Ongoing frustration with wife (page 3)

Apognophos

Flipping El, please read this thread started by Muddy Waters: http://www.jehovahs-witness.net/watchtower/beliefs/284634/1/Female-Perspective-about-WTS-marital-relationship-control. There's a possibility that your wife is trying to ask you if you're going to leave her since you left the religion.

stuckinarut2

Oh man...I have woken up this morning and checked our forum...

Your post could have been written by me about exactly my situation!

It really stinks man....

There are many of us in a similar situation.

She has shown that telling her things won't work, so try more questions. When she says "JWs have the truth!" ask what she feels is the strongest evidence of that. if she is willing to respond and says xyz you could ask if she is aware of other religions that do or teach the same, as there is nothing unique about JWs.

Regarding divorce, it is hard to know just from your comments, but maybe she is insecure that leaving the Watchtower means you also want to leave her. She is going through a lot of inner turmoil and needs your comfort and reassurance that you love her and your beliefs are not affecting your desire to be with her.

The Searcher

You could always print off these three scriptures and ask her, "How do you understand these verses?"

(Malachi 2:16) " For he [Jehovah] has hated a divorcing....."

(1 Corinthians 7:13) ".....and a woman who has an unbelieving husband, and yet he is agreeable to dwelling with her, let her not leave her husband."

(1 Peter 3:1) "In like manner, YOU wives, be in subjection to YOUR own husbands, in order that, if any are not obedient to the word, they may be won without a word through the conduct of [their] wives..."

jwfacts

Regarding her skipping meetings and making you go, you really need to sort that out. You are being mamipulated and it is of no benefit to either of you. It is hypocritical of her and it is just a test. While you keep giving in it will keep happening. You need to make a stand that you will not go to the meeting without her, ever. Put up with the tantrums, and after a couple of times she will move on. Even dogs and small children know what they can and cannot get away with and what another persons limits are, and don't push much beyond that. I think you are being too soft and losing her respect. If you don't make a stand you will be stuck in this limbo until someone does.

Flipping El

Wow! So many responses to this thread! Thanks for everybody putting their two cents in and trying to add to the discussion.

From some of the guy's comments here, I can see that I'm definitely not alone. Looks like the increasing pressure from the past year or so has made my wife want to ask what is going on. I think she really thinks something will change on my end so I'll want to stay as a JW.

Too bad to hear some of you like disposible hero of hypocrisy & OneEyedJoe are having a hard time even getting a conversation with your wife. Mine just ends the same way, "so, how are you going to resolve this and increase your activity?"

LisaRose - you're absolutely right! It's a timebomb. And we both know it. Many couples in a similar situation may also know it. The indoctrination of "the 3 fold cord" is a huge factor. But also, when it comes down to it, the JW way of thinking, schedule & behavior is really incompatible with much of what goes on outside. I know so many JWs that don't even want to go to a Football or Hockey game because it's awkward with the national anthem. My personal integrity is more important than being a silent, complicit drone! 100%!

Flipping El

Apognophos - good thread and points in there. Control & love are all mixed up together. I've been trying to assume more control and direction. In that thread Muddy Waters made a good point: " The husband is controlled by the standards of the organization all bound up within his self-righteous little WT wife" - she says something and you know that there's a WT article about it somewhere... easier to just not debate it! I've been getting serious about having follow up questions & anticipated responses (Bible-based for now) for when these come up.

stuckinarut2 - sorry to hear you're in a similar circumstance! I'm glad there's this forum - life in the transition period can be frustrating and isolating. Makes you feel like you're taking crazy pills!

jwfacts - Questions! totally! Yeah, that's the hard part. I need to do that more. It's possible that she does feel that I may leave her. I definitely give her positive reinforcement, do special things with her and try to talk about future plans together so she knows I'm not imagining some alternative future without her.

Good point on the hypocritical meeting attendance thing. Part of that is illness and part of it is anxiety (she says in part because of "incorrect / ignorant / negative" things I bring up). Sometimes, there's so much anger, anxiety and desparation swirling around the house, I've just gone to get away from it all! And read this forum or some self-help book in the audience on my phone and wait for it to be over. But yeah, that isn't a long term strategy. In the last two weeks, when she's not gone for any reason, I just don't move a muscle, do something else and don't talk about it.

The not talking about it is bad! I'm attempting to obtain an assertiveness and decisiveness (aka, getting my balls back) that I seemed to have lost in the last few years of ignoring my doubts and dealing with a difficult situation where I was questioning my sanity. I'm so glad there's resources online like JWFacts!!! Every time I see a stupid JW.ORG logo, I write JWFacts.com on it.

Vanderhoven7

Sounds to me that she is hoping for a divorce. She probably wants a strong JW spiritual leader to help her deal with the cognative dissonance you are helping to create.

I think it's time to make some financial moves to protect yourself in the event of divorce (e.g. no more input into joint bank accounts). Get advice from a lawyer on the best way to protect yourself. Plan plan, plan, for that eventuality.

When your bases are covered, write her a long TTATH letter outlining why you believe that the GB is not directed by Jehovah's spirit.... and that you will not be a hypocrit and attend meetings professing to be a JW.

Open your letter by reaffirming your love and desire to stay married. Close the letter with a reaffirmation of your love and the scriptures about divorce that Searcher posted.

Then let her make the next move or moves.

Pray daily that God will bring her to the center of His will with regard to your marriage and relationship...and that she will then have the grace to choose that will.

cultBgone

Maybe you should just ask her...what do you want from me?

She's pushing your buttons and you're getting all twisted in her game.

Back off, back down, and just live YOUR life.

Stop wasting all your energy trying to figure out her craziness. You can't change her. But you can enjoy your life. Let her choose whether she wants to do her thing or yours.

Go find yourself.

FlyingHighNow

Ask her if she loves you and wants to stay married to you. Ask her if it bothers her, the thought of losing you, when she brings up divorce. Ask her if she can really handle the idea of you moving on and eventually ending up with another lady by your side. As for her, is she thinking she will be better off with some new guy by her side? Does she realize the brothers will view her as damaged goods?

Ongoing frustration with wife

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