Waiting's Never-ending Joke Thread (page 25)

waiting

Attention: For the blondes, English, Irish, hippos, etc: who would like to have a handy "retort" ready for Zep............

He's Australian.

Go for it.

waiting

Australians are proof that the Aborigines screwed kangaroos.

Seven

Hey Zep!!

Q. What do you call a blonde with an Australian man?
A. A hostage.

Australia's Future Status
The Australian Prime Minister was meeting the Queen at Balmoral. They were discussing Australia's plans for the future. He asked the Queen if it was possible to turn Australia into a Kingdom to increase its status in the world market.
"One needs a King for a Kingdom and you are most certainly not a King." the Queen replied.
"is it possible to turn Australia into an Empire?" he asked.
"For an Empire you need an Emperor you are most certainly not an Emperor." the Queen replied.
He thought for a moment and then asked if it was possible to turn Australia into a principality.
"For a principality you need a Prince and you are certainly not a prince." she replied. "Without meaning to be rude Prime Minister," she continued, "I think Australia should remain as a country".

Zep

oh yeah you guys. Well, I know some pretty good yankee jokes too. Back later he he!

waiting

Hey Zep!

If you've got water on the knee, you're not aiming straight Tim Denes

Caole'll give ya a run fer your aussie money!

My real sister, Patio, is now a fine member of our web family - and she sent me this joke:

Subject: WHAT HALLMARK DOESN'T PRINT....................

1. So your daughter's a hooker,
and it spoiled your day.
Look at the bright side,
it's really good pay.

2. My tire was thumping.
I thought it was flat.
When I looked at the tire.
I noticed your cat. Sorry !

3. You had your bladder removed and you're on the mend.
Here's a bouquet of flowers and a box of Depends.

4. You've announced that you're gay, won't that be a laugh,
when they find out you're one of the Joint Chiefs of Staff.

5. Happy Vasectomy !
Hope you feel zippy !
Cause when I had mine,
I got real snippy.

6. Heard your wife left you.
How upset you must be.
But don't fret about it.
She moved in with me.

7. You totaled your car.
And can't remember why.
Could it have been.
That whole case of Bud Dry ?

Caole

Maybe its just because you people are just so f'king boring and anal

Not all Zep...just some of us Well...if you're not going to take a crack at us yankees...I will. Here's one for our friends to the north:

Three Canadians and three Americans are traveling by train to a hockey game. At the station, the three Americans each buy tickets and watch as the three Canadians buy only a single ticket.

"How are the three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asks an American.

"Watch and you'll see," answers a Canadian. They all board the train.

The Americans take their respective seats, but all three Canadians cram into a bathroom and close the door behind them. Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the bathroom door and says, "Ticket please." the door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on.

The Americans see this and agree it was quite a clever idea. After the game, the Americans decide to copy the Canadians on the return trip and save some money. When they get to the station, they buy a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the Canadians don't buy a ticket at all.

"How are you going to travel without a ticket?" says one perplexed American. "Watch and you'll see," answers a Canadian.

When they board the train, the three Americans cram into a bathroom and the three Canadians cram into another nearby. The train departs.

Shortly afterwards, one of the Canadians leaves and walks over to the bathroom where the Americans are hiding, knocks on the door and says, "Ticket please."

Caole

Seven...I'm really curious about that Calvin and Hobbs cartoon you had to remove...is it still out there somewhere? Maybe we could "borrow" it.

Waiting...one of my sisters sent me those "What Hallmark Doesn't Print" emails too...with an addendum. Here are the rest

MORE CARDS YOU WILL NEVER SEE IN HALLMARK:

"Looking back over the years that we've been together, I can't help but wonder: What the **** was I thinking?"

"Congratulations on your wedding day! Too bad no one likes your wife."

"How could two people as beautiful as you have such an ugly baby?"

"I've always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love. After having met you, I've changed my mind."

"I must admit, you brought Religion in my life. I never believed in Hell till I met you."

"As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am that you're not here to ruin it for me."

"If I get only one thing for Christmas, I hope it's your sister."

"As you grow older, Mum, I think of all the gifts you've given me. Like the need for therapy..."

"Thanks for being a part of my life!!! I never knew what evil was before this!"

"Congratulations on your promotion! Before you go, would you like to take this knife out of my back. You'll probably need it again."

"Someday I hope to get married, but not to you."

"When we were together, you always said you'd die for me. Now that we've broke up, I think it's time you kept your promise."

"I'm so miserable without you, it's almost like you're here."

"Congratulations on your new bundle of joy. Did you ever find out who the father was?"

"You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship and there was only one life jacket.... I'd miss you heaps and think of you often."

"Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!!" (Available only in Kentucky.)

I'm lead to believe that the motto of the French Navy as a call to action is literally translated as "To the water, it is the hour".

I'm told that the French for this is:

"A l'eau! C'est l'heure!!"

which seems entirely plausible.

Now just say that to yourself several times and then tell me if this is true or not

cheers,

Englishman.

..... fanaticism masquerading beneath a cloak of reasoned logic.

waiting

Dammit Englishman!

Now you've gone and tried to make us think..........

Well, it won't work in my case, thank you.

waiting

Waiting's Never-ending Joke Thread

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