JW marriages

Realist

since JW are not allowed to live together and cannot have sexual relations before they get married are many JW marriages unhappy? i hear that they think JW marriages are much happier than normal marriages...can anyone verify that?

Soledad

I dont know if initiating sexual contact and living together before marriage guarantees a happy marriage, jw or not.

I do think many jw marriages are phony, in the sense that either one or both are "in heat" and need to get married to avoid fornicating. I remember one couple actually abandoning their wedding reception and never came back---not too much guesswork as to where they could have gone

Something that occurred quite frequently where Im from was that a sister from a divided household wanted to marry a brother "strong in the truth" or a bethelite, so her status in the congregation instantly improved after that, instantly making her an elderette, regardless of whether her husband even was an elder.

Cant speak for myself though, I came from a divided household, and what constantly came out of my mother's mouth was "I wouldn't have these problems with your father if he was a witness." I often thought that their marriage would be 100% better if she was not a witness!

hybridous

i hear that they think JW marriages are much happier than normal marriages...can anyone verify that?

Uhh, yeah....just ask my JW parents (now divorced - but still in the 'truth')

They hate each other, won't speak to each other, wouldn't even walk over to piss on each other if the other was on fire....but they're both JWs and therefore, 'brother and sister'.

It's a laugh, or a cry, depending on your perspective at the moment.

joeshmoe

You can argue one way or the other on the effects of sex before marriage. What can, and often does, make JW marriages unhappy is the JW's disfellowshipping policies. When a mate is DF'd it creates tremendous pressure on both. I'm sure many, many a married witness has ignored their questions and consciences -- their true feelings -- to preserve the marriage. Unfortunately, that creates plenty of problems in its own right.

Incense_and_Peppermints

they're all sham marriages if you ask me. trust me, i know. my niece and her ex told me tales about everyone in the congregation that would curl your hair!

p.s. her parents are sort of liberal jw's. or too trusting. or something. her betrothed, a brother from another state, is staying at their house, and he sleeps in her little pink room with the powerpuff girls on the blanket and they have the parents convinced they're not doing anything. what a joke!

Realist

the sex thing might not be a real problem...i guess sexual incompatibility will rarely be a problem.

however, not to live together before marriage sounds risky. you don't really know the other person if you don't live together for a while. besides JW cannot even be alone most of the time while dating...so how does that work?

joeshmoe

it really depends on the couple realist. If they follow the letter of the wt like they're 'sposed to, they can only be without a chaparron when they are in public places. They're never supposed to be together alone until they're hubby and wife. So hand holding, and even kissing in moderation (more like quick pecking!) was ok if you don't mind an audience, but anything more than that was considered 'inappropriate.'

It's extreme, sure, and extremely complicated by the wt rule-makers, but probably not that different than the standards of, say 100 years ago. How were marriages back then? Beats me, but most folks say it was better (they ALWAYS say it was better in the past... sort of a witness, 'deep in the last days' kinda thing if you ask me).

Of course, they can also just sleep together, feign repentance, and get reinstated in like 3 mo.'s ... in time for a fabulously drap wedding at a KH if they want (but who would?).

saltiest

I do think many jw marriages are phony, in the sense that either one or both are "in heat" and need to get married to avoid fornicating.

I can recall at least four couples that got married right after high school or meeting each other because they wanted to have sex. I know because I was told by them. That's not to say all of the JW marriages are for that reason though. I just know it was common in our Hall and the surrounding halls. Oh, and I think...yeah, they're all divorced by now.

I grew up in a household of two parents that I wished had separated or divorced years ago. Though I think many of the pressures on my dad as well as my mom from the organization are partially to blame for the tension between them.

The claim which the WBTS puts out, that they're the happiest group of people on this earth is a load of crock. I won't even go into other areas of family, but marriages themselves rarely seemed to last in my congregation. If they did it was only "for the childrens' sake" or because divorce was highly frowned upon and sometimes cause for DF'ing. By the time I left people were getting divorced left and right so apparently either the cheating rate when up or the rules on divorce started to soften.

I myself am very grateful I never married a JW, and in fact am not married now. I honestly believe that it is very difficult to learn and get to know the person you possibly may marry if you don't live with them. I have moved in with some exes in the past and boy am I glad I did. There isn't much a person can do to hide their bad habits and different traits when they're living with you.

Anyhow, as much as I dislike JW's, it's not just them who have messed up marriages. Everywhere around the world they exist. What I think is inexcusable is when people let a religion rule their marriage and take away the individual thinking of each partner.

Alicia

Edited by - saltiest on 15 June 2002 1:50:36

BeautifulGarbage

I am a child of JW parents that married at 14 (Mom) and 19 (Dad). Regardless of religion, people getting married at such a young age have the odds against them for success. Unfortunately, my parents were married for 22 disastrous years that left me, and my siblings, shellshocked for many years.

I think the difference between JWs and other religions is in the price that is paid if one is caught or confesses to fornication. Most other religions don't expel their members and shun them.

I also have two JW cousins (sisters) that married at 15 and 16 respectively. Both are still married as far as I know. Nearly 30 years if I have my math right. Not sure because my family has been shunned by them for over 20 years.

I do know that nearly all of my JW relatives have been married right out of high school, if not before. Except for one, who was a bethelite. He didn't get married until his late 30's. Married himself one very beautiful YOUNG sister. I can imagine the CATCH he was considered.

ANdee

terafera

Andee, I know what you mean. It seemed any brother over 19 was a hottie..even if he wasnt. I remember one single brother, he was a ministerial servant...he was about 31 and single. God, I think most of the young sisters were ready to give their eye teeth to have him. I didnt see what the fuss was...wasnt that great looking to me. He had the personality of a paper bag. Once I had to ride to Fairbanks with him and some other brothers for an assembly and all the girls were sick with envy.

The problem is, all the young, single and remotely hot brothers are in Bethel, so everyone is fighting for the leftovers!

JW marriages

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