HI! I am new on here- already posted one thing about life after leaving- got great responses. As you can see by my name "Perfection Seeker" I was a witness. I am now leaving, and NOT a PERFECTION SEEKER :-) Does anyone have information on exit counseling or deprogramming? I thought I could make it on my own, but now think I might need a little help.
Deprogramming
by Perfection Seeker 18 Replies latest jw experiences
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AceFace
Could you e-mail me so we could talk? I have some questions that I am REALLY interested in finding out the answer to, and you could probably help me A LOT! [email protected] thank you! -Justin
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Perfection Seeker
HI Justin- Just emailed you- but also- feel free to write in here- lots of helpful people on this website! :-)
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Lady Lee
Try these sites
or just ask what you want to know. Most of us have been through it
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SpiderMonkey
Seeker, you've made the most important step already, I think: Making contact with others who have left! It was 7 or 8 years after I left the borg, just last month or so, that I found this site. I always wanted to distance myself from that past before, never sought out anything like this til now. And all of a sudden a great weight has lifted off my shoulders. If I'd found this site, or something like it, immediately after I'd left, I'd be a completely different person today. I spent those years shuddering every time I read "peace & security," or some variation of it, in the newspaper... Feeling a bit creepy when I read about other religions or spiritual practices. Expecting demons to jump me. And so on! Now, I feel the deprogramming process is easiest when you've got others like you to listen to & talk to. I made lots of progress during those 7 or 8 years, on my own, but as I feel better & better over this past month, I sure as hell wish I'd gotten here sooner
Keep reading, questioning & commenting! You're doing exactly what you need to do, IMO.
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dottie
I think that making contact with others in the same situation is important. I remember when I left I elt alone, and especially in a small town, my only option I felt was to leave altogether. So now I'm on the opposite side of the country than my family. In the last couple years, I've found that even just reading stories on other websites, and I'm also new to this website, (which I think is fab, and a great place to vent) I've found quite a bit of "therapy" right in these pages. It's hard at first, but I imagine you already feel like that huge weight on your shoulders has been lifted off. I remember what that felt like, and that's the feeling of freedom baby, yeah!!!
The hardest thing for myself was coming to terms that this so-called truth is just another religion. When I came to that realization, it was very emotional. And you'll have emotional times too. Just remember that you're not alone, and you have the support of 1000's of other exjw's in this site as well as the 100's of other sites out there,(as well as in person too!!!)
Take care, and vent away when need be!!
Dottie
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gold_morning
Hi,
I posted a reply to another post you sent out. I hope you read it. please e-mail me at
[email protected]. I understand and have been where you are now. There is hope. I am proof of that.
You are loved very much by God. They put lies into your head that just are not true.
Please also consider looking into the yahoo group....christianexjehovahswitnesses. there is much love, support and understanding there.
Hope to hear from you..... much agape love gold_morning
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JanH
I am very skeptical to the term "deprogramming", as it has been associated with ethically very dodgy practices by various anti-cultists. It has not been unusual that members of "cults" have been kidnapped and forcibly subjected to what is perceived to be a form of reverse (?) brainwashing. All this builds on the mistaken idea that real brainwashing was ever possible. Exit-counseling is a milder and more ethically acceptable form, essentially a form of reverse conversion process. Both these terms refer to people who are still inside the unpopular religious/social group, and do not seem to be relevant in your case.
Once a person has made (through coercion or whatever) the decision to leave a sect, the real work begins. It is in my opinion essential to do some homework to get totally convinced about the nature of sects like the JWs. Many exJWs who left involuntarily do great damage to themselves by harbouring guilt because they violated secterian rules. Hard facts about the nature of the sect goes a long way in helping exJWs leave their former life behind.
What exJWs mostly need is resocialization into the normal world. Those who grew up in the sect, or converted very young, will often find themselves with a very limited social network. Building a social network from scratch is a big and time-consuming challenge, and a support group of other former JWs can be essential in the earliest part of this process. This is probably the main reason this and other exJW message boards are more social in content than about doctrines and religious practices.
Then, it is important to let go. My experience is that exJWs who constantly reiterate the wrongs committed against them by the organization or individual JWs have a very hard time recovering. In cases of serious abuse, this is of course easier said than done. Even in the cases where you only experienced the "normal" traumas association with shunning from former friends, it can be difficult. Professional help may be required in many cases. I personally have more faith in mainstream psychiatrists/psychologers than specialized "ex-cult counseling," but certainly this is a personal decision, and very dependent on where you live.
Many exJWs go through a phase where every ill in their lives are blamed on the organization. It is important to differentiate between problems caused by especially a dysfunctional familiy situation and what can directly be attributed to the sect. Naturally, if you grow up in a dysfunctional family, also being part of a dysfunctional sect is everything but helpful. Yet, I think it is important to realize that there are ills in this world far worse than the Watchtower Society.
Finally, it is important to get into the real world. You may need new friends. getting active is important. Consider education, work, sports, exercise, clubs, etc, whatever you are interested in. Remember you no longer should limit your social contact with "worldly" people. You are now one of them. Also, what do you want to do with your new life? Leaving the JWs can be the best thing that ever happened in your life.
- Jan
Edited by - JanH on 25 June 2002 11:5:16
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whattheheck
This is my first post here but i've been out of the cult for about 6 years now (wow-and it still haunts me like it was yesterday sometimes) I had to totally erase the board and start from scratch, starting with do I really believe there is a God and why. After I got over the "i'm a goner at Armegeddon" thinking, i was able to open my mind more to the reality of this life. I by no means have all the answers but feel that one of the most important things we can do as people is to help others through this arduous journey on earth. no judgements, backbiting, outcasting, expecting people to live within our molds etc. just looking for opportunities to assist others in whatever way needed. as far as religion goes, i cringe at the thought of organized churches. so i guess i try not to sweat the details and make friends with other kind souls. this is the first time i have been able to feel that my appreciation and respect to God was motivated by what he has done for us and not whether I will be "in the paradise" or not.
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Perfection Seeker
HI! Thank you all so much for writing! I guess what bothers me most- is hearing people who say they left 7-8 years ago- and yet are still on this website. I mean, it is a great website- and a great start to mental & emotional freedom- but I had hoped in 7-8 years I would be fine, and forget about all that past crap, and not "NEED" websites like this to vent. Do you ever really break free mentally? I have been distancing myself for several years, and truthfully, if it weren''t for my family- I'd have left long ago & NEVER looked back. BUT, when your ENTIRE family, not one family member NOT a witness, it is hard to just walk away. There is all the emotional & mental guilt- and anquish over leaving your family. The cult, the organization, the SO CALLED true religion- I am past all that- have a great relationship with God- better than the 20 some years as a witness. Its the guilt from ALL the family, and the lost years. I am very "worldy" wise so to speak, have great support group, great friends- it's not lack of friends, or social retardation, which I think the witnesses WANT you to have- it is the family left behind- mother, grandparents, brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles, nieces, nephews, I mean my WHOLE ENTIRE family, other than my married into family is witnesses. That is ALOT to leave behind. I have been in therapy, not specifically about the witness thing, but about emotions, feelings, etc- the therapist says to let go- feel good about where I am, etc- but an ENTIRE family wiped out, yet still only 15 minutes away- that is hard to deal with. The rest I have a grip on.