Is It Just Me??

by What Now? 34 Replies latest jw experiences

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  What Now?

  We're 2 years in to our exit from the witnesses.

  We're not disfellowshipped or disassociated ... just inactive.

  None of our friends speak to us anymore. We have managed to keep our relationship with our families, although it is strained at times.

  We experienced our first real "shunning" yesterday. We ran into someone we used to know at the grocery store. I smiled, waved and said "hello", she looked at me, looked away and kept walking.

  It was awful.

  We haven't managed to replace the community we lost when we left, although not for lack of trying. It's lonely ... especially as a stay at home mom.

  When you're the odd one out - the only one in all the friends you've ever known to leave, the "black sheep" of the family, sometimes it's hard to feel like you're on the right side.

  I'll never be on the same page again when it comes to witness beliefs. I've come to strongly identify as "non-religious".

  But right now, the organization seems exciting. All that the governing body has done to make the religion seem hip and modern and relateable seems to be working, among the membership at least. There's witness feeds on social media, pictures of "Jehovah's happy people", and there's something I miss. The camaraderie, the sense of community and brotherhood, the feeling that you were a part of something bigger and better than yourself.

  Anytime my family sees my son "misbehave" (as toddlers do!) they make a point of saying how they see such a difference in him compared to kids at the kingdom hall ... and it makes me second guess myself.

  We have left this religion to make life better for ourselves and our children.

  But right now I just feel like the bitter apostate that they warn you about.
• 

  KateWild

  Many have a happy smooth exit, but many of us struggle. When we are part of the Org we are involved with a big social scene, bigger than anything else in the community. So you couls volunteer as I have done, or join a drama or knitting club, but it will never be the same as JW.ORG.

  My exit has been isolating too, and my daughter has found it hard getting a circle of friends. She is an adult and lives in a different city. But I would never change things. Learning TTATT has been great and the fact I don't have cognitive dissonance anymore has given me more mental stability.

  You are not alone in how you feel, it's a terrible cult that practices shunning. I am so sorry you had to go through this in the grocery store.

  Take care

  Kate xx
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  hoser

  My family shuns us to a certain extent too. It is just the sick way that they try to control our life. My wife and I found a new circle of friends and ignore our family. They phone once in a while but are starting to figure out that the guilt trips don't work anymore.
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  Separation of Powers

  Went to Starbucks the other day, there was a note on the information board that Wednesday nights a group that practices Russian meets there to practice their Russian and ANYONE (it was underlined) who wanted to learn was WELCOME (underlined again). Now, if I didnt speak Russian and I was free on Wednesday nights, I think I would be hanging out at Starbucks. Great way to meet friends with common interests...and guess what, if you happen to not go now and then, NO ONE will shun you...Isn't that amazing?!?!?
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  Separation of Powers

  By the way.....many of those "well-behaved toddlers" at the hall will become anti-social fanatics that can't seem to fit in anywhere but there. Many will suffer from depression, have commitment issues, and live double lives to address their problems at home.

  Just saying...
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  bafh

  I hear ya. I've been missing a sense of community too. I found Sunday Assembly. I'm in Portland and our chapter started in March and is really doing great. It has the sense of community without any dogma or pressure. Check it out and see if there is one in your area. If not, you could start one.

  I agree though that the unofficial shunning from people who were supposed to be your friends and love you is unnerving. At least until you get some distance and start to replace it. It is getting better and I've been away 5 years.

  bafh
• 

  Theredeemer

  What now. NEVER LOOK BACK!

  My wife and I also lost all our friends. We were never disfellowshipped and we kept our relationship with fam, also strained at times. We both have been shunned at grocery stores and other places.

  Trust me. You will get over it.

  They are right.

  Your kid is different from the children at the KH.

  He will be unconditionally loved, without nightmares of impending armageddon, future in a good college, the chance to be who he wants to be, he will grow up to take advantage of every opportunity there is in the world, whatever friends he does make will be friends with him unconditionally and he will never be shunned for making mistakes like we all do. These are the things that I never had. These are the opportunities that I never got to experience or take advantage of.

  Please do not take the away because its taking a while to make new friends.

  Do yourself a favor, get off Facebook for a while or unfriend the witnesses in it. Tell your family to suck a fat one if they tell you crap like that. Defend your choices and defend your child to the teeth!

  You are an Apostate: OWN IT BABY!
• 

  Dagney

  No, What Now?, it's not just you. I identify strongly with everything you have said in your OP.

  I FORGET that there are people whom you know very well that look at you like you are invisible when they see you.

  I FORGET that there are people who lack common human courtesy to say a quick greeting when encountering another human being.

  It still boggles my mind. It still creates a "down the rabbit hole" range of emotions in me even though nothing in me wants or misses anything regarding the religion.

  The Society has tossed the flock a giant, flavorless bone with this new WBTS/jw.org. It's given them something to knaw on to keep them close as the years tick by.

  Take one day at a time. We have our "bitter apostate days", and then we have our "grateful apostate days." The best choice you could ever make is to give your children a life where they can grow to be whomever they need to be. Think how grateful they will be in the future when they realize what it took.
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  jamiebowers

  As your son gets older and starts school, you'll have opportunity to meet the parents of his classmates. For now, can you find a Mommy and Me or Gymboree class? Something like that will help the social lives of both you and our son.

  Anytime my family sees my son "misbehave" (as toddlers do!) they make a point of saying how they see such a difference in him compared to kids at the kingdom hall ... and it makes me second guess myself.

  Well, thank God, Fate, your Lucky Stars, or whoever else may be in charge! Remember these same people would deny your son a life-savng blood transfusion. You can't rely on their judgment for anything!
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  One Last Kiss

  Hi What Now, I have the same faded status as yourself and personally view the way that I was dropped like a hot potato as very telling of their true motivations. They have no reason to shun you or treat you that way, you certainly didn't deserve to be reacted to like that, even by WT rules, it just seems to be how modern JWs love to act.

  As a stay at home mum have you looked into playgroups and support networks? It's a great way to make friends and you instantly have something in common! Even going to the local play park at the same time each day/week you'll get to know other families.

  The current changes definitely appear to be keeping JWs busy, but doing what? Being loving and caring to others or blowing their own trumpet? All that glitters is not gold. It seems you're more frustrated at not 'moving on' socially than bitter, but chin up, it'll happen!

  As for your son not behaving like those at the kh....nonsense. All young children express their frustrations at times, and no one should be making you doubt yourself as a parent.