by StinkyPantz 42 Replies latest social relationships
This kinda goes out to Dazed, but anyone's opinion is welcome.
What if a spouse messes up? They do some inappropriate stuff with a friend. No sex, but the other spouse is hurt nonetheless. Should they be "allowed" to have friends of the opposite sex again?
"allowed"??
Well I would say they should never expect to be trusted again, ever.
LB-
I could not think of another word other than "allowed" that was strong enough. But if you choose to forgive this person, shouldn't you also try to forget and trust them to not do it again, if not, why stay with them?
I am sure you should try to forgive but human nature usually prevents that. Or maybe it's forgiven but not forgotten. A good friend of mine cheated on his wife, got caught, got forgiven. 5 years later they divorced only because of the mistrust. He no longer cheated on her but she couldn't let it go. If he came over to my house she would call to check up on him. Always something like that going on. I don't think her actions are uncommon either.
I think if someone is going to have an affair, they are going to have an affair regardless of who their friends are.
My friend Alberto and I have never even come close to having sex. We've been friends since 98. I consider him one of my best friends.
I actually get along better with men as friends. You don't have to worry about them trying to sleep with your man.
LB, I've been in the same situation as your friend. I tried to stay with the man, but once trust is gone there is nothing left.
and if they end up friends it's purely by accident. What do you think?
I think I must have a lot of accidents. Most of my closest friends, some I have known for more then 20 years, are men. No sex, just good communication. And we remained friends over the years. I can't say that about very many women friends I've had. Only a couple.
I understand that Lilacs. Hard to trust anyone after being betrayed.
Female- married here :-) I think it is easier for a woman to be friends with a man- not in a sexual way- than it is for a man. Sure, you have your rare guy that just wants to be friends, but for the most part- when you become deep- they want to get deep- lol- sorry :-) I guess the rule of thumb- what would you want your mate to do? Would the women want their husbands having a best friend thats a woman- or vice versa? I like having opposite sex friends- keeps me in tune with hubby, and I like him keeping in tune with me- via female friends- as long as all pants stay zipped :-)
Since I can remember, the majority of my friends have been male. When you consider that I was pretty much a tomboy growing up, that makes sense. I've never had any interest in the make-up, clothes, shoes, shopping, guy-talk/bashing that the majority (not all) females are interested in. So, in high school I hung out with the guys in art, on the wrestling team, and all the neighborhood guys. Just how it worked out. Now, I have two close female friends and that's it. Generally, women are too competitive and hanging out with the guys has always been a nice relief. Being an overly horny and openminded about the issue, I tend to talk about sex, or anything remotely close to the topic. I have a feeling the guys don't mind that, lol.
What's interesting is I brought this topic up a couple years ago and inquired among all my male friends. Some of them said, yes, they have female friends, and while they wouldn't mind if they could get in their pants (including mine) they didn't pursue it. To them, if they wanted to go get laid they would've gone and gotten laid and not spent the time beforehand. Most said they preferred hanging out with me and my close girlfriend because we just bs'd around. We weren't into the "girlie girlie" stuff as most women or girlfriends were, and we actually talked, unlike their male buddies who spoke in few works and just cared about sports.
Now, that of course is just my experience, but like others have said, I think it's different with every situation and person. Both my partner and I are very open with regards to commenting on who we're attracted to, and he has no issues with me and my many male friends. I in return don't care that he talks with many females. Shoot, we all need someone to click with, and if it's of the opposite sex I don't see why it should be a problem. Then again, I have enough self-confidence to know that he can go out and spend some time or talk on the phone with the other women, but am assured he comes home to me. Of course, if either one of us were to slip down the road, I am quite sure our trust in each other would weaken and it would be a completely different story.
Alicia
