by Perfection Seeker 27 Replies latest jw experiences
Tink --
There is life after the borg. Everyone's jouney is different, but all can relate in many ways, can't we. We know that we can come here and vent our feelings and know that the person reading on the other side, understand exactly what we're going through.
Well said.
Kisses,
Moe
Not to be sarcastic (HEE HEE) but is there Ex Lutheran or Ex Babtist websites? Does ANY other organization mess people up this badly? So badly that you'd rather commit suicide than live & deal with it? The mental & emotional CONSTANT guilt? When I would go to the hall, I would feel UNWORTHY, and so much to work on. When I go to church now- I see I am the best that I can be- and that Is ALL I can do. Not the same standard for everyone- each person is capable of only so much. I think it is sad when you are born into the religion or raised in it. Then, if you try to please your parents & get babtized, there is NO way out- unless getting disfellowshipped, and losing your ENTIRE family. Most families are happy if their children serve god- they don't care which house or building it is in. The whole thing is so sad.
Perfection Seeker, we do understand exactly what you're going through! (hugs) Oh, and welcome!
Well, Hi Melissa :) If you are still reading the replies that is ;)
I don't get on this board as much as I'd like anymore but wanted to welcome you and say hello
Life does get better but it's not easy.
For me it helped to remember that the point isn't whether I love my family or not, the point is do I love God enough to leave the lies even if my family didn't agree with me.
My family is still Jws too- although not nearly as many as yours :( :) My aunt who was always very close to me and all her children (4in all). I won't bore you with the long version but suffice it to say things aren't the same. In a nut shell, I joined at age 14 with my family, mucho drama insert here ;), and met some great friends. Through God, my new friends and my desire to know why I believed what I did I read the Bible for myself and ultimately left the wt at age 15/16. I am now a christian and my life is great- happily married, mommy of 1, great church etc.... My family even speaks to me a little now, lol. I totally relate to your story and if you want to talk more email me or something and it's nice to 'meet' you God bless, <>< Angie
Hi Melissa. What makes it so difficult to simply discard family is that they are our 'own flesh and blood', we share a physical (and through life together as a family) an emotional connection that cannot easily be denied, even after we set up our own household. We can spend a long, long time apart from our parents, but that does not necessarily erradicate our affections for them. Your husband, of course, is not bonded by blood to your family, so it is much easier for him to live without them. I, like Lisa, am currently as to how God actually fits into the scheme of things. I have not abandoned my belief in Him, nor in my admiration for the person of Jesus Christ as depicted in the Bible.
I still think that the revolutionary teachings of Christ are as relevant today as ever. I am not drawn to organised religion for obvious reasons and certainly not 'Christendom' as I have engaged in much independent study of the origins, growth and actions of the Church, that I would trust it no more than the WTS. My current stance is that I am happy to experience a God-aware life where He deals with me directly, and not through association with some religious group. Simplifying my spiritual outlook makes it easier to demonstrate patience and love; something that was difficult to do with the 'letter of the law' JW approach.
As far as the robbed years of my life are concerned (most of my childhood and adult life), I do not worry about what little of life is left, as I don't believe that a physical death is the end of a person's existence (whether by some future resurrection, or otherwise), and I certainly don't believe that God has any use for a place of literal eternal torment! This view has helped me to find some peace of mind and helps to counteract the residue of bitterness still left when contemplating how association with the WTS has damaged one's life. I finally can live for TODAY. Oh, and I place a very high value on humour because of its emotional benefits. I make sure I get a regular dose - BTW my favourite U.S. sitcom is 'Becker'.
((((((((((Melissa))))))))))
Melissa,
I commend you for all the positive that you have accomplished. Your situation is different than mine was. But, within my own family, my sisters each took their turns with being out and in, as did I. My mother is still total borg, but aside from her, I have no problems with anyone else in my family. I have one other aunt who is a loyal JW. But that is it--everyone else is "normal". ~smile~
When I was preparing to leave, which was a long ten year process, I reacquainted myself with friends from school and relatives who were not JW's. I did not have a desire to involve myself with any other religion at the time.
For nearly 20 more years I lived life in sort of a fog. I really didn't know what to believe, so I stayed away from churchs, bibles, and bible literature. Everytime a nagging thought would jump into my mind, like dying at Armegeddon, I forced it down. I had issues of rejection and abandonment going on with both my parents. My father eventually did get baptized to please my mom, but it didn't last long. It rather upset me that in his obituary, they listed that he was a member of such and such congregation. I cringed!
The most important thing that I did for myself, was to face the JW doctrine, tear it down and apart and wash it totally away. I had to do this once and for all, even though I knew they were a sick group, I hadn't really faced the doctrinal issues head on again. It only took one statement from hubby to set me rolling. He suggested that perhaps we both should check out the local KH--that maybe I just needed to go to a different congregation and see things from a different prospective. YIKES! He never even heard of JW's until he met me. Life with me and my family and our JW history was all he'd ever heard. I knew then, that all of this was affecting things in my own marriage. I had to get myself together.
I already had many questions, and felt their treatment of members bordered on sadism. But, having been a borg, and never really taking a look deep inside myself kept me in a place that was emotionally dark, dreary, unfulfilled and unhappy. That's not much of a life. To face it head on was very scarry.
So I gathered up all my best intentions, and re-read Raymond Franz book, "Crisis of Conscience", another book called "The Orwellian World of JW's", and another book about a woman's escape after years in the borg. It was extremely painful to "feel" all these old feelings, and to bring them up and take a realistic look at everything.
It was a part of my journey for self discovery and understanding. I began to read the Bible, slowly and surely, and without the repititious teachings of JW's that had been inbedded in my mind for so long. Every time something would go "ping" and a JW dictate loomed at me, I would shut the Bible and wait. I pleaded with the creator(s) to allow me to re-teach myself. It is possible. I am still reading the Bible, but with a whole different slant. I'm reading it like a history book, and keeping in mind that history has a way of getting messed up in transistion. I began also to ready about the Dead Sea Scrolls and other literature that was hidden from us, or as JW's we were forbidden to even look at.
Then one day, I was released from all of it. It lifted up out of me, all the haunts of pain and torment and rejection and abandonment, the losses, the unhappiness, everything, just went. I let it go. That was a real turning point for me.
Melissa, it certainly is a very high mountain for you. Your family is just so imbedded inside the org, and this probably will not change. But you have so many resources at your fingertips and supportive friends who will help you. You will have to begin to replace your family one by one, by building a new family-oriented structure. It sounds odd, but because your family will reject you once they find out "who" you really are, you need to be building this new family each and every day.
In times of war, many families lost nearly everyone, and so, in a way, you too will lose your fleshly family. This is not your choice. You do not wish it to be this way, but because they are in a cult and you are not, you will not allow yourself to be molded into a JW borg again.
Seek counseling if you need it. I highly recommend someone who specializes in cults. Keep active and busy in this world. You are important, you are loved, and you are a worthwhile human being. Make a beautiful, wonderful life for yourself, and never stop growing. Some things just take time.
I wish you all the best in your endeavors. We are all on the forum to lend an ear and a heart.
Take care of yourself.
Love and LIght
Karen/Sentinel
Sentinal- thank you for that heart felt letter. It really does help each time I read or hear of someone elses story. I have torn about the religious aspects of the Witnesses, read the crisis of conscience- what an eye opener! I am really ok leaving the doctrines behind, but leaving the whole family is where I am at right now. BUT, my husband & I NEED to work on OUR lives, not mold for everyone else. I think it will be hard, but doable. I do feel sorry for my family- they are so wrapped up- they have no idea! I told my mom she is brainwashed- she said "Then I must need brainwashed" They just don't see it. But, the part I am sad about- I think I can live without my family, sad, but I can do it- but the guilt they lay on you about EACH ONE OF THEM living without me, and the mental anguish they put on you- like its all about them! Never been very selfish- but now I have to be. The ONLY thing that bothers me- is people writing in here after 10, 20 years of leaving, and they are STILL messed up. I wish I could hypnotize myself or bump my head & forget it all! People who have NOT been a witness just can't understand. I just think it is so sad. Thanks for your story. God bless!
The best decision I've ever made in my life was to walk away from the JUU's. I've never regretted it and have had a wonderful life, nine thousand times better than living under the guilt-ridden heavy hand of the Watchtower and its minions.
Life is what you make of it, in or out. It's your choice to allow your family to put the guilt trip on you. Your decision to let it affect you or you can rise above it. I hope you chose the latter.
As to finding a replacement religion for the UU's, take some time off and get a grasp on reality, then approach it with a new prespective. You've got too many things going on to make a decision about matters as important as your religious beliefs...
carmel
