PLEASE be nice to the newbies! (page 2)

Mulan

Hoping that your kindly reminder will raise the bar! Thanks.

That's all I want............just a reminder to be kind.........sensitive, instead of sarcastic. Sarcasm is funny, for some, but for others it's a painful experience.

Thanks for your timely post. Soooo sorry your friend had that bad experience in chat. Sometimes it's best to just go with the flow, and then opt out and try reading the posts. I read for a long while before I ever became a member and posted. I tried chat but it didn't work for me. Through the posts, I have connected through e-mail with some wonderful sincere people.

I hope she will give us another chance. ((((HUGS)))) to you for your efforts.

Karen/Sentinel

Dutchie

I am so sorry that your friend was traumatized by her experience in the chat room.

It makes me sad to think that she came here for help and was insulted with a lewd remark

If she came back and posted her story on the board I am sure that she would get the support that she so desperately needs.

animal

Remember too that the chat room can have major lags in it... sometimes minutes go by before all the people in there see that a person entered, or left.

I am curious tho... beings I go in there and am racey, at best. Is the intention to raise the bar so that none can ever get offended? "Offended" is a relative term, each has thier own definition. Wouldnt it just be easier to close it, or have some clean cut person moderate it? Maybe just lock it, like the "boobie thread"?

Animal

Crystal

http://groups.msn.com/SurvivorsofJW/_homepage.msnw?pgmarket=en-us

She will find people here that are supportive.I did.

waiting

Hey Mulan,

Very seldom go into chat for various reasons - but a LOT of people do, and it seems to agree with them.

I would never recommend chat to a new (and known to me) fragile person - and I know you didn't recommend it to her, Mulan. But I would caution you to be careful to explain the openess of chatrooms to any other people you correspond with. And thanks for your words - I've never thought about the necessity of cautioning people I welcome on posts or in email that communicate with me about the openess of the chatroom.

As for your friend? Well, hope she comes back - and just visits in the open forum for a while. At least then, she's free to leave a thread whenever she wants, not post, post, etc - and doesn't have to worry about really communicating with absolute strangers from many countries & walks of life.

What she did was like going into a Nice Bar/Restaurant and sitting down at the biggest table there, and just started talking with strangers. I doubt if many of us would do that.

waiting

FreeToBeMe

she may find this 'group' supportive too

http://groups.msn.com/JehovahWitnessRecovery/welcome1.msnw

there's no prerequisite to contribute anything more than presence, and she'll be free to peruse the website at will. The group has an eclectic approach and is as diverse as this forum, albeit no where near as big. The choice is her's, though I know that with PTSD (and other issues) the best place to be in the first instance is face -to-face with qualified and appropriate professionals.

I hope she continues with her journey of recovery. Yes, it is painful at times but the rewards for the effort are more than worth it.

FreeToBeMe

songmistress

Mulan,

Your point is well taken. I find it real easy myself to be swept away with the current in chat. After years of borg control, it can be real hard to find proper balance. I am so sorry your friend had that experience. Harm to a persons soul is so much more deadly than anything done to the body.

The other thing I have noticed, while we are on this topic, is sometimes certain ones may want to make decisions for someone else, like telling them to leave the organization ect. The thing I think needs to be remembered is we each have to live our own lives and make our own decisions. People will hear only what they are ready to hear and do what we are ready to do. When I am trying to be supportive of someone, I feel it is important for them to know they have the inner strength and wisdom to make the proper decision for themselves if only they will tap into that strength. This is what has worked for me and given me strength to carry on. I'm by no means any expert in this area and frequently feel like a hypocrite when I fail to follow through being prone myself to judgement bossiness and tactlessness

Remember the proverb about handing someone a fish, feeds them for a day, but teaching them to fish, feeds them for a lifetime.

Blessings to all

Song

Simon

I think that is a good reminder - with the recent exposure of the abuse issue in the media there is perhaps an increased possibility that a new person may be after some answers and support. I would hate to think that they could be put-off by a few careless remarks.

It's true that the chat isn't a proper support system but even so, it would be good to find out a bit about people before we go too far with the comments.

Valis

So Mulan neglects to mention that the chat area is more like a bar than a place to tell your story....its hard enough to have a chat, much less get involved in a coherent story. My suggestion would be to ALWAYS inform someone that chat is not the appropriate place to "let it all out". A thread is much more suited for this purpose, allows the new person to get greeted properly, allows others to develop an interest in what the new person has to say. As if anyone should have to be told this! Having said that I will admit that I am probably one of the more crude and lecherous individuals that uses the chat, but I make it a rule to only be crude and lecherous with those I know will not get offended. This facillitates getting to know the new peeple as to "feel them out" for thier intent and purpose. My other question is how old is this person and where is thier own discretion in this matter? Did they suddenly jump in and start telling thier story without getting a feel for the chat room, or at least sit back and lurk a while before starting in? I've seen, first hand, what abuse does to people, but that doesn't mean that they have to get offended by every little thing they run accross. I'll say it again. ....sometimes XJWs have another kind of test...one of the Intellect, where one has to show who the adult is in an adult situation and not be so easily offended.. I hope your friend comes back and remembers that sometimes facing your demons means getting rid of your own high and mighty notions and opening your eyes to a bigger picture in a bigger context............ BTW, she could have ignored the comment and gotten on with it as well.....

Sincerely,

District Overbeer

PLEASE be nice to the newbies!

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