It would be upsetting for a marriage partner to leave after 20 years no matter why or with whom. It would be sad, probably for her, too. No one puts in that much time without regrets, unless they are literally in jail. WTBTS notwithstanding, she was not just a JW, but a wife and mom. It wasn't an easy choice.
After twenty years of marriage…
by John Aquila 34 Replies latest watchtower scandals
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smiddy
Nobody`s mentioned the attack on the poor guys ego ,after 20 years of marriage his wife runs off with another woman ? , I think any red blooded American or any other nationality , would be devastated , what a blow to ones manhood.
I hope I`m not sounding sexist here .
just saying
smiddy
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FayeDunaway
It's true smiddy, that's a natural reaction for a man. That's probably what is going to make him susceptible to these cookie bringing sisters, too. His ego is going to appreciate the attention. -
steve2
When a man leaves his wife for a man the wife goes through a very similar reaction to that alluded to above by other posters; it strikes at the core of what it is to be a woman.
In published accounts of what it is like, women often report wishing their husbands had run off with another woman because at least it would be someone that they could have stood a chance to "compete with".
But to discover your spouse has a non-heterosexual sexual orientation is a significantly distressing one.
For those interested in the significant adjustment issues that confront deserted spouses under these sorts of circumstances, there is actually a vast array of published firsthand material; I used to have it at my finger tips several years ago.You could do worse than googling "wives whose husbands have left them for another man" - or vice versa.
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punkofnice
JA - Would you be upset if this happened to you?
Blimey o'reilley, this is multifaceted. It's beyond simple I reckon.
Too damned right I'd be upset. That it wasn't another man either negates the feeling of competition (for want of a better word), but on the other hand removes all hope of a reconcilliation. Stuck for coherant words here, seeing as I'm just a working man who was never allowed an education.
I am so sorry for your friend.
My wife left after 20 years for the WBT$...what's worse? Probably about equal.
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Zoos
Steve nailed it.
Heteros have only themselves to blame for cultivating a society where gay people grow up afraid of being themselves. It ultimately victimizes everyone.
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Xanthippe
I have a friend whose husband didn't realise or admit to himself that he was gay until he was forty. They are still friends after the divorce for the sake of their daughter. She stays with her dad and his husband some weekends. I don't know for sure how my friend feels now but I have always said at least you know it wasn't about you, it was never going to work because he was gay. -
steve2
If it's safe to be gay in the community you happen to born and raised in - and you're not punished or scorned as a child for disclosing you are gay, why would you even think about marrying someone of the opposite sex?
When heterosexuals ask gays what possessed them to marry someone of the opposite sex, I suggest they put on the shoes of a gay person and get a sense of what is must be like to hide yourself from your nearest and dearest. Pressure to fit in and fulfill parental expectations ( including for grandchildren) can be hugely imactful on gay men and women who naively believe if they marry their orientation will change.
Thankfully, in many lands, gay men and women are now accorded equal status under law, thus removing the need for them to hide themselves for fear others will find out. They can even marry someone of the same sex and be accorded the same legal status as heterosexuals.
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James Jack
Same thing happened to a guy in South Florida who was a MS and married with 3 kids and a regular pioneer for 20 years.
She wanted to go to a company party, he refused, she went any ways, stayed over night and home the next day to declare to him that she was a lesbian. She was willing to stay with him till their 16 year old daughter was ought, and give him the marital due, but her deal included time with her new found lover.
He said no deal!
The hardest thing he told me was; "I can compete with another man, but how do you compete with another woman?"
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_Morpheus
I admit there was a certain tounge in cheek quality to my post but a part of me truly does susspect my wife is a lesbian, or at least bisexual. It would be great if true and she could admit it.
I differ from others on the emasculating effect of such an admision though. It wouldnt bother me at all. Why would her sexuality, what she finds arousing, reflect on me or my worth as a person or even a man? If i find women with large breasts arousing does that diminish the worth of smaller breasted women...? Of course not. Much of what we find attractive is hard wired. We simply have no control. If thats the maner shes or i or anyone else is hard wired, Thor bless you and be happy.
Just stop wasting my time.