HI!
Can anyone give me information on exit couseling or deprogramming or anything to help me!?!?
Is there life AFTER leaving?!!??!
by Perfection Seeker 27 Replies latest jw experiences
-
Perfection Seeker
-
Double Edge
I just wonder if late at night, in the middle of a storm, you ever doubt yourself- wonder if you are the wrong one? I am pretty firm in my new found beliefs, but every once in awhile- MUCH fewer & far between than before wonder....but it passes. I just wonder how long it takes to totally deprogram yourself, and if anyone actually ever had deprogramming
One more thing....in the past few months I've read a few postings that deal with this.....so, just 'cruise' over the past 30 or so pages from past postings and click on to something that piques your interest. I remember someone always asking themselves "what if the JW's are right"? They answered it, after awhile..."well, what if other religions are right?" There are people on this board who believe in God, others who don't, and others who are just trying to figure it out. My 2 cents, is I believe in God...one with a strong sense of purpose... I believe He wants you to be happy, not in constant turmoil and feeling guilty, especially about Him. He's on your side.
-
bad_associashun
perfection- i can completely relate to your statements made... wishing a healthy, happy & quick recovery to you
freepeace- thanks for the article! anger, guilt, on-going recording- it all fits perfectly with the org. escape experience- I saved it for future reads- good writing!
-
gold_morning
Hi Melissa,
Yes, your story sounds very much like mine. Years ago I too was disfellowshiped. Unlike you, did not find God for many years. 16 to be exact. About 4 years ago I became born again and was cured of the watchtower guilt!! It was wonderful.
My mother and family have shunned me and still do. I heard all the things from them that they say to you. My mother actually called me the whore of the devil and would have violent temper tantrums because of me. My father died also and it was a painful experience. I likewise was in the organization from the time I was 5 years old. I knew nothing else and did believe it was the truth. Our family background of Jw beliefs goes way back to my grandmother when Russel was around.
I am so happy that you found Jesus and now worship again. As far as the hurt, the only thing that helps that is empathy for them. The same empathy that Christ taught. He was never angry or bitter towards those that did not understand the REAL TRUTH. He had pity for the crowds and even on his death bed he ask God to forgive them as he really understood that they did not know what they were doing.
Look at them in different light. They are what you were!! Who can better understand how entraped they are but you yourself. Have pity and love for them. Pray for them. In a yahoo group called exjehovahswitness there are many there that have won their family memebers over with love. Check out the group. I think you will like it. There is much support and understanding there.
Love conquers all and is all. God is love. Jesus taught with the perfect form of love. Our only two commands was to love God with our whole heart and to love others in the same manner that Chirst loved us.
Sometimes we confuse hurt with guilt. Have you really gotton over the guilt thing? If not, pray about it and read the bible often......especially the book of John. It is my favorite. The more personal we get with Jesus, the clearer things become. Ask him to give you peace on this and He will grant it to you. And, remember, most of all...continue to love them.....they are so lost.
much agape love gold morning.........e-mail me if you like and need support ([email protected])
-
joannadandy
My father recently died-and now everyone gives me the whole guilt & BS about never seeing him again since I don't go to meetings.
My family uses this on me. I have a sister who passed away before I was even born. My whole life I was told I had another sister who I would meet in the paradise. It's a beautiful thought really. But when I decided to leave, my father broke into tears (my oldest sister had already left) and said that he didn't want to have to tell Jennifer (the sister who passed away) that her two sisters didn't make it to the paradise because she would be so sad. TALK ABOUT GUILT!!
I think the life after the borg really depends on you and your family. There are a million stories on this board alone, and while tones of it may be similar, each is a unique story, and you can't know. I struggled for 5 years to try and figure out if I should leave, if I shouldn't. The stress was literally eating me alive. I took a big breath, and decided what was right for me. I was prepared for the worst, I was quite convinced my parents would throw me out of the house and never speak to me again. I'm not going to lie, it was the most difficult conversation I ever had with my parents. Many hours and many tears later we all felt better somehow, that all the things we had never talked about had come out. I was extremely lucky. My parents respected my decision and still support me while I attend college. It could have gone in a completely different direction tho. You just don't know.
Is everything in my life sunshine and roses? Hell no. I still get guilt trips, I still get into fights and tearful arguements, but that's life. Is there EVER a happy ending, about ANYTHING? It really is up to you, and what you think you can handle. For me the stress I felt in the organization, and guilt about not being good enough EVAPORATED when I left. That relief is worth the sarcastic comments my mother sometimes makes. But that's MY situation. My life did get better after I left. I can only hope that yours would to.
My point is, this is your choice! Only you can know what your life will be like outside. Only you can choose what is right for you, and if you are strong enough to deal with whatever comes your way. If your family is fair minded eventually (I would hope) they will come around and be able to accept your decision.
-
one
melissa,
Not just life, but BETTER LIFE.
What books have you read?
What you are missing is the family/social. Nothing wrong. To endure you need to be independent, emotioanally strong. Walk with the hope and assurance that you will sort everthing some how. During the mean time think as if you lost your family in a accident. If true what would you do? (NOT KILL YOURSELF, RIGHT? you are not responsible) DO IT.
Read, Read, Read before making a final decision or course of action.
-
dannyboy
Melissa-
Yes, for sure there's a life after leaving. For me, it has been difficult, but things are getting better.
Early on, I read about the benefit of keeping a record of my thoughts and feelings, so I got a journal and made entries when I felt like it. Sometimes I'd record things every day for a week, then nothing for a couple of months. I tried hard to be candid with what I wrote. Now, when I get that journal out and read how I was feeling, it reminds me of how far I've come. My early entries clearly show I was not at all sure of what I was doing (ie the leaving), and I can see the doubts and guilt, guilt, guilt, and more guilt. So, for what it's worth, I recommend keeping a private journal, for two benefits: First, just putting into words feelings can be theraputic, and secondly, looking back on these days from some future point will remind you of how much progress you've made.
I also agree with others that talking with a counselor/professional is very helpful, too.
It's only been less than three years for me, and I still struggle with the guilt, and have to make effort to keep changing my thinking. Today, I'm happier than I've ever been, but look forward to growing still.
Hang in there. It will get better. You may feel like you've done the wrong thing more than once, and seeing former Witness friends will feel strange for a long time. But that, too, will pass.
Best wishes,
---Dan
-
MrMoe
After all the glass breaks away and you pick up all of the little pieces, a wonderful beautiful world is opened to you. Breathe the freedom in and enjoy the ride. To quote a very old cliche, today is the first day of the rest of your life.
Amanda
Edited by - MrMoe on 25 June 2002 11:41:10
-
Perfection Seeker
I have so many tears flowing now from the last few posts- I can't thank you enough! Isn't it sad that it takes years of RECOVERY to break free? All because of a choice to get babtized. What other religion would SHUN you for worshipping god in another building? I truly never even knew god at the Kingdom Hall- it was all about being perfect. (My perfection seeker is just a joke on the witnesses- screw perfection!) Being perfect, saying & doing the right thing, NOT GETTING CAUGHT FOR THE BAD, worshipping an ORGANIZATION, not a god, etc. It is so sad that it takes years of recovery. I think I am over the guilt of leaving the organization, I can handle that- leaving behind my ENTIRE family is the hard part. (Just posted on the deprogramming post about this) I can't believe I was so suicidal, yet stayed for my family- part of me died in 95- and I knew I had to let myself live, or I would die all the way. I think they would have rathered that. BUT, I do remember being in enough to worry about people like me, so I can't blame them too much. Sad. The whole thing is so sad.
-
Tinkerbell4125
I'm 42.... My parents are dead. Father completed suicide *96* and mother breast cancer *99*. Four out of eleven children or j.w.'s. There's no way for me to explain in a few words what it's like to go through all the things that has happened since then, but Iong story short, I d'f'ed myself in 1999. I couldn't handle the way the org. handled me personally in a situation. It was tough losing my mom, knowing that she feared not ever seeing me again. She told me, right before she died, that the only fear she had in life, was not seeing all her children in the new order. Needless to say, I felt like total shit after that. My dad was wild and crazy.......and also mean. It will be seven years since his suicide and with a lot of study, I realize his mental condition. I understand a lot of things a lot better now.
Over the years I've been through the same situation's that I hear here. After wearing myself totally out, trying to interact with the j.w.'s, I just can't do it anymore. I love my j.w. siblins, but I've giving up hope on ever trying to change them.
My husband left the org. when I did, so that was good. Now I only associate with my siblins that I have a healthy relationship with, weather it's j.w. or not. If it's a toxic relationship, I'm gone. Simple as that. I'm at a point now, where, I feel that I'm more than half way through my life. I'm not gonna spend the rest of it in turmoil.
I have this moment, in time, right now, I'm not real sure about the future. I do know that I have a good heart and I'm trying to live right. I remember when I was six years old, studying with this couple with the rest of my family. I remember sitting with the sister and she was helping me count down to the year 1975 on my fingers. I remember saying, *In seven more years ARMEGEDDEN IS COM'IN!!!*. I gave the borg. a lot of years of my life. I feel I've paided a big price for being raised in this cult. Growing up, my dad bitterly opposed mom and the org. There was never any sense of calm in my home, only fear and frustration for me. We were beat by our dad and mom stood by and watched. I could go on, but I wont.
Now I have my little life with alittle bit of piece. I want to keep it that way. I can see me and my j.w. siblin's slowing drifting apart. There will be a time when there will be no reason at all for us to interact. I may see them at the next family funeral. I feel they have to live their life. I have to live mine. We are civil towards each other. I'm slowly learning that there are going to be things in life that we have no control over. I'm learning to take it one day at a time.
There is life after the borg. Everyone's jouney is different, but all can relate in many ways, can't we. We know that we can come here and vent our feelings and know that the person reading on the other side, understand exactly what we're going through.
I think Mr. Moe put it so well in her post! I loved that!!!!!!!!!!!!
Peace to you all!
Tink =;o)