DFshipped,
You said email you, but since you made the staement in public I will respond in the same.
How do you feel about a person who is dating a women via chaperoned and social gatherings suddenly finds out he can't live the rest of his life with her. Maybe something in his heart tells him that he will never love her as his own body. He breaks the relationship and eventually is "marked"
Then he goes to a DC and sees another sister there that is just his image of the perfect mate and tries to persue the relationship. He falls in love with this woman and they have a long distance relationship. One day she comes to visit his hall. She is bombarded with the "story" of how he lead another sister on with a relationship that doesn't lead to marriage.
Why was it wrong not to commit to a life of no love? Shouldn't he really be commended for being mature enough to realize that he didn't want marriage? What if he loses the love of his life due to the "marked" state he is in?
Marriage and dating is a hot topic of mine, seeing that my sister is going on 10 years of a loveless marriage. She followed all the rules and I was her chaperone for over 1 year. I never saw that this guy was going to be abusive and have no respect for my sister. See the rules that are set by the wtbts does not always show the "true" side of someone. I praise the people that are able to not go along with a loveless marriage. I applaud those that are able to walk away, even if it is on the wedding day. This my friend is showing "true" wisdom, not just fulfilling a committment because it is assumed he should.
wendy
Big Ray on Disfellowshipped Members
by truth_hurts 33 Replies latest jw friends
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mommy
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LDH
Mommy,
Amen, sister!
This "reproof before onlookers" that DFshipped mentioned is applied in a very helter-skelter manner, as is much of the 'discipline' meted out by the 'untrained' elders.
Methinks if the sister used in his example were a real sister, and she had to have mommy and daddy screen her dates, well she might want to take her Barbie Doll collection back out cause she sure as hell ain't ready to deal with a real man.
Mommy, you are right. My sister dated (long term) 2 or 3 brothers, chose not to marry any of them. She was LOOKING for someone to spend the rest of her life with, not a car group. Sure enough, she was 'counseled' and a marking talk was given about those 'who date without a serious view toward marriage.' How the HELL are you gonna know who you want to marry and spend the rest of your life without spending time with them?
As far as the foolish 'reprooving' like DF mentioned, pregnant people or public knowledge cases, the reproof already exists! That person attends the hall knowing that everyone is aware of their personal mistake. Which is one big reason I don't give a rat's ass about talks 'publicly reprooving' someone. Because basically what happens here, is people who are committing 'private' sins don't ever get revealed for the hypocrite they are.
So yeah, that makes good sense. Punish someone who made a bad decision. It's not enought they have to live with the consequences of their decision, you must try to make them feel like dirt.
I don't even know why Jesus bothered to come to earth. The WBTS has nullified his ransom sacrifice and the forgiveness we are to show to sinners.
Lisa
Seen on a bumper sticker: Jesus, save me from your followers. -
DFshipped
Mommy
You make an interesting point.
I'm not sure if your example was real, or just an illustration. But let me answer from the perspective of the Society.
As an Elder for a number of years the approach that would have been used according to the training and direction of the WBTS would be this.
For a brother to break an engagement is not in itself a "marking" matter. It becomes a problem where this becomes habitual or done casually with disregard for the sisters feelings. Surely a loving protecton for sincere sisters ( and brothers )
As an Elder onour body we would have weighed up this matter and not marked a man for an isolated incident made in his best judgement. We are /were not masters of each others faith.
Of course sometimes the congregation dont know of other similar incidents in the past or the brothers record of conducting himself in this regard. Again he may have a record, not known to the congregation ( Privately dealt with by the Elders and lovingly not publicised by them ) Remember the purpose of discipline is to correct the persons thinking, not to embarrass them in public. But where his record gives evidence of potential threat to others in the congregation it is a loving thing for the Elders to provide such warning.
Finally , rememeber the WBTS suggestion that you get to know a person well in social gatherings before making such a comittment. Once you make a comitment you have taken a large and responsible step. Should there be no consequences for hurting that sister, because he acted irresponsibly? Why did he make the comitment if he was not ready? What if he makes another commitment to another sister, marries her and dicovers the same thing after a year of marriage.....does he just break it off because he realizes he cant live with her for ever?
As for the "story" he was bombarded with ......is this not human nature ? It certainly is not an action promoted by the WBTS so why blame them ? It is the actions of imperfect ppl. I am sure there were many sincere ones in that congregation who did not participate in the story bomardment.
And BTW I agree that ppl who are married and stick with it even tho it may be loveless, are to be applauded and given the utmost respect and commendation. They are the true "marriage heroes" and will be rewarded in due time. -
larc
DF,
Mommy will not be here to answer your question for a while, she is very tired and emotionaly drained from dealing with very many issues dealt with on this forum.