So I'm going through a really difficult time right now.

scaredtospeak

I was publicly reproved last year and the elders have taken their sweet time in reinstating my "privileges". It's been six months and I can't answer at the meetings or participate in the Theocratic Ministry school.

In all honesty- I don't care about the privileges. I don't want to be a Jehovah's Witness anymore. But I'm eighteen and I still live at home. Until I'm financially independent, I can't control whether or not I'm active in the congregation. Ever since my doubts started to surface my mom repeats the same hopeful attitude over and over- "keep an open mind". She went so far as to tell me to "stop taking in outside information" about the JW's.

I'm just really struggling with keeping up the facade. It's starting to make me feel depressed every time I go to the meetings. I had another meeting with the elders tonight and they still won't give me privileges back because i'm not "paying enough attention" during the meetings and my apparel is evidently distracting the hormone-ridden teenage boys. They actually said that to me- a sixty year old man told me I was dressing too provocatively, which is probably the creepiest thing in the world.

I'm so sick of everything and I could really use some words of encouragement. Has anyone shared my struggle?

Thanks for listening to my rant.

Comatose

Not your struggle. But, I know what you are going through. It's really rough. Hang in there girl. I'm 38 now. When I was 18 everything was always going so slow. The thought of two or three years of time was agonizing. And honestly in your shoes it will be agonizing. But! But, when you are 38 and thinking back to these last couple yrs, you will think how easy it was to make the sacrifice in order to have your family in your life. Hang in there! We are here for you.

Oubliette

STS,

Sorry you're dealing with this. The control-freakery of the elders is really discouraging to someone that just wants to live their own life.

STS: my mom repeats the same hopeful attitude over and over- "keep an open mind". She went so far as to tell me to "stop taking in outside information" about the JW's.

Ask your mom, "So which is it mom? Should I, 'keep an open mind' or 'stop taking in outside information'?"

wannabefree

Hi scared ... welcome. So sorry for what you are going through. I have a daughters around your age. When you can get your mind to a place that this religion is just a bunch of craziness, then they will lose the power they have over you. Then, perhaps you can make it a game. Right now hearing the propoganda is probably torture to sit through those meetings, I know it was for me when i learned TTATT.

Realize that this is a game. You don't make the rules ... however ... the more you kiss a$$, the better it will go for you. If you want priveleges back, you will get them, make it a game, be the goodie goodie that they want, while inside you know it's just a game, you play it to your benefit until you are ready to quit the game ... then ... you WIN!

Best wishes.

We are here for you.

Divergent

Just curious - what were u reproved for? If u don't mind sharing, that is...

humbled

Two of my 3 daughters had the eyes of the elders on them--both left the JWs--one had been baptised.

My youngest liked to dress "well"-- those days (only 5-6 years ago)that could have seemed too provocative--she walked a fine line Also, when the elders leaned on her to get baptised, she told them that she didn't have a relationship with God to justify that step. You might try talking to your mother about that--maybe she will get off you about being open-minded about JWs if you remind her it is about God and you not the Organization(on second thought, she might not be open to that line of thought).

Really, a lot of the young women in the congregations I was around had difficulties. Hauled in for one thing and another, pregnancies, sneaking out, spotty meeting attendence, drinking, keeping the wrong company.

Teen years are tough any way. You will get away eventually.

I am sorry that you can't confide in your mother. Just let her know that you love her--and that Jesus let each person choose what to do. You need to have people back off and not be crowding you. See if you can at least gain that ground--and try to be happy with it until you are out of the house.

It is hard. But you will make it--steady as you go.

Maeve

scaredtospeak

@ wannabefree - your message is actually really comforting, so thank you. At times, it just gets more difficult to play pretend. But you make a good point.

@Just Kidding - for several reasons. Mostly because of involvement with a guy at school and then with a young brother in another congregation. Some minor stuff, too.

RobertT18

Well I'm not a girl but I have similar problems, I'm 21 and my mother only cares about the cult. The elders are always watching me. Not too long ago I was told to 'work out' with moderation because I was starting to look really big. A lot of the people my age in the cong talk a lot of trash and are arrogant pricks. I don't really have any friends there. Sometimes I feel like you and I feel sick of everyone and want to give up but I always encourage myself to continue looking for a better future for myself. Try to always be yourself, don't let anyone change who you really are.

Hortensia

You can do things at meetings like plan your escape, think about what kind of future you want and what it would take to get there. What kind of education would help you, and how can you get that education? Where would you really like to live and what would it take to get there? Make lists, think of things you need to research later when you can get on the internet, talk to counselors at school about how to pay for an education, that sort of thing. You can look really attentive and not be paying any attention to the meeting at all!

Twitch

I was there, with respect to age, situation, elders, direction, etc. Most here understand completely where you're at. You're not alone.

Work towards getting out. Find out what suites you and what doesn't. Carve out a future.

Live the life YOU want.

So I'm going through a really difficult time right now.

Share this