Scaredtospeak dont worry dude Im in the same shoes as you, Im 18 too. I am now in college desperately trying to grasp knowledge and master my major. Dont worry dude just put on a fake smile at the meetings and go with the flow. Once you're able to make it on your own pull the plug and RUN!
So I'm going through a really difficult time right now.
by scaredtospeak 40 Replies latest jw experiences
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DesirousOfChange
I just want to say that it's exciting to see THREE young people here that were early to discover TTATT vs figuring it all out at or near the "end" of their lives (as many of us did).
I implore you to set goals and not lose site of them. You may feel miserable now, but I assure you that 10 years from now "these things will not be called to mind". (haha) Just be cautious not to abandon all self-control and reasonableness when you abandon the cult-thinking. Many have left with the feeling that they "missed out" on so much in life only to find out the hard way that not everything being offered in "the world" is attractive or beneficial.
The greatest revenge is living a happy and successful life!
Good luck,
Doc
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Magnum
She went so far as to tell me to "stop taking in outside information" about the JW's.
That burns me up about JWs - how they say not to take in outside info about JWs, yet they want every member of other religions to take in outside info about their religions. Whenever you have a company, religion, club, etc. telling you not to take in any outside info about it - to only listen to what it says about itself - you'd better watch out and probably run from it.
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Giordano
I'll approach this discussion from the other side of life. My wife and I got out in the 1960's. I was a pioneer and had a deferment from the Draft. Vietnam was a slaughter house for young guys like me.
I gave up that deferment because I new TTATT. That was strike one. The Society came up with 1975 as the start of Armageddon strike two, my wife and I had one HS diploma between us..... Strike 2&1/2.
We were out in time for the first Woodstock.......home run!
It all worked out, we learned and earned, worked at what we wanted to, made a few mistakes, corrected those mistakes, retired at 60 started doing volunteer work which can be very rewarding. Both my wife and I became professional artists. My son a musician at first then and now an artist. Grandkids live one mile away. We actually have a family dinner together every Sunday.
We saved 20 to 30 hours a week by not having to attend or prepare for meetings/assemblies. I put that time into real study and extra work when needed. It has been a very very good life.
Right now it's a little difficult for you. I remember how I felt at 18 like it was yesterday. It will get better....
The only problem I ever had leaving the JW's was that my Uber mother wouldn't shut up about it.
You can live with that.
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Theredeemer
Scaredtospeak I doubt your parents would kick you out if you remained reproved and went inactive. Just go once in a while to the meetings (like once a month or twice). Decline meeting with elders and if you do have to, lie. Say you are fine and working on your personal relationship with God and yourself. Make stuff up. If the meeting with the elders feels like its going long cut it. You have every right to say "you know im really emotionally exhausted and Im going home". There is nothing they can do. Work on getting a job, school and finding a cheap apartment. Youd be amazed at what you can get done in 6 months.
This is your time, your youth and your life. Do not waste it even for those you love. Even if you struggle make the necessary moves to leave.
The goal in life is to have a good one. You may struggle for a while now but what you do now will impact the rest of your life.
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Gustv Cintrn
Scaredtospeak,
Get an education, continue on building a non-JW network through work/school. Move out and on with your life. The JW lifestyle is obviously not right for you at this stage of your life.
GC
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jgnat
I think this is a game of endurance, and you are bound to be the winner. Blank notebook for the meetings, record your own thoughts. Keep a proud posture, look the creep elders straight in the eye when you talk to them. Keep the voice and words soft and humble, though, straight from the WT manual.
I'd be tempted to keep a dumpy schoolmarm outfit ready for the meetings. Same outfit every single meeting. Dare them to suggest that you are taking their direction "too far".
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3rdgen
I like DOC's story about the elder who put the other pervy elder in his place. When I was 18 my husband and I had moved far away from our parents in order to help my newly widowed mom manage some apartments she had inherited. It would have been the perfect time to fade but instead, we threw ourselves deeper into the cult. One month most all the married sisters signed up to "temperary pioneer" as it was called then. I desperately wanted to fit in so I signed up too. I was crushed when the overseer took me in the infamous back room to tell me I wouldn't be allowed to unless I wore longer skirts. This was a joke because I was skinny girl whose skirts touched the middle of my knee! We soon moved away from that congregation and found out later that the married with children, 40 something yo dude that counciled me had been DF'd for having an affair with a 23yo pioneer sister in our same hall!!! There's usually something fishy about older dudes who council young sisters about their dress. Especially when they dont't talk to the husband/father/mother first.
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ruderedhead
jgnat is spot on, this is a game of endurance, and you will win! Just fly under the radar for now.
Do you have a plan for the next 4 years? At 18, I am assuming that you are probably in your senior year of high school (if you are in the U.S.), or graduated a few months ago? Are you getting some further education? What are you interested in? Not everyone wants/needs to do 4 years of college, but if you do to pursue your dreams, how will you finance it? Do you have a part time job right now? Look at all of your options, make a plan. Talk to a college/ h.s. counselor. Maybe all you need is a 2 year degree, or a certificate program. Have short & long term goals. If your parents are against further education, use whatever reasoning you know will work to sway them. If a 4 year degree is what you desire, you may have to start out at a junior college, as that is affordable, local, and probably less scary to your parents. You can then transfer. Take the time to figure out what YOU want!
You're young, you have your whole life ahead of you, and it's going to be a wonderful journey with some bumps along the way that will make you stronger and wiser.
And did you let your Mom know about the creepy older man's comment and that it made your skin crawl? How does he know what the young men at your hall think abour your attire? Are they complaining to him, or is he taking a survey? That, my dear, is your "stumbling block"!
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zeb
In Ray Franz book "In search of christian Freedom" he says in this massive work by just page 9 that the GB spent most of its meetings working to put controls "on peoples personal lives". It is out of this dominate effect comes 'counsel' about wearing 'hose' not nylons on the platform, not going to the gym so as not to be so built up, wearing this or that.
In our earliest days 'in' my wife in a mid winter meeting was 'counselled' about wearing an ankle length shirt as it was 'wordly'. Yes folks 'worldly' was the in thing. Just before that it was 'pagan'.. but i wont mention wedding rings oh no that is another story.
The other sisters wore knee length then wrapped themselves in rugs. (Years later when the 'worldly' ankle length was established as a norm then one young sister used to wear her track-pants (she told me... I didnt look) under her thin ankle length skirt to freezing winter meetings).just before I faded i was wearing rolled collar shirts under my jacket and was given the eye for not wearing a tie and approval when i did. Good grief!
It is this OSFA thing where GB spent most of its meetings working to 'put One -Size-Fits-All; where we must all be clones of what the GB pushes down to us and which tragically those in the org delights in snapping up to enforce on anyone about them who, by being a little bit different makes them feel insecure. Or, to give mettle to them that they are the guardians of the congregation.
Re dress: I like jgnats reply about wearing some "dumpy school-marm outfit" to meetings if this keeps the 'self righteous' class from worrying so about you.
I hope you find my pm useful
big hugs