Welcome matey, lots of us from the UK here. Which direction of the compass do you hale from?
My Relief
by Smart 59 Replies latest watchtower medical
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Londo111
Welcome, Smart! Let the relief begin!
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flipper
SMART- It's so very nice to have you here with us ! We totally understand what you've been going through. Most of us here have been through it ourselves. Take care look forward to hearing more of your story ! We are here for you
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Smart
Oh man! Thank you all. I am very pleased to meet you, even though it's on the internet. It would be amazing if we could all meet in person. I need people like you guys who I can talk to without the judgement from people in the congregation.
I remember quite well when I began attending meetings. I put up a hard fight to keep going there in the first place, let alone at this late stage. I was showered with attention and people came up to me asking me my story.
The first time I went there I was dressed in ripped old baggy clothes because I had no respect for myself. I slowly started to fit in, answering up, wearing better clothes and always attending.
I quickly gained a good reputation for always being there, answering up and going along with it all. I sincerely tried my best. I got put on the sound team immediately after I got baptised. No six month wait. I thought I must be doing well. People could see me progress and I liked that! But after a while it all very slowly changed for me.
Not long after I got baptised a big giant man began to come to our hall on his own. He had a strong English accent and came by motorbike. Everyone thought he was a spy working for the Government. He kept coming for a few months but often disappeared. When I got to know him he seemed a bit dumb and told me he had problems with his ears. I have to admit he seemed strange! When he first came to the hall I was told to "watch my association with him because we think he's a spy", a sister whispered in my ear behind his back! She called me away from him when I began talking to him.
People in the hall never bothered to give me half as much of the attention they first did. There's lots of elders in our hall and they never stopped to actually get to know me at the meetings. Not once. Nobody took me under their wing to keep me spiritually refreshed with light hearted chit chat to build friendship.
I remember the first time an elder stopped to talk. It was when he noticed I went through a low period of activity. I think I missed a few meetings because of a drug relapse. I'm not sure. But he just expected me to open up and tell him my problems. "Bloody hell", I thought. I didn't even know this man at all. I didn't feel inclined to open my heart to him. Neither he nor any of the elders had ever taken any time to get to know me. I can't remember when that happened, but that's one of the first times I started to wonder.
I remember beginning to fight against bad thoughts, against my parents subtle objections and against every inclination to miss meetings and keep attending at all costs because it became all about my reputation. It seems silly now. For a long time I refused to wear a suit, I didn't see the need. My dad didn't see the need either. Now that I have bought one or two and began wearing them every meeting, it feels a bit over the top. For a while my dad kept telling me that, and while he agreed I looked smart I kept defending the organisation. To be honest, I felt like a Freemason going to a gentleman's club every Tuesday evening.
The ministry is something I have always struggled with. I don't know how many times I have thought about leaving the organisation because I don't like going on the ministry. There is so much apathy. It is soul destroying. I don't feel a sense of achievement or any happiness from it. Yet, they expect a report from you at the end of every month. I can't do it. I should be doing it if I want to. It's not like I Have To. It feels forced. Still, this will make me seem spiritually weak, right!
So I've reached a point where there is so much expected of me. I have to be seen to be going on the ministry. I have to be coming to the meetings. I have to be progressing by giving talks on the Theocratic Ministry School. I have to help out on the Mic's. I have to be on the sound team. I have to help out on the platform. I have to do personal study. I have to read the watchtower every week and answer up at meetings. I have to do all this. It's too much. I don't want to do it at all now because I'm fed up of it altogether!
It’s become very wearisome to me which is why I took to the Internet to find out what other people say. Please share with me some of your thoughts and opinions and reasons.
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OneEyedJoe
It's interesting reading the experience of a more recent convert, as I was born into the cult myself. A lot of the stranger things (you need to wear a suit, you need to report your time, etc) just seem normal when it's been that way your entire life.
They love-bombed you until you were locked in (baptized) at which point they switch and just saddle you with as much "priveledge" as they can. I'd echo the sentiments of others here, if you have no family in the cult, just stop going. They only have power over you if you give it to them. Personally, if my wife wasn't so indoctrinated, I'd dissassociate myself just to shock the congregation...in your case, though, everyone would probably assume that you relapsed and were disfellowshiped and no one would think anything of it. Just stop going, and if any non-elders call, maybe share a little TTATT (the truth about the truth) with 'em.
It's so remarkable to me that everyone's journey out of the cult is so different. For me, it was entirely problems with the doctrine, but for others it's issues with pedophiles, injustice in the congregation, or the importance of status to having any social circle, or like you expressed, the clear lack of personal concern for you until they decide that they need to push you to "confess" something.
Be grateful that you saw the cult for what it was so quickly. Many get married to a JW, or employed by one, and end up trapped for the sake of those relationships. Regardless of that, though, it's definitely a mindf*** waking up to the reality of the cult. I encourage you to seek out your family and true friends outside of the cult and get their support ask you remove yourself. Humans are social beings and huge changes to our social structure can be tramatic, so be prepared. I wish you the best of luck with your exit and continued sobriety.
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Chris Tann
Do Dah? Really?
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Smart
Wow! Everything I read on this site about what other people say is exactly the thoughts I have been thinking for a while. I've been on here constantly as soon as I come home every day. I can relate to so many of your experiences.
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MissFit
Smart: Welcome! I missed this thread earlier.
Thanks for sharing your story. Take some time to explore. Use the search button to pull up any subject you are interested in . There are alot of thought provoking threads.
Just take your time. Goodness! I forgot about all of the gotta dos we were expected to keep up with. Take a bit of their advice and simplify.
Take care of your needs and start getting rid of the stuff that is complicating your life.
it is a process but is worth it. The feeling of all that guilt being lifted is priceless.
I hope to get to know you better. I look forward to more of your posts.
Miss.Fit
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kokyong.soon3
hi smart
i also know that the jw isn't the truth.i am also relieved that they can no longer force their thoughts on me.
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sporece
Welcome to the board !!!