Top 10 ways to get rid of Dubs at the door (page 3)

AjaxMan

Gently,

I seriously doubt that the JWs will say that they have a bad day at Field Service. They always try to project a positive image despite the contrary, but you did say a good one about casting a Good Luck spell on them.

funkyderek

Be really friendly and invite them in. Excuse yourself for a moment, lock them in and then go to the pub or the cinema for a few hours. (You know they won't steal anything.) When you come back, attempt to continue the conversation where you left off.

--
Bad times, hard times - this is what people keep saying; but let us live well, and times shall be good. We are the times: Such as we are, such are the times. - St. Augustine, 354-430

absolutelynoone

perhaps you could invite them in begin discussion and then turn on the TV and ask them to apply their bible principles to the lives of the characters of your favorite daytime soap opera.

greven

open the door, smile and ask; "would you like a french kissy?"
- regardless if "it" is male or female.

greven.

"Fear is strange soil. Mainly it grows obedience like corn, which grows in rows and makes weeding easy. But sometimes it grows the potatoes of defiance, which flourish underground."
-from "Small Gods" by Terry Pratchett-

dustrabbit

Other ways to get rid of JWs
My way: Invite them in and ask if they want to try out your sacrifical knife collection. If you really feel frisky and are a male, make sure you're wearing your wife's/gf's stuff from Victoria Secret's when you invite them in to see the knife collection.
Other ways: Tell them you're a Moonie and you want to marry them. Right. Now. This works better if you're a male and there's two female dubs at the door. Better yet, if there's two female dubs, say you're a radical Mormon and you want to add two new wives to the Harem. Today.
Turn your nose up in the air. Sniff like a hunting dog. Reply, "The Right Guard ain't workin', buddy."
Asking them if they were sent to your door by the Alatollah (sp?). (Iranian spiritual leader/cleric)
Ask them if they are they "peguin dust" delivery person. (Read "Marriage" by Gregory Corso and you'll get the joke.)
Say, "Any church that accepted Wacko Jacko is my enemy."
Two abbreviations: U.N. NGO

To do list:
1.Still waiting to goose the Organization.

drahcir yarrum

Whatever you do, DON'T send your pre-teen children to the door naked. You may NEVER get rid of them then.

dustrabbit

More ways to get rid of dubs:
1. Tell them you're allergic to Bible Paper.
2. When they say they here to spread the "Good News of the Kingdom", reply, "I've got Bad News. Jehovah cancelled your parade."
3. Tell them you're quite busy collecting donation for the Dateline Interviewees' Legal Defense Fund.
4. Shout out, "There's an apostate at my door." Make sure that the other dubs canvassing the neighborhood hear this.
5. Tell them, "Yes, Moses's Ghost told me this morning that you would be coming."
6. Dress up as the Neil Gainman version of "Sandman" comic strip character.
7. Ask them, "Hey, I heard Ray Franz guy is pretty hot. Can i have a date with him?"
8. Ask them, "Why do the Williams sister get to wear those hot tennis outfits with their boobies hangin' out and you all look like you stepped out of Walmart/K-Mart?"
9. Tell them, "I am Yahweh." Then using special effects, set your front lawn's bushes on fire.
10. Invite to become a swinging partner with you and your wife. Just make sure you stress that you're HIV postive and an *apostate* Satanic commie.

To do list:
1.Still waiting to goose the Organization.

TR

Hmmmm... some very good suggestions. I like 'em. I like 'em- a lot.

While we're sort of talking about cameras, why not a video? Ask the 'hovahs to sit down, tell them we're videotaping the conversation today. Or, maybe go so far as to set up a hidden camera, Catch them saying all kinds of weird crap. The reactions to questions they're not used to getting asked is what would be priceless. Then of course the nervous "we gotta go, people are in the car waiting" routine would start when the conversation is going T.U. on them.

Naw, too much work.

TR

UADNA-WA
Unseen Apostate Directorate of North America- Washington Division

LyinEyes

Just hang a do not disturb sign on your door that read, Shhhhhh
Do not knock , please go away , I am trying to sleep off a hangover.
Don't return tomorrow either,, I plan on sleeping off another one.
Thanks for you cooperation .

dustrabbit

More ways to get rid of JWs at your door:
1. Ask them if the want any blood pudding? To be more effective, take pudding with some really realistic blood-red dye in it.
2. Tell them you work for the CIA and you would the address for your files.
3. Wildly grab ahold of them and scream, "There's unfavorable omens in the sky!"
4. Tell them that you have reliable sources telling you that Osama bin Laden is humping one of the GB's granddaughter and then challenge them to clean up the Organization's act.
5. Play any dirty song from Prince real loud while they are preaching. Make repeated mention of Prince being a JW.
6. A la "Blazing Saddles": Put a gun to your head and scream, "I'm gonna shoot the Goat if you don't walk away."
7. Play Madonna's "Erotica", dance wildly while simulating unmentionable acts and then play "Secret" and ask if they would you to share your secret with them. This works better if you have older females at your door.
8. Pick your nose and talk like "Rainman", just repeating "Judge Wapner at six." over and over.
9. Ask them why in the hell if only God knows the future, why he bother to send them to your door if he knows you won't listen. Then close the door.
10. If you live in a multi-storied house, why not throw water balloons out the window at them?
11. Ask them for their address, when they inquire as to why you want it, exclaim, "I'm taking the goddam the nieghborhood to your door this Halloween. And if you don't ante up, there's gonna be plenty of tricks, if you get my drift."
Do you get the idea that I have waaaaay too much time on my hands here in China?
The dustrabbit

To do list:
1.Still waiting to goose the Organization.

Top 10 ways to get rid of Dubs at the door

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