PLEASE be nice to the newbies!

by Mulan 40 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  Dutchie

  the chat area is more like a bar than a place to tell your story

  May I suggest Valis that a new person would not know that. It is conceivable that maybe she was just anxious to tell her story and so did not think about "getting a feel for the place."

  I'll say it again. ....sometimes XJWs have another kind of test...one of the Intellect, where one has to show who the adult is in an adult situation and not be so easily offended.. I hope your friend comes back and remembers that sometimes facing your demons means getting rid of your own high and mighty notions and opening your eyes to a bigger picture in a bigger context............ BTW, she could have ignored the comment and gotten on with it as well.....

  Sincerely,

  Being an "adult" in an "adult" situation means different things to different people. Not all the people who come here are as self-possessed are you are and not all are as obviously as secure in their sexuality as you seem to be.

  Please realize, Valis, that I am in no way criticizing you, just pointing out some things that you may have overlooked.

  So her being insulted and offended at a lewd remark does not necessarily mean that she has "high and mighty notions". Her healing does not depend on her opening her eyes to a bigger picture as you see that picture. Her bigger picture must guided by her own instincts and emotions.

  Just some thoughts and nothing (I hope) for you to get angry about.
• 

  Valis

  Nope Dutch, no getting angry here. I do have a few questions though. What is it that makes me self possesed? If you directed someone here would you not use discretion and inform them that they might run into something they aren't used to and should be prepared for it? Or is it that we should espouse that its all pie in the sky here? That's as delusional as being a JW. I realize that many people heal in different ways and have no problem with that. As a matter of fact I have recently been involved face to face with an abused one and did my best to help with that, even with all the drama that goes along with it, offering comfort, words of concern, a shoulder to cry on, and a helping hand. All I'm asking is that let make sure the newbies we bring here are ready and also suggest they post thier story in the apporpriate forum and not in chat. If I read a story and then meet the person in chat I always make sure to share a kind word. If you don't believe that then ask sixofnine, or cowboy, or xenawarrior, or lauralisa, or scootergirl, or any number of folks for that matter.

  Sincerely,

  District Overbeer
• 

  Dutchie

  Hey, Valis, I don't have to ask anyone. I know you're a nice guy and anyone who has sweet little girls like you do, well they can't be ALL bad.

  I appreciate your comments.
• 

  Valis

  So can you answer my questions please Dutch? Or do we need to take this to chat, where you surely know my first line will be..."show me your boobs!"...? *LOL*

  Sincerely,

  District Overbeer
• 

  bigboi

  I don't think this board should be recommended to persons with serious problems like PTSD and the like. I know this board has probably been of some support to ppl who suffer from those problems, and while that's a great thing, it still stands that ppl with serious problems like that should be directed to somplace that can give them the professional help they need.

  Although it is immature to ask someone you don't know and who is pouring their heart out, "Show us your boobs" it is still all the more immature to expect that all the ppl here wil act in a way that won't offend fragile, hurting new ones. It's just too volatile a place for that.

  I hope this caused her no serious setbacks in her recovery and that she comes back and posts her experience. Judging by the interest shown in this thread, I'd say a lot of ppl are eager to hear from her.

  ONE.....

  bigboi
• 

  Dutchie

  Well, Valis, I can only say that they're real and they're spectacular!
• 

  Valis

  yo big...I have to disagree w/you to an extent, respectfully of course. I think this is a great place for people to tell thier story anonymously, and help themselves heal with the tools this DB provides. Things like links to resources such as silentlambs.org, good listeners, other people's stories/experience, sound advice, others that share the common PTSD, the exposing of the very policy that caused many of them to be in the predicamnet they are in now, etc..I do agree that this should not by any means be the sole outlet towards recovery, and that people should use discretion when chatting w/newbies, just not about thier boobies..*L* I probably won't get anyone to admit that it takes some maturity to ignore inappropriate remarks directed towards them, but hey..I'll stick by my guns regardless.

  Dutchie..that truly warms my heart..

  Sincerely,

  District Overbeer

  Edited by - Valis on 20 July 2002 15:16:7
• 

  bigboi

  ..I do agree that this should not by any means be the sole outlet towards recovery,

  That's actually what i meant to say. Hopefully this place isn't anyone's sole outlet towards recovery.

  and that people should use discretion when chatting w/newbies, just not about thier boobies..

  ROTFL! True, True!

  *L* I probably won't get anyone to admit that it takes some maturity to ignore inappropriate remarks directed towards them, but hey..I'll stick by my guns regardless.

  I'll be the first to admit that. I thought that was a good point u made earlier, actually.

  Thanks for your observations Valis! I always enjoy reading your stuff, dude.

  ONE...

  bigboi
• 

  SpiceItUp

  I admit I have gotten a bit rowdy in chat....BUT-------- If there are name that I dont recognize I check out their profile and if they are newbies then I welcome them and watch how I word things so as not to offend. But that is just what I do--cant speak for anyone else.

  Spice

  btw----I wonder who is on the list of to be ignored...lol Hope Im not one of them
• 

  hillary_step

  Hello,

  Whether we wish to admit it or not these forums are a place where we assess one another us by words and not by deeds, subsequently our words should be used with a sense of responsibility as they can help heal a broken heart, but can also hurt people very deeply. Shredding 'newbies' with unkind words shows much more about us than it does about them.

  This Board is not just an on-line social community, it is a place of education, a psychiatrists couch, a nursery for the wounded heart, an information center for those dealing with internal turmoil, and many other things. As such, and as it is hosted entirely by donation by a hard-working young man, both it and those who post here deserve to be treated with a mutual respect.

  The 'renewed adolescence' scenario is not an uncommon one to emerging JW's, especially those raised as such who suddenly find that are as free to be as good or as bad as they like, and they experiment with this new found freedom by walking around the Board with all their talent hanging out. I admit to sometimes being stunned when a poster who in my own mind I had thought of as a 23 year old, suddenly reveals that they are middle-aged. I suspect that this desire to recapture a youth than was stolen from us is a hard one to control once we slip off our WTS emotional handcuffs.

  My own feeble attempt at developing some sort of personal Board ethic is to never write what you would not say to a persons face, try to give the benefit of the doubt to a poster even when it makes the veins in your neck bulge to bursting, and if possible take personal disputes off-line.

  HS