Surviving the Hearing to DF Me.

by Sentinel 25 Replies latest jw experiences

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  Sentinel

  Hello All,

  I must say that reading all these posts have really brought back so many memories for me. I had a terrible experience at my hearing, which I believe now, really bordered on sexual abuse of the mental kind.

  Our congregation was small. This was difficult for the few young people that attended. When I was 21 and still a virgin, I was lonely and wanted to find a suitable brother to date and marry. The few that I was around were very agressive and I had to fight some of them off me, and the couple others were just not my type. My mother kept telling me that I couldn't date boys in the world, and I'd had some very nice guys from High School that wanted to take me out, but I had to say NO everytime--and here I was just getting older and more lonely. I finally got my license to drive and got my first car, which got me on the road. Once on the road, I began to enjoy a freedom that I'd never had. I began to hang out at the local bowling alley, where I ended up meeting this boy.

  I fell hard and after many months of saying NO to sex, it finally happened. I was mortified and felt like I was a terrible sinner and would be punnished severely (by God). So I immediately went to the brothers and confessed. They told me how serious it was, and they held a hearing. No one was allowed to be with me.

  They asked me some of the most private and personal questions that burn in my mind to this day. They were so concerned about whether I had the big "O", and just exactly what he did to me and what I did to him. Whether or not we were totally naked. Where we did the deed. I just can't even go into it here. They offered me no real advice or help. They said that I was probably pregnant and that's why I was there. Right then, I knew they really didn't know me at all. They did not care for me as "their sister", and they used their position to humiliate me. They were more interested in hearing all about the experience, in full juicy sexual detail--The big confession. I broke down and sobbed and cried, and they had me right where they wanted me. Apparently, they decided that I was really bad and had to be df'd because I had been known very well in the congregation, and they wanted to set an example to alll the other young people.

  My mother never has believed my account of what happened. She has said that those Elders would never have acted that way.... The year was 1968.

  Karen/Sentinel
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  DIM

  very touching story, reminds me of when the elders were grilling me for every last detail when i was 15 years old. they love abusing their power.
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  gsx1138

  I'm sorry you had to go through all that Sentinel. My hearing was exactly the same way only I went a different route. I told them more than they ever wanted to know and I wouldn't shut up despite their attempts to get me to. Of course by the time my DF hearing came about I was ready to tell the elders to kiss my ass. I had seen too much hypocrisy to care.
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  crawdad2

  hi sentinel,

  you are right, they never knew you... ........and they never cared about you.........and they molested you mentally with their questioning.......... then they spit you out, and cut you off from all of your support group......leaving you to commit suicide.

  they were wicked............ you were not, you were full of love............i want to take those bastards down soooo bad......... god help me!

  Edited by - crawdad2 on 13 June 2002 21:24:40
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  Preston

  Hi Sentinel,

  If it gives you any degree of comfort, every time I read stories like yours, it only reinforces my decision never to go back to the congregation as long as I lived. I consider the elder's form of interrogation of form of emotional violation. Not one person should have to go through what you have, and what they did was sick and wrong. What a bunch of sick bastards....
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  ashitaka

  Sen,

  It's sad, but you're helping JWs on the brink to see the truth here. I did something non-sexual for my judicial committee (the first time), and they didn't grill me. It was too boring to grill me. In fact, I think I was only in there for about 15 minutes. In and out. Silent reproof. But, it sounds like if it's sex, the just harp on it. Sickos.

  ashi
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  Lady Lee

  Seems the elders are like that everywhere. I was raped and got the same inquisition. Unbelievable that they can call this loving counsel

  Sorry that happened to you Sentinel - just know you are not alone and you do not need to feel ashamed
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  Klaus Vollmer

  its always the same I hear: the JC members are horny to hear what happend. they need it to hear, they are longing for sexual experiences they cant make themself. So it is a wonderful occasion to squeeze out those who did it.

  I ask myself if they get more horny by listening. speaking of help they dont support, only to justify their own position and to keep the flock in fear. its something strange to me.

  Do they forget Jesus who send the woman that was known as adulterer away, without throwing stones?

  What is help? Help starts in finding solutions to make a fallen person strong again in mind, in the desire to get gods favor. As long as they df someone who confesses his sin, they are harder than hard, bonehard and dead like dead bones.

  now onder that meanwhile young jws have practice in double personality - the smile in the cong and the dirty talking outside.

  so the declared spiritual paradise is nothing more than an ugly place where you play the game "the kings new clothes". the child molester thing is the best example of how that paradise is in disharmony with the real living.

  when do those ivory tower managers awake from their dream? I guess they will when the divine trail starts at their own skin.

  speaking about good things and doing them is quite a different world
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  giantjason

  Sentinel, My wife has actually been DF'd twice, once before I knew her and the 2nd time was after we moved in together. I think the first time was for smoking.drinking and they found out she was sleeping with her boyfriend. She told me that they did the same thing, "did he penetrate?" ,"Did you enjoy it" Positions, etc. As a fatther....If anyone ever subjected my daughter to that ,I would probably end up in jail for assault. How her father Who was an elder at one point allowed this I will never know. Anyhow, she went back and begged for mercy and was reinstated a year or so later. I willnever forget the day they came to our house to df her. They had been hunting her for awhile. We would see them waiting for us at our house and she would freak out and make me leave. In my younger days I wa a bit of a Psycho. I just wanted to walk up to them and beat them(I now know that would have been wrong... >=) ). ANyhow one morning I woke up and heard my wife crying and I heard men in my house, I was a bit hungover from the night before so I was not in the greatest of moods. At the time I had long hair almost to my butt, a very long goatee(it was a grunge thing gimme a break) Many times I was told I loked like the devil himself. I listened for a second and figured out what was going on. My wife was sobbing and these bastards were reading her the riot act and showing know sympathy whatsoever. I lit up a ciggarette walked out with no shirt and said "What the F*ck is going on here, and who the f*ck are these mother f'rs!!" I watched both guys about piss themselves. My wife choked out the words "they are disfellowshipping me". I looked at tehm and asked them "I hope you are finshes because you have 2 seconds to get the f*ck out of my house you peice of sh*t". They quickly grabbed their things and left. We knew it was coming but it still pissed me off that they would come to my house and pull that. How would they feel if I walked into a meeting packed full of people and told them all how stupid they are?? Sorry you had to go through that Sentinel. And I was a very young rebellious boy back then, I now handle things differently, I still thinks it's funny though.
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  blondie

  To current and past elders:

  Where in the Elders Book or the BOE letters does it instruct to ask such specific sexual questions? I am wondering how this little policy got established.