Six months ago, on December 25th 2001 I discovered the existance of an XJW community and that I was not alone in this universe.
I began to experience life for the first time. I had been alive for 29 and a half years then but never experienced the love, joy or peace that life has to offer.
For the first time, I felt I was understood. Someone else knew what it was like to be me. Someone else felt the pain. Someone else...many more..lived in the dark, deep hole that I called home.
I realized that people, human beings, were not all the same as those who were a part of my life to that point. Most people are good, kind, caring, and unselfish. I learned what unconditional love is and what it isnt. What friendship is and what it isnt. What family is and what it isnt.
Six months ago today, I learned also that there truly is evil in the world. There are many evils but I discovered a new one when I learned the truth about the Governing Body of Jehovahs Witnesses.
The Governing Body of Jehovahs Witnesses controls the hearts, minds and spirits of millions of people around the world. They also control the hearts and minds and spirit of thousands if not more who are no longer members. They tear families apart in the name of God. They command that members turn their backs on people who need physical, emotional or mental help in the name of God. They protect child molesters and subject victims of it to further emotional pain in the name of God. The Governing Body of JW's (past and present members) are, in my opinion, one of the greatests forms of evil in history.
Six months ago today, I learned that I am a person...an individual, with my own valid thoughts and feelings and opinions. I learned that I can think for myself and not listen to a so called 'bible trained conscience' which causes me to change my thoughts and opinions out of fear of retribution from an imaginary creature that watches my every move and listens to my every thought.
I learned that I can get dressed in the morning and wear clothes that I picked out because I like them, that I can wear my hair the way that I like it, that I can spend my free time the way that I choose, that I can make friends with people that I like. I can choose the career that I want, I can buy the car that I want, I can be as educated as I want. I can play sports if I want or watch sports if I want and cheer for a team as loudly and intensely as I want. I can paint my face green and go to the stadium in full team gear and be a 'FAN' if I want. The rules and regulations that controlled my every move and thought are based on fraudity and I am no longer bound by them.
Six months ago today, I discovered how it must feel to be freed from slavery. The blindfold removed, the chains released, the earplugs pulled out and fresh air blowing in my face. I discovered what it meant to breath. To be released from bondage and walk around freely without a thousand tons of weight on my shoulders. To feel as soft and light as a feather.
Six months ago today, I began to sleep. I began to dream. I began to wake up looking forward to the day ahead.
Six months ago today, I started towards becoming the person I want to be. I've 'stripped off the old borglike personality and started to create my own. And it is an amazing metamorphasis.
Six months ago today, I truly left the JW cult. Its been a rocky up and down journey I cant lie but thanks to this community and others I have tasted life for the first time and it is good.
I cannot express my gratitude towards those who contributed to my recovery in words. I honestly believe that had I not found the truth, the community, the understanding that I found here and elsewhere in the xjw community when I did, I would probably not be here today. I often swore to myself that after three failed suicide attempts my next would be my last. And then I discovered that life didnt have to be the way it was.
Thanks to those who took a personal interest in me...I'm forever grateful.
Thanks to those here who may not even know who I am or that they have helped me but who post and contribute to the community and bring out points that I and others can relate to and need to hear.
Thanks to the JW's who come here to contribute, disagree or even argue.
Thanks to those here who have never been JW's but contribute their thoughts and opinions.
Thanks to those at the forefront of the child molestation cause who worked so hard to get the dateline show aired. I'm still in awe of the accomplishment.
Thanks to Simon and Angaharad for running the show here.
Theres too many personal thanks to make a whole list and surely I would forget someone so just a general thanks to all that I have become personal friends with over the past 6 months.
I havent been reading or writing posts as much anymore but that is because I have actually been LIVING for the first time. I'll probably never get over my expereince being brought up as a JW but I will be ok and will be happy and will see my son enjoy his life as I enjoy the rest of mine.
I dont know the answers to the questions regarding the existance or nonexistance of a creator nor do I care. I think if there is one and he/she/it wants something from me he or she or it can ask me. I may be wrong but I am not at this time willing to explore religion in any way, shape or form. I believe one of the only true statements a GB member has ever made is that "Religion is a snare and a racket".
I will be around in the chat room mostly and look forward to meeting new ones and attending apostofests throughout the country.
Wishing the best to all those who live and suffer with JW spouses and families. Wishing strength to those who are shunned. Wishing peace to those who are abused in any way.
Wishing love to all.
flower
Edited by - flower on 25 June 2002 16:27:28