So What Tipped You Out, Then?

by Englishman 41 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  trevor

  Doubt about the Society's sincerity led me to examine their history and beliefs in a way strongly discouraged by them - with good reason.

  The Watchtower Society have built an organization based on the invisible return of Christ, invisible fulfilment of prophecy upon a "spiritual nation," living in an invisible "spiritual paradise." These rewards that the members are so proud of can only be seen with the invisible "eyes of faith."

  I was left feeling like the little boy who, unable to go along with the pretence that the Emperor wore a fine suit of clothes, declared that the Emperor was as naked as the day that he was born. And walked away from my entire family - all Witness some 50 people in all. This was 15 years ago. Finally,last week my younger brother, an elder wrote to disassociate me because of a book on the WT which I am publishing.
  
  When I left along with my wife I sat and played the Simon and Garfunkle. 'And so you see I have come to doubt all that I once held as true, I stand alone without beliefs, the only truth I have is you'
  Kathy's song)

  Trevor
• 

  Englishman

  Claudia,

  Irma Bunt was one of James Bond enemies in "On Her Majesties Secret Service.

  http://www.thejbw.com/villains/ohmss/ohmssvil.htm

  Englishman.
• 

  paulvarjak

  I can remember having doubts as a small child. 'Why do animals have sharp teeth if they aren't supposed to kill each other?'. That one got me several lashings. Why were we so adamant about the cross? What was really wrong with birthdays?

  I think the turning point came when I realized that I was not happy - and never had been. I was an elder, had pioneered for many years, married a pioneer wife of 12 years, had much 'responsibility'; but I wasn't enjoying the 'spiritual paradise'. I remember studying in the new Daniel bood for the bookstudy which I conducted. I had several secular history books that I used to compare for additional information. When all three books showed that Babylon was destroyed in 587/586, I began to seriously research and question. Needless to say, I found all the information I needed.

  I'm now happier than I have ever been in my life - as a result of my disassociation divorced, no family (as they are all JWs) but happy. Truly happy.
• 

  unanswered

  doubtingsister-i'm new too, glad to have you at the board. i just wanted to agree with waiting about the fence issue. IMO you shouldn't feel bad for taking some time(however long that is) to decide what you need to do. leaving the WT is a huge plunge to take, and most here understand that it's not necessary for us to pressure you one way or another. you don't have to pick sides here. looking forward to your posts-unanswered.

  tergiversator and paulvarjak-welcome!
• 

  conflicted

  This may sound odd, but here goes.

  I haven't been to a meeting in 11 years, but I never stopped believeing. I had doubts regarding the actions of certain elders and congregation members, but I never doubted the religious doctrine of the society. When I stopped going to meetings it was simply because I was tired of doing it, tired of 5 meeting a week, 3 bible studies a week, 30 hours of service a month. I just didn't want to do it anymore, but I still believed what they said, and was comitting myself to destruction of my own volition.

  It wasn't until about two months ago that I started looking into the history of the WTS and their many changes over the years, so I guess the turning point for me wasn't until long after I left, and started living my life like I really do have a future. I was sooo shocked when I read the comparisons between the WTS and religious cult activities. After a long time, I'm living for me - and it feels good.
• 

  joelbear

  For me there were several pushes.

  1) Growing up and beginning to watch the behavior of people in the congregation and figuring out that without my rose colored glasses that as a group we were no different from any other group.

  2) Seeing the unbelieveably bureaucratic (as opposed to theocratic way) that Bethel was run. For instance, having to have the subscription department overseer inspect your magic marker (used to proof subscription address stencils) to be sure you couldn't scrape another day's use out of it. Of course it took 3 times longer to complete a proofing job with a worn out marker, but the labor was cheap.

  3) Seeing how my loving congregation changed after I was dismissed from Bethel for telling another brother I loved him. The dismissal I understood even though it broke my heart. I came home and tried to pioneer but found my spirit was broken as well.

  4) Scriptural research I did when I was a pioneer. Mainly the comparing of different translations of the Bible and determining that some things I was teaching my Bible Studies was really really a stretch if not totally unbiblical.

  5) Coming to an understanding that I wanted to live my life now as as good a person as I could be without other humans (definitely imperfect humans) monitoring me. If there is a god he can judge me for my actions both good and bad.

  Then I left July of 1988.

  hugs to all

  Joel
• 

  SEAKEN2001

  I went reluctantly. I have to say that I was one of the many true believers who really loved being a JW. I always told my parents that I had a wonderful childhood and really enjoyed growing up. Apparently I was blind to all the crap that went on around me. I guess I chose to view things the way I did and just never took it personally when bad people did bad things to me and others. I always tried to give people the benefit of the doubt and allowed that they loved me just as much as I loved them.

  So, naturally, when my dad, and then, my mom, stopped attending meetings and started being treated as "apostates" I was willing to believe that they had somehow been stumbled and were reacting to mistreatment by so-called "brothers". For several years I worked to defend the GB and the Society. Mostly, I avoided confronting my dad and listened to my mom as she tearfully fought to stay active. Then the "brothers" decided to take action against my dad, who had written a book that they objected to. My dad threatened to sue them so they backed off. But they went after my mom and ended up DF'g her for loaning a copy of the book to her mother, who asked for it. We shorten the story to "Dad wrote a book and Mom got DF'd for it". My dad still is not DF'd.

  This raised my eyebrows and got me to asking questions as to why my parents were being treated the way they were. I could not rectify my belief that the elders and GB were being directed by holy spirit in the face of such unloving and unfair treatment. I agreed to read my dad's book. He presented an argument about the F&DS and the WT interpretation of Matt 24:45-47 that opened my mind and heart. I then realized that the F&DS was a pure fabrication and that the GB was not being directed by holy spirit, nor were the elders. For about three days I walked about in a fog and was an emotional wreck. It affected my job and my boss told me to get my act together or take a leave of absense. I pulled out of it with a new realization that all I had ever known about the truth was a lie. I guess some would call this an epiphany or being born again. But I have never felt any presense of Christ or any holy spirit at all. To me it is just an eye opener and a chance to be objective that I had never had before.

  I began reading from the bibliography my dad supplied which included Ray Franz's books and Olaf Jonson's books. Those books, along with the resources on the Net opened up the real history of the JW's and confirmed to me that I had been part of an elaborate scheme of deception akin to the Mormons, The Moonies, and other cults and societies common among mankind. Accept for a brief moment of depression I have never lost my joy for life and I still think I had a great childhood. Call me delusional but I don't bear any animosity toward the JW's or GB, elders, etc. They are all part of the deception and most of them have no idea what is going on. But I have moved on and have a whole new outlook about what my future holds.

  Sean
• 

  mommy

  Welcome to all the newbies
  I too remember questioning things as a child, always slapped down as not understanding Jehovah's plan. So many times the people that proclaimed love for all of God's people would make snide remarks about householders, or unbelieving family members. I hated to see someone disfellowshipped and often even if not close to them I would break down to tears at the announcement, as others wore smirking grins. I could honestly not see thelove of God in the organization. I attended several halls growing up and it was not more prevalent at one or the other, it was all the same, the difference was how fast they would show their true selves.
  Ok what tipped me out? I guess when I moved out of the state and started attending yet another KH, I realized I was surrounded by zombies in suits. The same syrupy lovey dovey but not real love was shown. It clicked that eventually I would seee the true sides of these peopleas well. I was staying with my "wordly" family at the time. They attended a church and for the first time I saw how people that display Christ's love reallyact. In my heart I could not see how God would destroy them, and then started questioning the society. First I made a list of all the things JW believe that other religions don't. I went to the local library and spent about 2 weeks looking up research books that were not written by the society. I then knew in my heart that God does exist and his love is nothing protrayed by the Jw faith.
  Englishman, yet again another wonderful topic, thanks
  wendy
• 

  larc

  Hi folks,

  Of all the subjects I have read here, this is one of the finest. Thank you Englishman for getting it started. I also thank the rest of you for your heart felt narratives.

  The beginning of the end came for me in my late teens. A JW friend of mine told me about the Pyramid teaching. I didn't think it was possible, so I went to used book stores, got the old books and read them. What an eye opener! Before that I was a true believer with no doubts whatsoever. After that, I went through several stages: believer with some doubts, believer with major doubts, unbeliever that wished I could go back with feelings of nostalgia, and finaly, total dislief with no going back. A major turning point for me happened when I was engaged to my wife. At that point I was at the believer with major doubts stage. My soon to be wife was a true believer from all outward appearances. One day, with much fear, I told her I had doubts. Now, if she would have been a true believer, that would have been the end of our relationship. I knew that, but I couldn't be dishonest with her. There was a long pause after I made my admission to her. Then she said, "I have doubts also." We got married at the kingdom hall and then we slowly faded away. I have been very fortunate to have her by my side all these years. We were all alone for a long time. There no books to read to confirm our thinking, and obviously there was no internet to share ideas as we can do now. It is good to have all the support that is available now.
• 

  doubtingsister

  Thanks for showing support. I really need it right now. It's such a relief to finally realize I wasn't the only one feeling the way I did and do feel now.

  I'll tell you another thing that should have opened my eyes. When my brother was missing for a week and then found dead, not one day or moment did any of my parent's witness friends offer support. But, all of their "worldly" friends and family and even some of my workmates brought food, sat with my mother to comfort her and offered money and their time. Even some friends that they ignored due to their not being witnesses, they came out of the woodwork and showed their love and support when it was most needed. Not the witnesses. And after he was found, one couple from the hall showed up and I remembered that because they are one of the few that never seemed judgemental of people and always seemed very loving. But the others at my hall gossiped and said that "well, he was drinking and hit a tree, that's just what happens when you are worldly. They should have all been regular at the meetings and given him a better role model".

  Story wasn't quite like that though, if they had known or cared. Sure he had two beers in his system, but he also had worked a 10 hour shift as an ironworker that day and was on his way up to go hunting for an early start the next day. He simply fell asleep at the wheel due to the dark roads up north and just enough food and beer from a local restaurant to make him tired. As much as I felt let down by the witnesses I still believed that if I ever wanted to see him again I'd have to be faithful to God's organization. I'm ashamed to say I believed that now.

  There are other instances, more recent that have made me realize they are phoney. I get tired of all the reminders at the hall that we "have so much love" amongst ourselves. Yeah? Why do we need to be constantly reminded then?

  Thanks for letting me get that off my chest.