Hilary,
I applaud your post. being free of the Org. doesn't mean we are free to do whatever we like regardless of the consequences. Sometimes we can detract from our necessity to change our own beliefs, attitudes and behaviours by pointing the finger at someone else, e.g. they should be more mature. What about us?
Telling someone else what to do because we can't be bothered to address our own unacceptable behaviour is, in my opinion, the maintenance of the JW mind-set (though not the prerogative of JWs). Maturity isn't the prerequisite of others, it is ours. Surely the mature thing to do is to think being you 'speak'. Isn't it maturity to accept responsibility for our own behaviour, as opposed to the arrogance of 'there's nothing wrong with me'?
Eric Fromm indicates the difficulty attached to responsibility, it hurts, it's scary. If I'm responsible for me then when I screw-up I owe it to myself to change, and I might not know how to change. I might then discover that I need the help of others to signpost, initiate and otherwise motivate that change. However, if I'm still stuck in the mind-set of my own self-righteousness, then thinking and doing things in a different way will be frightening; there's a certain sense of security in the familiar, even if it is wrong. Admitting our own fallabilities and need to change our own attitudes, beliefs and behaviours challenges, in my view, the JW mindset. Accepting the help of others in instigating change blows it out of the water.
Benjamin Franklin said "Those things that hurt, instruct" Isn't pain management the sign of maturity? Maybe especially so when dealing with emotional hurt. From my own experience, I was to discover that I was emotionally immature after years of social isolation in the JW Org, however it took the understanding and compassion of others to nurse me towards a state of emotional improvement. Sure, I ran off at the mouth, used inappropriate language & behaviour (and paid the consequences for it), but thro' a balance of HEALING nurturance AND control I moved on. (The control issue is another thing, suffice to say that I consider JWs (& others) provide ample examples of unhealthy control).
So, bottom line.... we are all learning, newbies & veterans. Most times we'll get it right, and sometimes we'll screw-up. When we get it right, we learn... when we get it wrong, we can learn, a no-lose situation .... so much unlike my experiences in JWs when I could never win.
FreeToBeMe
