Surefire Ways To Know You're A Woman...

by WildTurkey 34 Replies latest social humour

  • WildTurkey
    WildTurkey

    You are a Bitch.

    When asked 'Is something bothering you?' reply 'no' then get pissed off when you are believed.

    Become attracted to someone because he is outgoing and loves parties, start dating him, and immediately expect him to stop this behavior..

    Always take an hour longer than promised to prepare for the evening.

    Always hide very important events in very unimportant terms so you can have something to be pissed about when your boyfriend declines because he has pressing business, i.e. You say 'It's no big deal, but I was wondering if you would like to visit my parents with me if you are not busy this weekend.' when you mean 'It means a great deal to me for you to see my family with me this weekend whether or not it is possible!'

    Whine

    If you are trying to sleep, it's because you're exhausted from your almost superhuman level of daily achievement; if he is trying to sleep it's because he is lazy.

    No matter what the activity, he doesn't do it as well as a past boyfriend.

    If he pays attention to you, he is smothering you.

    If he gives you space, he is ignoring you.

    Complain

    Hate any bar he likes

    Demand to be treated as an equal in everything - except when paying for meals, airplane tickets, concerts, beers, clothes, etc. - these are required gifts proving his love.

    Declare PMS at any given time. If he is knowledgeable about your cycle, tell him you're irregular from all the stress of your life.

    Remember that ANY woman who so much as stares at your boyfriend must be labeled a WHORE and your network of friends must be informed immediately to spread this as quick as possible.

    Make his life miserable by making him feel guilty about doing anything other than catering to your needs.

    Break into tears for no apparent reason.

    Ask for help in some endeavor then become livid when it is given.

    Insinuate yourself into your boyfriend's group of friends, break up with him, then make sure you are present at every gathering for the next month just to rub it in.

  • Simon
    Simon

    Ooo - you're gonna' be for it when the all read this!

    I'm getting out of the way while they sharpen their tallons

  • WildTurkey
    WildTurkey

    Hey Simon, I thought you had my back. You think, I have time to edit?

  • jaccilynn
    jaccilynn

    time is up willdturkey, and i will be the first to say that i am shocked and offended!!!

    actually, i know a few women like that. and even more women who display a few of those traits.

    no need to edit, i think it's funny....

    except the hate any bar he likes one... any bar is good enough.

  • Hmmm
    Hmmm

    Methinks WildTurkey recently forgot an important anniversary, and LyinEyes gave him the what for.

  • MissyMoesGhost
    MissyMoesGhost

    Well... guess I am not a woman then...

    Because:

    A. I am NOT a bitch

    B. I do not whine

    C. I do not complain

    So your theory on women is wrong.

    MOE

  • Solace
    Solace

    HAHAHAHAHA, I love it!

    You've got mighty big ones Turkey!

    Bitch?

    Well this thread could probably put some in a mood thats for sure.

    I posted a "men are like" thread that was also intended as a joke and the sh*t hit the fan cuz some of the fella's got offended.

  • Simon
    Simon

    No, too late to edit now ... the word is out.

    Best you can do is keep your hands in front of you protecting 'steve and the twins' and beg for mercy.

    Me? Didn't you know? I'm a coward ...

  • Dutchie
    Dutchie

    Wild Turkey, are you married or do you live with a significant other? If you do, then I hope that she reads this thread. I am going to go on the assumption that you posted this in humor and so will not be offended. Actually, its pretty darn funny!

  • LyinEyes
    LyinEyes

    Gawd Wild Turkey ,,, you got me pegged!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    This was funny. Funny because so much of it is true. I am woman hear me roar.... but hey I have the option to do all of the above, and you will still love me. You guys dont have the privledge to act out in such ways,,, it simply is not allowed,, so dont try it. You are no good at it , it will not work for you the way it works for us. It has taken me years to get my bitchdom down just right.

    LyinEyes active member of the PTBB Society!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Note: PTBB stands for Proud To Be a Bitch

    Exclusive club for women... although we are considering allowing some men who also are proud to be bitches!!!!!! I happen to know of one........... hummm who could it be?

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