Oh, wait... nobody's messed with #3.
Well, ya know, it's funny about that...
I want to say that was Lefty Frizzell, but then again I'm thinking it was another of those early pioneers of country instead of him. Anyway, I saw the guy doing the song live once. He stopped in the middle of it and said, "Ya know, this is hard to do on sarsaparilla..." and everybody laughed.
Meanwhile, back at the ranch... I've got a version of it on a swing music CD by Jellyroll, and the name of the song is "Diving Duck", by Sleepy J. Estes. But the lyrics are a little different. It goes,
If the sea was whiskey
And I was a diving duck
If the sea was whiskey
And I was a diving duck
I'd swim to the bottom
Drink my way back up
So... that's all I know about that one, other than that one of the white trash boys in my school used to go around singing an x-rated variant of it (substitute "pussy" for "whisky", and imagine what he had in place of "never come up")