We've always had good communication and could talk endlessly about philosophy, neuroscience, sociology and ...
Those ARE spiritual things!
Ongoing frustration with wife
by Flipping El 42 Replies latest jw experiences
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Oubliette
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Oubliette
She needs to be called on her games and manipulation.
Do it kindly, firmly and not in anger, but do it!
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FlyingHighNow
She may be afraid, but Oubliette is right, it is not okay for her to play games and nag you. I'd tell her how this is making you feel and tell her you expect to discuss it and begin solving it now or within the next day or so.
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ABibleStudent
Hi Flipping El, Can you afford marriage counseling with your wife? If you can and she will, then ask the counselor how you both can make your marriage more loving and fulfilling. It is important to show your wife that you love her whether she is a JW or not.
If your wife will not go to counseling with you, then her cult or authentic persona may be a controlling and manipulative in which case talk with a councelor about your feelings and how to avoid being manipulated. Non-JWs can also be controlling and manipulative. Life is too short to live with a controlling and manipulative person.
Peace be with you and everyone, who you love,
Robert
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TD
What FHN said.
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Hortensia
I agree with apognophos. She may be trying to get you to tell her you won't leave her and don't want another wife. She may be trying to say what she thinks you are thinking, trying to get you to get off the fence. If you want the marriage to last, then you should start reassuring her that you love her, even if you don't believe in the wtbts. You might be a little too delicate in your attempts to not rock the boat.
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goingthruthemotions
marked
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Phizzy
Tell her you love her more than anything, and keep telling her. Tell her you always want her with you, and keep telling her.
Tell her.
At some point you need to establish that, like all humans, you are entitled to your thoughts and your opinions. Tell her you are open minded to any evidence that will change those thoughts and opinions, but evidence is what you need. You know what counts as evidence, and it ain't belief or emotion.
It boils down to the fact that the ball is in her court to prove to you that the JW religion is true, not to call in some Elders or other JW to do that, if she cannot prove it is true, what is she doing in it ? (Don't actually say that last sentence, not exactly in those words anyway.)
Keep on telling her how much you love her.
Love your Screen name by the way. What did El say when he was flipped ?
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Frazzled UBM
This sounds pretty tough Fliping El. Have you read Captives of a Concept? That explains the layers of defence against reality Witnesses build up - essentially there are two: the self-imposed; and the WBTS-imposed; and both are very hard to break through. I think finding a way to address the 'where can we go?' question may be a good start. Get her to understand that there are options and life beyond the organisation. The other thing to do is concentrate on the constant feelings of inadequacy that Witnesses have. She probably feels you are the cause of those feelings for her - your lack of 'spirituality' according to her definition is making her feel bad about herself. The trick is to get her to understand that it is the organisation that is making her feel inadequate because nothing she does will ever be enough. Get her to understand that that is the way they want her to feel because that is the way they motivate Witnesses to work harder in the Minsitry. Also when you observe bad behaviour at the KH - particularly directed at her and you, talk to her about it so she can start to see that the community is not the paradise of 'Christian Love' they make themselves out to be - that they are in fact a bunch of petty-minded judgemental hypocrites. If you have any worldly acquaintances - expose her to them so she can see they are not the corrupt evil greedy people that the organisation portrays them as. It is through her experiences you can best trigger thought-changing cognitive dissonance. Abstract debates about doctrine are less effective. Good luck, Fraz
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erbie
Wow, it seems that a few of us are going through the same thing. It is somehow comforting to know that.
I have an appointment with my solicitor today at 10:30 UK time to deal with just this issue.
I was first to leave, at first she carried on without me and took the kids. Then she had an affair and decided to leave the cult and is now basically an atheist and an extremely angry one at that. She says she hates me, the thought of sleeping next to me makes her skin crawl etc, etc.
She is now extremely angry, aggressive and abusive both physically and verbally. I had to go on anti depressants earlier this year and am also on a programme of CBT as my self confidence and particularly my self belief are shot to hell.
I am as nervous as hell about dismantling the marriage after 20 years and it terrifies me, making me feel physically sick, waking in the night and so on.
Anyone out there who is going through the same, I feel for you because I've lived through hell for ten long years.
She will not leave because she is afraid of her Witness parents but I have been told by several different doctors not to suffer the abuse any longer.
I love my children and they don't want this but it has made me ill both mentally and physically so I need to extricate myself or there won't be anything left of me to give them.
This isnt my thread, I just stumbled across it and I guess I ought to post my own when I have more time and if you would like to hear how I get on.
Good look to everyone who suffers the same 👍✋