Do you consider yourself an ex-JW?

by Introspection 25 Replies latest watchtower medical

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  ShaunaC

  I think I'm seeing your initial question a little differently from everyone else.

  I do identify myself as an ex-JW. When I first left it always became inevitable to tell someone new I met early on that I used to be a Witness. I found it hard to talk about any part of my life, whether it was not attending public high school cuz my parents wouldn't let me go to college cuz I needed to pioneer instead, or why I got excited as a 5 year old when celebrating my first Christmas or Halloween, or to explain why I had married one month after my 18th birthday, or to explain why my family wasn't in my life, without prefacing it that I was once a JW.

  I tried for awhile to consciously try not to bring up the fact that I was an ex-JW. I actually yearned for that to not determine the boundaries of who I am as a human being. But I learned that it gave me a comfortable seat to sit in while meeting someone new. People are always fascinated about my life and the dynamics of my family relationships because of the Borg. It became an easy ice-breaker for conversation.

  A second thing it did, and probably much more importantly...every time I would recount my story to someone new, I would always receive commendations and praise for my courage and strength for what I had gone through. It served to strengthen me in return and move me to continue my resolve to never get depressed (for too long anyway) over my situation but rather to savor my freedom and feel proud of myself for making decisions that I don't think my parents are brave enough to make. Getting that reaffirmation so early one when I had noone was so needed and helpful.

  I have often wondered how long I will continue to use this to define me. I've only been out 3 1/2 years so I'm still racking up experiences and memories of my new life that will eventualy define me more accurately. But no matter where I go or how much I change, the simple fact will be that I will always be considered and consider myself an ex-JW. It makes up the largest part of who I am. Not the strongest part, but the largest part. Seeing people advidly post on the forum who have been out 20-30 years, tells me this might always be the case to some degree.

  Each new experience that stands in such direct contrast to my old JW self is exemplified and becomes even more important because of that old life. I savor those things more so because I haven't always had those freedoms.

  So instead of feeling bad or weak in some way for defining the base of who I am on the seemingly negative of being an ex-JW...I focus in on the positives of the person I've become and continue to grow to be because of the lessons I've learned since leaving that life. Thus saying proudly that I am an ex-JW shows just how far I've come. And that's awesome!!!

  My 2 cents...

  Shauna
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  Kismet

  Currently I am an ex-JW especially in regards to my online activity. However in my real life I am striving not to be.

  I have made it my goal to be an ex-XJW in that I don't want to allow that Organization to be any label of who or what I am now.

  Did it influence me? Hell ya! but I do not want my life to be about being a former JW.

  Make sense?

  Kismet
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  Introspection

  Hi everyone,

  I think more than one of us has mentioned past experiences defining who we are today. Well, using words as a metaphor, what about seeing yourself as poetry rather than a definition? This may be vague and corny for some, but rather than living life mechanically I'm all for living life as an art, and I think that kind of outlook loosens things up a bit and allow ourselves more freedom of expression. Heck, I'm no poet, though I appreciate good poetry. Why not respond to this question in the same way? Forget that I asked a direct question, instead of responding directly respond in any way you want. You certainly don't have to respond to me or this thread either, though if you can express it online it may benefit the rest of us. Do it however you want, just don't make a Calvin Klein's commercial about it.
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  TexSham

  I think it's important to emphasize the anti over the ex part.
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  blacksheep

  Interesting that you asked. Actually, no I don't. Although I was baptized at 13, in all honesty, I don't think I ever really WAS a JW. I was raised in it, basically coerced to accept it: I had no alternative really: it was unthinkable to question any aspect of the "truth." And what kind of life decision making capability does one reasonably have at 13 years old??

  Only when I became of age and self-supporting did I have the courage to publicly question the JW's as the truth (by that I mean to my mother). Then I never attended another silly meeting or picked up another piece of their propagandistic literature.

  I've always told people (when the issue comes up), that I "was raised as JW." I never say, "I'm an ex-JW." Because I don't feel, in my heart, that I ever was. And for some reason I want to make that clear to others. Being raised in a cult doesn't exactly afford you freedom to make such a decision of religious affiliation.
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  blacksheep

  Just to clarify my last post as to WHY I feel it necessary to clarify that "I was raised as a JW" (as opposed to stating I'm an "ex-JW"). The issue comes up on occasion, e.g. when people ask about whether I'm spending holidays with my family, religious issues come up, my (or my family's) political affiliation--gosh the potential ways in which my less-than-normal upbringing influences my current or earlier life is almost endless.

  The fact that I WAS raised as a JW does impact a lot of things: a lot less now than it did when I first left, but nevertheless it DOES help to influence my perspectives on some issues/situations. I simply cannot escape that.

  But again, I prefer to think of it as having been "raised in it" as opposed to having willingly affiliated myself with it.