Waiting's Never-ending Joke Thread

by Seven 305 Replies latest social humour

• 

  waiting

  Howdy y'al,

  Hope everybody is doing fine? Good - Friday's upon us - which means the weekend is sooooooooo close!

  From my sister, Pat:

  Supposed dialogue of a former Customer Care Support employee:

  "Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you? "

  "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect. "

  "What sort of trouble? "

  "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away. "

  "Went away? "

  "They disappeared. "

  "Hmmmm. So what does your screen look like now? "

  "Nothing. "

  "Nothing? ? "

  "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type. "

  "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out? "

  "How do I tell? "

  "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen? "

  "What's a sea-prompt? "

  "Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen? "

  "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type. "

  "Does your monitor have a power indicator? "

  "What's a monitor? "

  "It's the thing with a screen that looks like a TV. Look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that? "

  "Yes, I think so. "

  "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall. "

  "Yes, it is. "

  "Does the monitor have a little light that tells you when it's on? "

  "I don't know. "

  "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it,
  not just one? "

  "No. "

  "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable. "

  "Okay, here it is. "

  "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer. "

  "I can't reach. "

  "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is? "

  "No. "

  "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over? "

  "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark. "

  "Dark? "

  "Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window. "

  "Well, turn on the office light then. "

  "I can't. "

  "No? Why not? "

  "Because there's a power failure. "

  "A power. . . A power failure? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in? "

  "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet. "

  "Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from. "

  "Really? Is it that bad? "

  "Yes, I'm afraid it is. "

  "Well, all right then, I suppose.
  What do I tell them? ? "

  "Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer.

  I hereby dedicate this to all our computer programmers around here.
• 

  Caole

  Hey Waiting...great seeing you here again Wouldn't be suprised if that was real dialogue...some of the stories I've heard from a friend who worked as tech support are almost unbelievable I've been a bit leary of posting on this thread...don't want to be the one to "wipe it out" Maybe we should start a "Waiting's Never-ending Joke Thread...Part Two"? Crossing my fingers...hoping that this isn't the straw that breaks the camel's back...

  Mr. Perkins, the biology instructor at a posh suburban girl's junior college, said during class, "Miss Smythe, would you please name the organ of the human body, which under the appropriate conditions, expands to six times its normal size, and define the conditions."

  Miss Smythe gasped, then said freezingly, "Mr. Perkins, I don't think that is a proper question to ask me. I assure you that my parents will hear of this." She sat down red-faced.

  Unperturbed, Mr. Perkins called on Miss Johnson and asked the same question.

  Miss Johnson, with composure, replied, "The pupil of the eye, in dim light."

  "Correct," said Mr. Perkins. "And now, Miss Smythe, I have three things to say to you. One, you have not studied your lesson...two, you have a dirty mind...and three, you will some day be faced with a dreadful disappointment."
• 

  waiting

  Hey Caole!

  you will some day be faced with a dreadful disappointment."

  snicker. snicker.

  Btw, how about "Never Ending Joke Thread II" - more people might post to it if *my* name isn't attached.......for some unknown reason.

  I like that - how about you start it? Everybody likes you - you never argue. Well, Seven doesn't either. Damn it! Somebody's gotta keep the argument going!

  I will follow your lead............

  waiting

  OOPS.........when I posted this, I got an internal error message. Figured Seven's prophecy came true - she IS good, isn't she?

  Anyway.........for your chuckling pleasure - a new thread called more appropriately "Never Ending Jokes, Part II"

  See ya there? http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/forum/thread.asp?id=12299&site=3

  And my many thanks to Seven for starting this fine tradition.
• 

  teejay

  waiting,

  When I moved here, just married - my old girlfriend called me some months later. She asked how the marriage was going, and I said "Ok, but he's a royal pain in the ass."

  She starting coughing and carrying-on over the phone (now that irritated me no-end), and then finally (hacking) said: "As if you aren't!"

  I was righteously offended and said that I didn't think so. She (who had worked with me also) said "You're the biggest pain in the ass I've ever met!"

  I never valued her opinion much in retrospect. One of those blond hussies we hear about.

  Now THAT was funny as hell!!!
• 

  Seven

  .
• 

  dustrabbit

  Dredged

  There was a pair of young lovers in Dalhart, Texas...let's call them Jenny and Billy Bob. Jenny and Billy Bob are 16 and virgins. Last week, Jenny tells Billy Bob that they can "do it" finally, but only with condoms. Plus, he must finally have dinner at her house, so she can introduce him to her parents.
  Billy Bob doesn't have any condoms for the dirty deed, nor does he know much about sex, so he figures be better get some at the only pharmacy in town. He goes in, tries to figure out what he really needs: ribbed, lubricated, etc. So the friendly pharmacists comes overs and asks him if he needs help. They talk for an hour or two, and finally the pharmcists asks, "Do you need the three pack, six pack, or family size?"
  Well, our boy Billy bob figures since it's his first time and all, he proudly boasts, "The family pack."

  The night of the "get-to-know-you" dinner, Billy bob comes over and and is introduced to Jenny's parents. They all sit down to the dinner table and Jenny father begins the prayer. After the prayer is over, Billy bob still has his head down low.
  "Billy bob, you didn't tell me you were so religious," Jenny tells him.
  "You didn't tell me your dad was a pharmacist."