Top 10 ways to get rid of Dubs at the door

by absolutelynoone 33 Replies latest jw friends

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  absolutelynoone

  10. When they ask, "Can I talk to you about God?" Reply, "Sure, what would you like to know?"

  9. Answer the door with a bloody knife and say, "I'm sorry, could you come back in a half hour? We're not done with the virgin yet."

  8. Answer the door with an automatic weapon and say 'Allah be Praised!

  7. Ask them for their address. When they ask why you want it, claim that you want to appear on their doorstop univited so that you can peddle your own beliefs.

  6. Tell them that you've "been there. done that." and that if they want to know more they can look up your posts on jehovahs-witness.com.

  5. Tell them you already have your own religion. When they ask what it is, wince a little before confessing, "er, I'm not sure if it's legal in this country

  4. A chalk outline of a human body on the pavement, and a few copies of "The Watchtower" scattered around...

  3. Answer every one of their questions with "What do you mean by that?" This might take a while, but you and your loved ones can have fun placing bets on how long it takes for them to leave.

  2. Ask them to explain the story of Elisha and the Forty-two children.

  1. Invite them in to see your fine collection of bongs.
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  Dawn

  I LOVE #4!!!
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  Dutchie

  Yep, Dawn, #4 is a keeper!

  
  
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  absolutelynoone

  thanks, Dutchie and Dawn.

  As you can see I'm a newbie, but the stuff I've gotten to read on this board has kept me in front of the computer for days. I'm really enjoying this. It's cathartic. I've wanted so much to vent over the past ten years. :o) What a forum!

  Absolutely
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  ChiChiMama

  #11 So glad you made it!Come on in!
  We are having a seaonce and we have a spirit here that keeps asking to speak with you.

  ChiChi
  
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  absolutelynoone

  Good one ChiChi,

  12. Lean seductively against the door frame and say,"Hey, big brother man, is that a Truth book in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?" Of course, knowing some of the dubs, this may backfire.

  C'mon guys, antie up. Let's grow the list. heh heh
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  Soledad

  #13 Answer the door in your Smurfs nightgown
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  Bendrr

  Hey some fresh ideas! Thanks for not including "answering the door naked", that one's getting a little stale.

  I'll add a little to that list. A couple are just humorous, others will really "f" up their presentation.

  11. Have a t-shirt handy to throw on before you open the door. With something really offensive on it like a white supremacist message or something about NAMBLA.

  12. Answer the door nervously wearing prison inmate clothes.

  13. Dab some white powder around your nose and act all hyper when you answer the door.
  
  14. Interrupt the dubs constantly, but interrupt to agree with them and with things relevant to the "conversation". We all know someone who does that and it drives me nuts. It will totally derail a dub's presentation.
  
  15. Nod and say "uh-huh, uh-huh" the whole time they are talking.

  16. Maintain 100% eye contact with the speaker the WHOLE time they are at the door. Alternately, to really unnerve them, maintain 100% eye contact with the speaker's companion.
  (or)
  17. Avoid eye contact totally. Don't look at either dub's face, body, hands, literature, anything. Instead, look just past them like you're making eye contact with someone right behind them and maintain that stare.

  18. Every few seconds, look away from them towards some spot on the ground next to the doorstep or above them at the top of the porch or whatever. (When I used to go in service with my mom, who is deathly afraid of spiders, I used to do that to her while we were waiting for the person to answer the door. All I had to do was look up and start to point and she'd jump behind me. Sometimes I could get her twice before the door opened.)

  When I used to go in service, it was always the little things that were the most distracting and would throw off my whole spiel. The really outrageous stuff is funny, but just gives the car group something to talk about the rest of the day. If you're more subtle, you get the last laugh.

  Mike.

  ...
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  ChiChiMama

  Because JWs are so supersticious and paranoid about anything they consider spiritistic, it makes the possibilities endless.

  You could claim to be a psycic and tell them that you see their spirit guides standing one on each side of them.You could describe them and then tell them that they each have a message they want you to deliver to them.
  This freaks JWs out because they don't want to hear anything from spirits.They will probably scream Jehovah's name and start praying.They will leave if you insist on delivering the message.

  Something as harmeless as inviting them in to watch "Casper The Friendly Ghost" and having breakfast with you that consists of the following choices would make them nervous,LUCKY CHARMS,BOO BERRY, & COUNT CHOCULA[{:)]

  There are many variations to this.

  ChiChi
  
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  aluminutty

  Number 1 is a killer. I can just imagine the expression. Whow, you could show Jah's love, now couldn't you? he Ha Ha He He. Tproblem with number one is that if you value that bong collection, I wouldn't tell Joe average DUB. You see, i've got a feeling that the average dub would take that invitation right over to Cesar. Funny how anything but childhood sexual abuse should be taken to the athorities. That brings me to what now, number 19?

  19. Tell them that your a reporter for NBC's Dateline and you are doing... that's all you'd get out before the bookbags hit the trunk.

  Edidited to corect the number.