If You Can't Face A Witness Funeral Again.. (page 2)

MarchOn

Dear Englishman,
I know too of what you are saying. It was this way for my father's funeral and will be for my mothers. What are we supposed to do when it is what our parents want? To make matters worse (or better, depending on how you look at it) non of the children in my family are jws. On one hand we could just go ahead and do whatever we want, who would have more say then us? But on the other hand my mother would want a jw funeral. Any good suggestions out there???

Valis

Such a bad memory! My grandfather's funeral was overshadowed by a TALk given by an elder/neighbor. The funny thing is there was no truth behind his little talk of the hope of resurrection for my grandfather. In the back of his mind he had to be thinking, "I know this man who left the congregation because we counseled him on his clothing, smoked like a smokestack, and hadn't been to a Kingdom Hall in 20+ years is not going to be remembered by God, but I mind as well get a plug in for Jehovah...".....To think of the shit he went through in WW2 as a conscientous objector...he refused to kill, and drove ambulances instead. he comes home after picking up body parts to resume his JW life and they fuck with him about some article of clothing. He told em to stuff it! Well, all of that was running through my mind as paradise blah blah Jevovah blah blah blah...I left and had a smoke......the whole concept of having to attend the Hall for my long list of JW relatives is insane, so I feel ya there!

Sincerely,

District Overbeer

mustang

MarchOn,

I will shorten my comments:

Usually the funeral home doesn't "collect it's gear" for a short pe-riod. Pay the funeral home to leave it up, if you have to. Come back the second day with a funeral director and have him start a NON-DENOMINATIONAL SERVICE. You or friends or other relatives can join in, if you feel like it. They are YOUR family and they aren't OWNED by WTS and neither are you.

Actually, if you felt like having a DENOMINATIONAL SERVICE, it is sim-ply a matter of arrangements. Surviving JW relative's could disagree, but then a NON-DENOMINATIONAL SERVICE would be the way to go. If disagreement is not an issue, then that is what family fusses are for.

Mustang

All that I write or utter is considered to be protected by religious freedom under the Constitution of the United States, as the "free exercise" and "freedom of speech" clauses.

StinkyPantz

OUTLAW-

You have some serious problems hunny :-), but I like you nonetheless.

StinkyP

"Keep your friends close, but your enemies even closer"

Undecided

Hi Englishman,

My mother died 25 years ago and I can't remember any of the funeral, I know it was a JW who conducted the funeral but I can't remember any thing that was said, or who was there. Damn, my mind is gone. I hate not being able to remember things anymore. I remember being with her when she died but the details of the funeral seems like another world. I think I will write some instructions for my own funeral, I don't want it to become an occasion for proselytizing.

Ken P.

Jankyn

I'm with the folks suggesting a private memorial service for those who'd like one.

My aunt, disfellowshipped for 20+ years, recently died. Of course, the JW family members refused to go to the funeral at her church, but had a graveside gathering at which we were all invited to share our memories of her. What I found intriguing is the way the JWs all shared memories of those 20-odd years ago, when my aunt was a Witness. It was as if her life stopped for them when she was disfellowshipped. (Oh, I guess it did).

Jankyn

Scully

I've put up with some really crappy treatment from Witnesses over the last 30 years, but one of the top-ranking shittiest moments was when my mother-in-law passed away 6 weeks before before our firstborn was due to arrive.

"Mrs. C" was a Catholic, and didn't like the Witnesses, although she tolerated them for the sake of the three of her sons who were JWs. When she died suddenly, the most respected members of our congregation took delight in the fact that an opposer was silenced, and while hubby went to attend to arrangements, I was cornered after the meeting on Sunday morning and was questioned as to whether I was going to dare attend the funeral at the Catholic church, because of the risk of becoming an apostate by listening to false doctrine. The pioneer sister also mentioned that the baby could hear while still in the womb (quoting a "Watching the World" snippet from a recent Awake! magazine) and that it would be irresponsible of me to subject the baby to that sort of corruption.

When we did go to the wake and the funeral, there was really nothing about doctrine. It was about my mother-in-law's life, and the people who knew her were talking about loving memories they wanted to share with others. It was nothing like the opportunistic "Watchtower Commercials" that JWs have for their deceased.

The JWs have cost my family a lot, in terms of having family occasions turn into either "Watchtower Commercials" - in the case of my own wedding and my JW brother's wedding - or conflicts with non-JW members by INSISTING on things be done THEIR way so as not to "offend" JW members - my grandparents' funerals, and my non-JW brother's wedding.

E-man, while I respect your Mum's wishes to have the PO give the talk when she passes, unless she's already looked after the costs etc, you and your brother will be paying for this event, and the dubs will gladly eat and drink whatever you provide (free food is free food after all), and they won't spend a plug nickel on your Mum. Have the service at a funeral home, have it conducted by a humanist speaker, without reference to religion at all. Invite those of her who knew her to say a few words, keeping it brief - one or two minutes each - so that any sermon by a dub will be cut short and you can omit troublemakers by conveniently overlooking them. They'll be able to say their piece afterward.

If the dubs want to have their own Memorial Service at the Kingdom Hall in her behalf, let them. They likely wouldn't invite you anyway.

Just some thoughts, knowing these are things that everyone here will have to face eventually....

Love, Scully

MrMoe

Last Friday evening I went through my mother's funeral at the Kingdom Hall. Felt simply wretched at first, but not much I could do, not like you can avoid it. Actually, after I sat down and took a few deep breaths, it went a bit better than I thought it would. Mind you, some folks ignored me, but I got an equal number of hugs as I did disdainful looks. Who really gives a rats ass these people don't like me even if I am in "fair" standing. My mother died, so why the hell should I care about their opinion, not worth my time or effort.

Now, as far as having to listen 1,624,524 times about "the resurrection hope," you know your beliefs and what you think is dribbled-on none-sense. Funeral's are never easy, death is even worse. Sometimes you have to swallow your pride and keep your mouth shut - can't always have everything the way we want.

Interesting how in times like the death of a loved one, you don't really worry about the little things, as you are more upset with the loss rather than the fact that you have to go to one of the places you hate the most.

You will get a lot of "Hope you start going to the meetings again," or other jw speeches of various sizes and colors. What did I do. Shed tears just like any other memorial service and left soon after. All you can do.

Hugs,
Moe

Bendrr

Hi Englishman.
I have to agree with those who suggest having *two* services, one for your mom and another for the dubs. That's actually a good way to look at it, since a Witness funeral is merely a sermon with a dead body at the front of the room.

When my Granny Eleanor passed away in '96 she had a dub funeral, though at a funeral home since there was not a nearby KH. For the last few years before she died, she lived with my step-dad's non-JW brother-in-law and his family and I did get to spend some time with her.
I heard about her death a mere 2 hours before the funeral. I think my folks did that on purpose, figuring I wouldn't show up. I did. The self-righteous, backstabbing P.O. of Granny Eleanor's former congregation gave the sermon. He also cornered me in the parking lot before the service with this smart-ass comment that he didn't want me to feel uncomfortable because this was a Jehovah's Witness funeral. (can't believe I actually held my temper AND mouth in check that time!)
The whole [non-dub] family left the service totally pissed at the choice of speaker, the sermon, and the conduct of the dubs present. Yeah, real good witness you gave there, BROTHER Kelly!

Moral of the story is that a dub funeral won't do anything but make non-dub family feel even worse. I say you should definitely have a non-jw, even non-religious, service for the non-jw family members!

Mike.

...

OUTLAW

Hey mustang,OUTLAW a dub funeral director..LOL..Man I would piss alot of people off,the rest would die laughing(which is good for business,LOL!)..>>>Hey stinky pants,your moniker cracks me up.When my mom dies,Satan is gonna crap his pants,because the "BOSS" will be back.He is gonna get his ass kicked for not running things properly while she was away..LOL...OUTLAW

If You Can't Face A Witness Funeral Again..

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