Hi Jan,
First, all parents lie to their kids on some level. Whether it's telling them that eating veggies will make them like their favorite superhero, avoiding discussing what is really going on in the family to kids that they think can't handle it by manipulation, or something else. Now, it can obviously go to the extreme like you mentioned with adults that groom children for perverted reasons. There are levels, and much depends on the intent, once again so much boils down to that. Sometimes lies protect kids, sometimes they motivate them to do something for their own good that otherwise they wouldn't do, like eating something healthy. Sometimes they deliberately hurt kids and are nefarious, like the pervert you alluded to. In the end, few relationships are all good or all bad. On a show that I listen to people often relate their past abuse and the horrors of it, but on the flip side a question is asked about positive dealings with their abuser, and most have plenty to list. Even in the midst of horrible abuses the victim often walks away conflicted on some level, because the fact that there's both positive and negative experiences is what really makes abuse so abusive. If a person was pure evil alone they could be written off more easily.
From the outside looking in it would be easy to vilify everything JW's stand for, much the same as people that look at so and so that was caught abusing their child look and only see a horrible parent or adult. And I'm not saying that the organization, or that abusive parent, hasn't done horrible things. But there were good things that those in the organization experienced. And none of us make it through life unscathed. Whether it be parents, coworkers, friends, strangers, organizations, etc., all of us get abused in some way.
For some the intent of everything JW is evil. For others it is all beautiful reflections of the attributes of Jehovah God as they see it. For me, it is in between. Some really good stuff, some really bad and damaging stuff, and some things in between. I try to choose to see all sides of it.
And if you start taking kids away from narcissistic parents that are overly controlling, good luck raising all of those kids, lol. They might then rise up and point at all of the lax parents that let kids do whatever they want at the other end of the spectrum and you can take all of their kids away too. In the end, even the controlling narcissist can have good intent. Intent isn't always borne out in the results that come from it. My parents meant well and did a number on me. I was very resentful of that and still harbor some, but I try to temper it with intent as far as I know it.
You see the organization as trying to hurt their kids through manipulative tactics. I see them as trying too hard to protect their kids and wanting them to be good enough for salvation that they're willing to do whatever they can to push them that way as they see it. I understand that isn't always a popular view among people that have been hurt tremendously (as have I) by this organization. It is easy just to look at them as dysfunctional parents that should be discarded, as that's how they view their own children, as objects to be discarded. I hope that I'm getting away from that way of thinking. They're people too, subject to the same disorders and foibles that we all are, and even not being able to admit it freely is part of that for them. It is honestly textbook narcissism from books that I've read on it, and the life I've lead with people like that.
It makes me think of a story that I once heard on a podcast. The parents of this family wanted Christmas to be magical for their kids. They went to great lengths to concoct dramatic scenes and had people acting in them to make things so extremely real to them. A whole story was born, very deep and involved, and three of their kids loved everything about it. Even when they found out it was all a hoax after many years, the magic stuck with them and it was beautiful. However, one kid was tremendously scarred by it. He now struggles to trust anyone and it really screwed up his sense of reality. The intent was good, but one kid was sooooooooo screwed up by it. The other kids were not, in fact it added to their lives. We aren't all the same, and where people and organizations mess up is when one message is aimed at everyone and everyone is expected to fit in that box.
That's the beauty of a forum like this. Everyone gets a say. Everyone sees things differently. If we didn't, we'd be just like JW's with oppressed freedom to think and speak, shutting down anyone different than us. I may not see things just like you see them, but I can appreciate your view and see how you got there, and even feel a twinge of the "take the kids from them" that you feel. I can also see another side though from my decades in it and try to be fair as I see it.
