Hard time coping with shunning

bsand20

It's almost 1am and I can't sleep...again. I hate to think the organization is still taking my sleep from me 16 years later but I can't help it.

I run a page on social media for ex jw support and advice and I'm usually there helping others but it definitely takes a toll on me when I'm having to argue and disprove jws that troll my page.

I've been vocal on here about my story and where I'm at with my family. Recently my paternal grandmother passed away and my dad is agnostic. So I went to my parent's house to comfort him and be there and my mom acted like nothing happened, meaning, like she'd never said she wouldn't talk to me again. I mean we pretty much picked up where we left off. Neither of us discussed the little "ultimatum" she made for me back in January about how she had to completely cut all communication with me until i returned to the organization. Needless to say that'll never happen and she wont budge either so that pretty much means I have to come to terms with what she's decided. But then when she does speak to me like this circumstance, it's like do I take her seriously or not??

My family made their decision 16 years ago and I had one cousin still talk to me because we grew up like sisters and she said she couldn't cut me completely off....until 2 years ago when my grandfather died and at the funeral the family got to her and she decided she wasn't gonna answer my texts or messages because she needed to also obey for my own good. Here's the thing...she still has me on facebook. She views all my posts and my daily life, which at first I thought was ok because she can see my life is very full...however I'm also having feelings of just deleting her because everyone in my family has deleted me out of their lives anyway and they shouldn't be able to see me and my kids in any forum. If they want me to disappear than maybe I should, in social media that is.

I mention all this because it's making me sick. I can't sleep, I overeat, I don't enjoy activities like I used to and I rarely leave my house except for school drop off/pick up for my kids and grocery store shopping. Just feels like I'm breathing but not really living, like I"m stuck. I guess I don't feel like I have closure. I'm angry that this is my life, that this happened to me. I think about seeing a therapist but then it feels like the organization is winning because they've gotten to me. I really don't know what else to do:(

Designer Stubble

Reverse shunning may be an option. You then hold the cards, rather than pussy-footing around them. Indeed start by locking down you FB account and defriending them. If they are curious about your life they will have to contact you.

Sorry to hear of these hardships. Destructive CULT!

bsand20

Indeed Designer, it feels like they are just voyeurs of my life without having to be part of it....having their cake and eating it too

bsand20

ANd yet people defend this crazy cult:(

NAVYTOWN

I would recommend you getting into a professionally-run group therapy or similar support group. That way you will have people you can open up to and be yourself around, in a totally non-JW setting. I am speaking from experience. I've been in several therapy groups, and each time I benefitted greatly. Just be sure the person conducting the group is a licensed professional. The cost is well worth it. I hope you will look into it. Best of luck!!

Stormcrow

Hello bsand20. Perhaps it would help to think of this kind of attitude as being like an addiction. If for example your mother were an alcoholic who says or does mean things, part of you would know that it's the alcohol talking, not your real Mum. You can't end someone's addiction for them, only they can do that; and while it may seem unlikely that your Mum will change now, just think : there are plenty of us who used to think the same way who are now in recovery. It's very hard on you especially at night when those thoughts come crashing down on you. Hang on in there old bean.

LisaRose

Seeing a therapist is not letting the organization win, it's you getting on with your life and doing whatever it takes to comes to grips with this. Continuing to let it get to you is letting them win.

This kind of inconsistent behavior from your family is normal as their cult self battles with their true self. They don't actually want to shun you, but the cult mind control makes them think they must.

jwfacts

I think about seeing a therapist but then it feels like the organization is winning because they've gotten to me.

You have that back to front. The religion is winning at the moment, because they have gotten to you. A therapist can help you learn how to stop letting them get at you. I recommend Cognitive Behavioural Therapy as very affective. I know, because that was the only way I could stop thoughts about the organisation consuming me. Now I have the perfect life. I will never get over all the damage the religion has caused, but it no longer gets to me.

Amie Les JW

Hi,

I had a similar fb issue. And one day, after a vodka and coke at 1pm I just thought f-it! and I blocked or deleted or whatever you call it. It was theraputic. Facebook doesn't mean she is your friend. It is a form of communication media. And yes, it might feel like the last link that you have, but like you said it's all on her terms. If you can keep the fb friend and have it on your terms also- post on her wall- make comments (that her friends and family will see) then fine, it's balanced, but if you are keeping it in the hope that it will mean something to her then you are ignoring your needs- and that is what will send you crazy.

xx AMie

cultBgone

jwfacts hit the nail on the head...the bOrg is the one who says counseling is baaaaaad. Sane people will disagree! You've suffered years of mental, emotional and spiritual abuse and it's time to heal YOU. Maybe you need to take a break from your website and focus on yourself...you know, like putting on your oxygen mask first so you can help others.

It's not your responsibility to argue down trolls and it's taking a toll. Just post a "I'm on vacation" sign and take some much-needed time to nurture YOU.

Peace to you and hugs too.

Hard time coping with shunning

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