Male and Female Friends (page 3)

professor

StinkyPantz,

I couldn't help but notice that your husband's comment seems to be right out of the movie "When Harry Met Sally":

Harry:"A man can never be friends with a woman he finds attractive, he
always wants to have sex with her."
Sally:"That's not true! I have a number of men friends and there is no
sex involved."
Harry:"No, you don't"
Sally:"Yes, I do."
Harry:"No, you don't"
Sally:"You're saying I'm having sex with these men without my
knowledge?"
Harry:"No, I'm saying they all want to have sex with you."
Sally:"Well, what if they don't want to have sex with you?"
Harry:"It doesn't matter because the sex part is already out there, so
the friendship is ultimately doomed, and that is the end of the story."
Sally:"So a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive?"
Harry:"No, you pretty much want to nail them, too"

This is a generalization of men coming from a man. Of course, it is not true! Neither is it true that men think about sex every six seconds. Personally, I think about it every day, but obviously every person is different. Is your husband the jealous type? It seems so from this comment.

Princess

Everyone is different. My husband and I are good friends with another couple. The wife works on Fridays and he stays home with the kids. We frequently get together and take our kids to the park or a museum or something or just hang out at one of our houses. Neither of our spouses are threatened by this. Of course we have four kids with us all the time, not much threat there. Even if we didn't I don't think it would be a problem. If my husband had a problem with it, I wouldn't do it. Not a big deal. If he was unmarried with no children I think it would be a completely different story. I know my husband trusts me but it wouldn't be worth worrying him and I certainly wouldn't put myself in a position that could ruin my marriage. My husband/marriage comes first.

Rachel

Solace

The strange thing is,

I honestly believe my husband could get into more trouble hanging out with certain guy friends than most of his female friends. I guess the bottom line is, he is a grown man and I do not and would not want to control him. If someone was going to remain faithful to me, I would want him to do it out of his own free will and not because I did something absurd like forbid all female friendships, ya know?

SpiceItUp

female here...

I have more male friends than female friends. Have slept with none of them and only has sex come into the equation once. In that instance we talked and agreed that it would be in our best interest to leave things as friends. I find that I have more things in common with men (heh..I am a bit of a tomboy..lol) than women . Most women I feel are always on this competition thing with me that I find most annoying.

But you know I say I am friends with people...It matters not what sex they but if we have similar intereests and can sit back and chew on it for a while.

Granted I am single but this has always been the case even when I wasn't. I alawys warn any potential partner that I am a friendly person, have many male friends and love hugs and if they have a problem with that or jealousy then we shouldn't be together. It really is about communication. I would never cheat on any one I was involved with but I will have friends and enjoy their company.

However to each his own.

Spice of the ever-friendly class

imissthedub

I agree Heaven.

I have always had 95% male friends. Have been married since age 17. Never cheated on my husband, except once I had a cyber relationship...and I picked that man specifically for sex ahead of time.....long story. Alot of my in person male friends have been single. Alot have been good looking. Some have asked if I would be interested in sex. I tell them "Close your eyes, take a deep breath, a swig of that beer and then open your eyes. We will pretend you did not ask that, because I love your friendship and have no desire to turn it into something else." They stay my friend and respect my decision. They, after all, can find plenty of "takers".

I have never been interested in talking about kids or cooking or typical female stuff. I am feminine and look feminine.....do the glamour and make-up, etc but I enjoy discussing things going on, sex, jokes, card playing etc. So I have always gravitated to men.

My husbnad would never "forbid" me to have a friendship with, roughly, 50% of the population. If he cannot trust me more that that, we may as well split. He was devastated about the cyber thing, but also realized why I did it....and that I selected the person w/o forming friendship first. So, he is still ok with my friendships, be they male or female. And I would do the same for him and do. One thing we make sure of is we don't spend more time with friends than with each other, we make time for romantic things AND we keep our sex life FUN and exciting...which helps alot.

Any person who told me I could not be friends with someone cause of their gender would be WAY too insecure to even consider being my life partner. I would eat them alive. ROFL

Edited by - imissthedub on 5 July 2002 2:38:50

COMF

I used to believe this was not possible because of the sex thing, just like Harry says to Sally. More recently I've come to appreciate that it can be done, but probably only by very mature people who are secure in who they are, and who have the ability to extend trust to their partners without entertaining thoughts of being deceived.

I discussed this very situation with my girlfriend, explaining to her that I felt that going places, doing things with platonic friends of the opposite sex was not only okay, but probably actually healthy for a relationship. She disagreed and told me that she would never think that was okay.

We're not together anymore. Not over that specifically, but it did weigh in when the time to decide came.

maxwell

I'm a man. I believe that it is possible for a man and a woman to be just friends. It is my opinion that it is rare that a man and woman can be best friends only, but I think it does happen. I also believe, like someone else said, that in some cases a man and a woman can be friends only and have sex and continue to be friends only. Some people can think of it as just sex between friends. Some people can't have sex without attaching many other complicated things to it. I think a man could be friends with a woman he is physically attracted to, but not pursue her sexually. Honestly, if I pursued every woman I was physically attracted to, I'd drive myself crazy. I see physically attractive women everytime I walk down the street or down the hall at work. Also I do think it can be a challenge to keep it at a friendly level. I know this may sound like something the JW's would say, but I think in general, that if a man and a woman spend a lot of time alone together in private places, there is the possibility that passions will be aroused. Whether that would ruin the friendship or some other significant other relationship, depends on the people. I don't have a lot of friends, but I do have some female friends. I enjoy the company of women more than that of men, as long as they don't demand that I talk as much as women, because I talk even less than most men. Admittedly that may have something to do with the attraction to women's physical or feminine qualities, however I can and do simply enjoy their company and conversation without any thought of taking it further. Maxwell

teejay

My husband ... says that any man that appears to want to be friends with a woman really just wants to get in her pants, and if they end up friends it's purely by accident.

I'm afraid your husband is very wrong, Stinky.

I have several female friends and have never considered sex with them. A couple of weekends ago, I spent the entire weekend with a single female friend (been friends for years) and all we did was hang out.

Many men are as your husband says, though. They see women for only one reason. That's too bad since they are missing out on the best part of women.

For more thoughts/ideas on this topic, see http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/forum/thread.asp?id=14075&site=3

dustrabbit

Before I got married, I had a great number of female friends, alomst as many as my male friends. Never did have sex with any one of them, and I'd be a liar if I said it never crossed my mind. But I don't think I would've gone through with it, I don't really want to screw up a good friendship.

However, after I got married, my wife's demeanor just scared off all my female friends who were around my age. The only ones left were those who were around my mother's age. I guess my wife thought I wouldn't sleep with some my mother's age.

But I don't think having friends of the opposite sex will determine you having an affair. Affairs happen when when one partner is just a sex addict (male or female), doesn't give a hoto about their partner's feelings, or they feel there's something lacking in the marriage. I'm not saying this is right, but just what i think is what happens. I've never had an affair, so I can't qualify as an expert on this.

just my obligatory .02 cents.

the dustrabbit

LeslieV

I know for myself personally my best friend in life is male. Not only is he a man but at one time I was intimately involved with him. After we were no longer dating we had to work at our friendship but it was worth it. I am now married and he lives with another women. My husband knows all about him and welcomes him to our home as well as his calling me and me calling him. I love him but not any longer in a sexual way. He is like a brother to me.

Most of my life I have been close to men not women. This I attribute to the fact that I was raised with all brothers no sisters. My husband has very close men and female friends. I would never stop that. Affairs have nothing to do with friendships they are a break in trust with your partner. My husband trusts me and I trust him. I could never live a life that I was worried about were my husband was or who he was with all the time. Of course, I live a very different lifestyle then most married people. I have my home my husband has his. Love those conjugal visits hahahha. Just my thoughts.

Leslie

Male and Female Friends

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