I am on the edge of a freak out ..... I think???

DATA-DOG

So the RC really sucked, but I made it through. The propaganda was mind blowing. I don't know if the crap will be available on the official website or not, but hopefully it gets leaked somehow. Make no mistake, we joke about the WTBTS, but someone there is an evil f'ing genius. Now this new cult video. Omg ..

I am am trying to start a new job for my family. I am trying to provide. I am trying to think of the future. So what does the WTBTS do? Knowing that 100 years of " kingdom rule" has passed with nothing happening as they said it would, knowing that a normal human needs freedom to work and freedom to succeed, what do they do? They make a powerful propaganda film about a spiritually weak family. The husband is in the wrong because he thinks making a living is important.

In the middle of my day, I get a text. My wife says that she has watched the film. She is in tears, sobbing. She says its our family in the film. I swear by all that is holy, we're it not for my daughter, I would give up. Part of me wants to blow my f'ing head off, I'm not joking. The other part of me says , " F*** YOU WTBTS!! F*** YOU GB!!! F*** YOU ALL!!!" I yelled at "GOD" today and said, " BRING IT!!! Kill me!! I don't care!! You are NOT going to do ANYTHING!! You never do!! What do you do?? NOTHING!!" I have this thing inside of me that won't let me quit. I can't describe it. I'm not really in control. If I was in control then I would choose the easy way out. I feel like Bruce Banner trying to kill himself or Batman wanting to just quit, but he can't. He is just the other side of the crazy coin. Maybe I am too? If I am just as crazy then why fight? Why destroy my family for my theories of truth? Then a voice screams back, " THEY ARE LIARS!!! It's not the TRUTH!!" That screaming thing is what keeps me going sometimes.

I'm tired. I wish I had it in me to give up, but I just can't. I am really starting to doubt my sanity. I don't even know what I really believe. I haven't figured it out. I am seriously considering letting the Elders come over and challenging them. I will make them answer from the Bible, how I could know what the SLAVE knows, when the SLAVE says that only they can interpret scripture. I want to make them call me a liar, or show them up. What would they say??

I would love to have them treat me like shit in front of my wife and daughter. I don't know what's happening right now. I am just going to ignore my wife's emotional outburst. I just have to focus on my job. How could she even do that to me when I am busting my ass for her and my daughter? I have this horrible knot in my stomach, wondering if I made a mistake. I am out my depth. I am out of jokes. I am just wondering how much more I can take. I am seriously considering playing the "anointed" card. They will either avoid me or hate me and get me DF'd. I just don't know anymore.

I don't have any answers. I wish I did. I have some mental freedom, which is nice. Still, knowing that I am awake and I may not be able to help anyone else is terrible. I don't know if I can do this anymore. I' going to get up tomorrow and work. It may be the only way to get through this week. I have nothing else to say.

DD

zed is dead

Don't be mad at Jehovah, he doesn't exist. Take a Xanax or two, and hate the WTS.

Man hug Bro.

zed

Comatose

Sorry buddy. I wish I could help. But, I think you nailed it when you said you had to just go a day at a time and focus on work.

Also... I personally needed some prescription anxiety/depression medicine to exit as you are. Don't be afraid to go to your normal doc and just tell him everything. I did. I just talked about the cult, and I'm trying to get my family out without them shunning me. I told him everything. He was great. He listened and prescribed some meds. One a normal daily anxiety medication and the other an emergency pill when you are like this right now.

It's the only way I could have made it through.

It's Lexapro as the daily and Ativan as the emergency one.

Bob_NC

Hang in there man. And find that verse...a man that does not provide for his own household is worse than an unbeliever. Read that one to the misses.

Gypsy Sam

I'm so sorry for the frustrations you are dealing with after the convention. It's just bringing out the "cult" side of your wife. How old is your daughter?

I've read many of your posts when you are funny and you don't seem too upset most of the time. I usually laugh at something you've commented on...in a good way. Remembering your wife spent three days listening to an indoctrination program and will likely have the effects fade, as most JW's do, should be a small comfort. It's easy to feel pumped up after the convention and combined with the video she's likely feeling her family doesn't measure up to the ridiculous standards if JW world so she's panicking.

Do you go over a budget with her so she knows where things stand financially? Does she bring in income? I work in finance and sometimes meet women who were clueless about bills until the yap find themselves single. It does more harm than good. The WT discourages logic in so many areas grrrr....and those videos are so unrealsitic.

DATA-DOG

Thanks. I feel better after getting all that out. I am a little on edge because of my job change, thats normal. I don't know what I feel about the rest. I would say, somewhere between apathy and rage, with apathy currently winning.

I will damned if I let these bastards win. I will not quit. HOO-YAH!!!! The only easy day was yesterday and it pays to be a winner!!!!

DD

LisaRose

Stop letting your wife's emotional reaction to Watchtower manipulations get you down. Give her time to calm down, they tell her that you are fulfilling your biblical requirement to provide for your family. Period. End of discussion. Treat it the same as if your three year old decides he wants to go to Disneyland at 9:00 PM, no matter how much he wants it, it's not possible. I don't believe this, but she should respect you as the spiritual head of the family. Tell her that you understand her concerns, but what you do to support them is your decision to make. If she doesn't like that, tough toenails.

Please, please, don't talk to the elders about your doubts. Nothing good can come of this. Unless you want to be disfellowshipped and divorced, don't do it.

If you want out of the marriage, that is one thing, but don't make any decisions while you are steamed.

JustMe2

DATA-DOG

Thats good advice LisaRose.

Gypsy Sam, you are right. She just been brain-washed for three days.

DD

GrreatTeacher

Emotional outbursts are the polar opposite of rational. Don't try to have a conversation about money while she's hysterical. She's been indoctrinated for 3 days straight. Let her calm herself down. Then you can decide how to approach the money and work discussion.

Extremely emotional people need to be thought about as if they are toddlers. When they're having a tantrum, you just need to get out of their way until they exhaust themselves. When they wear themselves out, you'll be dealing with a whole different beast.

I am on the edge of a freak out ..... I think???

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