A Newbie Introduction

by patricia 35 Replies latest jw friends

  • patricia
    patricia

    Hi Everyone,

    I am a "newbie" that has been "lurking" and commenting on a couple of posts over the last six months. I was somewhat intimidated by some of the comments on the board so I didn't feel comfortable in introducing myself. Since Simon seems to be dealing with some of the more "aggressive" posters I felt the time had come to introduce myself. I am from Canada and was "raised" in the truth. I started publishing at age five, and gave my first talk at age 7 after the theocratic ministry school was opened up to sisters in 1958. I was at the New York City International Assembly and even though I was only seven I remember the closing song of that eight day assembly as if it was yesterday, it was "Living Up to the Name". The sessions started early in the morning and went until 9:00 at night. My family volunteered for cafeteria preparation and we helped cut up vegetables etc for lunch and supper. We stood in lines for our meals and had really great conversations with all of the brothers. I was baptized when I was ten, and vacation pioneered with a wonderful older sister during my summer holidays until I was in my mid-teens. Being the oldest of six children (the middle one having cistic fibrosis and dying when she was two and a half) I developed a really close relationship with Jehovah. He was my confidante and my source of strength. It may sound silly, but I know personnally of occasions where through prayer he stepped in and made life bearable for me. My Mom and Dad used to fight constantly due to lack of money etc, and there were occasions were my parents would get into physical confrontations. All of us kids would hide and be terrified, but I remember going up to my room and praying to Jehovah to make them stop and they would, almost instantly. I really believe that back in the fifties Jehovah's spirit was still somewhat on the congregations. As I got older the only "attention" I got was from giving the best answers, the most interesting talks, and putting lots of hours in the field ministry. In my teen years a brother from our congregation who was the "Bible Study Servant" started visiting my Mom and Dad. I had known him since i was a little girl and his mother had studied with my parents. My parents would have parties with sing-a-longs and everyone would have a few drinks, and it seemed the more this person drank the more attractive I became, even though at the time I was just turning sixteen. But during daylight hours and at meetings I became invisible. After a year and a half of this and some "admonision" from the "servants" this brother and myself were married. I was seventeen, had never been to a school party, had never dated, kissed another individual, but because my Mother considered this brother the "catch" of the congregation we were married. After fifteen years of marriage and three children later, my elder husband who either had meetings to attend at the hall or meetings with his job, or sports events to attend with the brothers plus a little dallying on the side with some co-workers and a very bad temper that resulted in periodical physical violence I decided that life was to short to be so unhappy. Because I was a very spiritual person at the time, I knew the only way I would ever accomplish a separation was to disassociate myself so that all of my friends and relatives wouldn't try to make me change my mind. I even wrote in my letter that I was doing this so as to not bring reproach on Jehovah's name, and I truly believed that. I was later reinstated but during my time away I started seeing things in an entirely different light. There were so many things I didn't understand or agree with but being a sister didn't dare question. I couldn't understand the reasoning on why brothers could have mustaches but not beards; I couldn't see why sisters in cold Canadian winters couldn't wear slacks; I couldn't understand why when the congregation gave the majority of contributions to the society they had to pay interest on loans made to them by the organization to build Kingdom Halls, I couldn't understand how when the really mature and spiritual brothers believed in the end coming in 1975 to the point of even selling their homes and moving to where the need was great or giving up the gift of having children because of their faith that the end was so near, and then later these ones were made out to be spiritually weak and "speculators". I couldn't understand how in early times when only sisters were in congregations they could give talks from the platform directly to the audience, would be the Book Study Servant, the Literature Servant etc., but when brothers arrived then the sisters could no longer speak directly to the audience. I have faded from the organization over the last few years, but go to funerals, weddings etc. Two of my adult children do not attend meetings While one does. Their father my ex who had fallen away from the truth, lived openly with two different women (yet never was df) over a period of five years started back to meetings, and was just recently made an elder again. Some of my siblings are still in the truth and some have faded. My Mom is still strong and because I'm the only one near to here geographically and she needs my support I feel that I can't jeopardize my relationship with her or my children by speaking out to strongly about my lack of faith in the organization. I am at a very uncomfortable place in my life - I still believe in a creator, a God whether his name is Jehovah or not, but I have had no relationship with him over the last year. Because of this I feel a huge void in my life. I do not pray and I have a bitterness towards the society because they have taken away something that was very precious to me by destroying my relationship with my heavenly father. I guess I've been rambling but I appreciate this board and would like to participate more often. If anyone has any suggestions as to how I can open up the avenue of prayer again, I would really appreciate their feedback.

    Christian Love

    Patricia

    Edited by - Patricia on 4 July 2002 23:42:47

  • gravedancer
    gravedancer

    Welcome Patricia....

  • dungbeetle
    dungbeetle

    persons in long-term abusive relationships with significant others often report that same 'void' when they begin to break psychologically free from their emitional bonds to their abuser.

    Reading some good books helps. Steven Hassan wrote some excellent books on getting free from a restrictive religious relationship, and he was never a JW so he isn't even APOSTATE..haha.

    Ray Franz's books are good; Carl Olaf Jonsson (sp) books are good as well.

    Your avenue of prayer is just fine. No one feels good living a double life, you have to get used to that. It's when things DON'T feel wrong anymore that you can start to worry.

    Welcome to the board.

  • musky
    musky

    Welcome patricia, I feel that praying is about the only thing i have left. It is a one on one situation, with no people trying to interfere. Please keep praying. Although i admit, sometimes its hard for me to keep praying because there is no response, it seems. I just think its all we have if we are to have any kind of relationship with God. Just my thoughts , don't mean much. musky

  • SoulJah
    SoulJah

    YUP, read ray franz book : "In Search of Christian Freedom". His book,:" Crisis of Conscience" is good also but, it sounds like your beyond that stage.

    BTW, WELCOME

  • DakotaRed
    DakotaRed

    Sad story, Patricia, but one we see often here. Welcome to the board. No need to feel intimidated here, though. You are as free as anyone else to speak your mind.

    Lew W

    Edited by - DakotaRed on 4 July 2002 22:53:4

  • patricia
    patricia

    Thanks everyone. I really like to read so will take your advice. As far as the prayer aspect is concerned, I seem to have a blockage that I think is caused by guilt (as ridiculous as it seems) because of my confusion. Its had to disconnect "Jehovah" with the organization but I know that personally I need that connection with my heavenly father, so I am going to try and open up that avenue again.

  • Mac
    Mac

    Patricia,

    Hold on to your prayers, or rather, let them flow freely. Release yourself from the need to confine them within any structure imposed by others, or yourself for that matter. Don't worry about using proper titles when addressing your god or God.

    Be content in knowing that there is a universal intelligence and that all creation is linked in one way or another with it, him, her. Resign yourself to the fact that you will probably never, in this life, know the answers to the secrets of life or how we got here, or where we're going afterwards. .(But don't give up the search!) There seems to be an inborn arrogance in all of us that necessitates our placing everything in a neat box that we can readily display before others when confronted, or open up to make ourselves feel secure. Do the best you can and treat others fairly and with love. Whatever else happens, be content in knowing you have done your best.

    P.S. Don't listen to me, listen to your heart. What do I know?

  • onacruse
    onacruse

    Hi, Patricia! I really like your attitude. I too have struggled with prayer and sharing my faith (almost like learning how to walk again). I feel good about praying for (most of) those from whom I am now cut off, and to talk (without anger) to a few of my neighbors about JWs. Keep on trying, the way will open!

    I lurked here for a long time before posting, turned off by the (IMO) insensitive/offensive remarks of a very few. Slowly learning to sift out the garbage, watching how the long-timers identify and squelch those who seem intent on flaming everyone they can. There is way too much good on this forum to ignore.

    Christian love back to you!

    Craig

  • crawdad2
    crawdad2

    hi patricia,.................. you had alot of spirit, when you were young..........it was real.....

    i think alot of that spirit came from your good heart.

    we learn things in life from many sources, bad and good.

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