Watching my parents age and die.....

by LDH 42 Replies latest jw friends

  • joelbear
    joelbear

    Hi Lisa,

    It is always interesting to compare the interaction with you and your parents with that of me with mine.

    My parents just sent me a check for $5000. Astonishing. They are afraid of the chance that they might end up having a stroke or some other severe medical problem and lose all their money before they can will it to my brother and I. My dad is still sharp at age 79.

    I was quite pleased that they did this, more because of the thought process behind it than the actual money itself.

    I have not and will not raise the Dateline subject with them. They have given their life willingly to the Watchtower and they are content with that even though they admit that they have been disappointed by some things the society has said and done.

    We talked about college and how I am now going back to school because it is so hard to find a decent job without a degree and how my brother is also struggling without an education. We talked about how the society used to discourage an education and how now witness children freely go. We agreed that it was because they thought the end was so close in the mid 70s. We disagreed on whether the society was to blame for this or whether it was just an honest mistake.

    My parents use a completely different approach to the situation than yours do. They firmly keep to their faith. It means everything to them. They don't argue points with me anymore though. They understand my position on things and simply hope that my position will change.

    Clearly, our parents have a great deal invested in "the truth". Whenever anyone has a great deal of investments in anything, be it a philosophy, a job, a home, a stock, etc, they tend to have a bigger emotional response.

    The Watchtower wants this large emotional investment. That is how they keep things going in spite of scandal, falsities, etc. They get people to invest their own souls into "the truth." Remember the song, Make the Truth your Own. That is exactly what they want. People stop seeing the "truth" or the "society" as something separate from themselves, but rather, have such a personal investment, that insulting the "truth" is like insulting them or their children.

    It does no good to argue it. We have lost our parents as far as them being free people. They are emotional slaves. My recommendation is to pity them and not fight them. Think of them as wounded animals that need help but when you try to help them, they bite and scratch and fight you. That is what they are. They are wounded animals with their foot caught in the Watchtower trap and too old to fight their way free and even if they did they would have to go through the remainder of their life crippled and in pain.

    Peace and hugs my sister.

    Joel

  • mouthy
    mouthy

    Dear Lisa I read your account with heart ache.I know just what you mean.I love my JW daughter grand-daughters- great-grandchildren.
    I went throught something the same as you. We are(were) a very close family-until I was "ousted"from the JWs.
    My daughter threw me out of her house because I was trying to explain what I had read in "The Orwellian Mind Of Jehovahs Witnesses"
    It was 1.30 a.m We were in Montreal-we had to drive to Ontario ( my other daughter who was still in the JW-so was I.) I had only just learned how to drive at 58 years old.It takes 6 hours to get home-
    I had to share the driving.But you have to remember the words of Jesus -"Forgive them they know not what they do" they are "driving their planes into US.....thinking it is Gods will.
    I agree with your sister. LOVE THEM........I to hope they will all wisen up one day..Love ya. try not to dwell on their ways-Good you wont let you kiddy get there "encouraging letters" burn em!!!!

  • LDH
    LDH

    I guess I hit a weak spot....a ton of responses tells me I'm not the only one going through this.

    Joel, my parents have always been financially generous...including this time, too.

    But for them they could NEVER acknowledge that ANY wrong was done. I once sent my dad a cut and paste job off of Quote's website about college and higher education, and his response? They were all "taken out of context."

    I won't fight them Joel, but by the same token man I will not back down from confronting their foolish beliefs.

    This is the only way I can remain sane in dealing with them.

    Lisa

  • gsx1138
    gsx1138

    {{{{Lisa}}}}
    I know how ya feel. My mother has her head firmly up the WTS ass. I'm in dread of having any religous conversation with her as it's like talking to a brick wall. The advice given to you is very good. Just give them unconditional love. It is hard because they are your parents but they are still just people. My mother came over on wednesday and she looks sooo old now. I don't think she can change now even if she wanted to so it just makes me more sad. You can email me anytime if ya want.

  • LittleToe
    LittleToe

    (((Lisa)))
    Sux dunnit!!!

    I can't bear to think of my parents that way.
    I'm only pleased that all my grandparents have passed off the scene, so that I don't have to watch them go through it, as well.

    Time waits for no man, and at the end of it all we all live and die by our own decisions.

    Hillary's advice was good.
    You've got a big heart - keep the faith!

  • Michael3000
    Michael3000

    ((((((((((LISA)))))))))))

    Big Hugz to you, Sweetie. My folks are in their early 70's, and still working, 'cause the Which?Tower infuelnced them not to live "for this system of things". No retirement, no nest-egg, nada. As far back as I can remember, they have always lived from paycheck to paycheck. This didn't set such a great example for my siblings and me, since now, as adults, we all have had trouble managing money. I think I'm the only one in my family with a pension plan and a Supplemental Retirement Account (similar to a 401k)! When my parents' health really starts to decline, I can just imagine who my JW siblings will come running to for help! Sometimes, it's like I'm just waiting to see which one dies first. Will I get invited to the funeral, or will I be told after the fact? So sad that they so easily allow themselves to be so far removed from their own flesh & blood.

    My heart goes out to you, Hon.

  • hillary_step
    hillary_step

    Hello Lisa,

    I posted this quotation in another thread way back when. It was a comment made by William Barclay, a theologian and Greek scholar whom I felt very privileged to have met in my University days, back when a 'joint' was called a 'reefer'...lol

    These words effected me profoundly, and have always rested at the basis of why, though not a conventional Christian, I have always had a deep respect for the elevation of spirit that the Christian ethic can bring when practiced by those who truly respect its tenets. I only wish that I could live them to the maximum :

    The Christian love goes out to our enemies (Luke 6:27; cp Matt 5:44). We have seen that Christian love means unconquerable benevolence and invincible good-will. No matter what any man does to him, the Christian will never cease to seek that mans highest good. No matter how he is insulted, injured, wronged and slandered, the Christian will never aquiese to hate and will never let bitterness into his heart. When Lincoln was accused of treating his opponents with too much courtesy and kindness, and when it was pointed out to him that his whole duty was to destroy them, he answered: ‘Do I not destroy my enemies when I make them my friends?’. The Christian’s only method of destroying his enemies is to love them into being his friends.’

    No love is completely unconditional. We all have boundaries and rightly so that limit what we will accept in the way of behavior from people before we seek to protect those boundaries, but this comment comes as close as I have ever been bought to seeing the power of love over evil.

    Kindest regards Lisa - HS

  • Joyzabel
    Joyzabel

    ((((((Lisa)))))))

    <wiping tears away to type> Yes, I think you did hit a nerve with this thread.

    Many people who bought into the l975 idea are old and dying now. How sad.

    Hugs,
    j2bf

  • one
    one

    LDH i have watched that movie before...

    It is much better if parents learn the "truth abouth the truth" from someone else other than their own children...

    Fights and hurt feeling are hard to cure.

    And the fact the even if they learn "the truth about the truth" from someone else the may stay in th wt. But at least in those cases you notice the difference in the way they treat their df children after "learning" (but not acknowledging). They dont feel nor have the phisical and mental energy to start all over, put on their shoes.

  • TheStar
    TheStar

    (((LISA)))

    Everytime I read someone's shared experience I become more and more resentful toward the GB and the JW religion.

    I'm so sorry Lisa....

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