by Bonsai 44 Replies latest jw friends
Wow. I woke up this morning to find all these great replies and various advice. It really helps.
When I left this organization, I thought I could take some of the good things with me, but I see now that it is just impossible. It takes everything from you until there is nothing left. I still can't believe that my best friend would view the blood doctrine as more important than my friendship with him.
I hate what this religion does to people!
Millie: My goal is to reverse witness. I do this by living a happy life and letting them see that leaving doesnt "ruin" life, instead it makes it better.
What a great attitude! Very inspiring.
Thanks, Millie.
I get an occasional hug from a sister who is with my wife and that causes her to cross my path. Otherwise, nothing. I thought at first when I started the fade that I would keep my JW best friend, as I was always there for him. NOPE. He was one of the first JW's to choose a rigid application of the rules and state that he had to limit association (cut it entirely).
I think I was way better off that way. Despite the way I typed the above, I recognize these people are in a dangerous mind-control cult and I would welcome them back into my life if they left the Watchtower. I developed much better friends among former JW's that don't care if I am liberal or conservative, atheist or Christian or Buddhist, whether I smoke or not. It's much more satisfying than trying to keep a bond with someone who you can't discuss things with freely.
Why would you want to maintain a friendship with a Loyal™ JW. To them, you're nothing more than extra time and a Return Visit™ on their monthly report. You're a project. You're being used to pad their hours, so they can slack off in Field Service™.
And if you say anything to them that's remotely suspicious, or confide anything to them that you wouldn't want to get back to the Elders™, it's almost guaranteed that they will rat you out at the first opportunity.
I was never really one of the popular JWs who had a lot of friends , but being a JW for 40 years our family had built up many acquaintances - almost all of which fizzled out when we left. My wife was much more of a socialite but when she stopped going to the meetings , she lost about 100 "friends" almost overnight on Facebook as the rumours started to circulate. You could almost see them "unfriending" her in real time.
We got a couple of emails and letters from former JW "friends" stating that "I enjoyed our friendship but as you'll understand now you no longer go to meetings we can no longer have a relationship blah blah" etc but basically most people just dump you without a word. The one JW I would still regard as a friend and have a beer with every month or so knows it isn't the truth but is just staying in for family reasons & is really marginal now.
Like some others on this thread have stated , eventually you do make new friends - better ones that aren't conditional and people that are much more aware of life & interested in what is going on around about them. Looking back , most of the friendships I thought I had as a JW were really superficial.
I left so long ago and moved when I left. I would of only wanted to keep one of my former friends, but his family are uber dubs. I tried last year making contact but it involved meeting up at his parent's home. He is 39 and his parents are in their late 70's.
I was given grief for marrying a Catholic. Ummm I've been inactive for nearly 15-20 years, what did they expect.
I don't know how you keep a friendship with a JW without being one.
Millie: My goal is to reverse witness. I do this by living a happy life and letting them see that leaving doesnt "ruin" life, instead it makes it better.
The greatest revenge is living a happy & successful life!
Doc
Bonsai:
The reality is that you will lose almost all of the friends you have made there. But, as somebody who was treated like a Typhoid Mary because I worked full-time, I didn't have many friends. No loss.
There are a few who have limited contact with me because they can be themselves and they know I am not judging them like the other creeps and agenda-driven fools in the religion.
I cannot believe the abuse these women put up with because I certainly would never tolerate any of it. They must really think they are in "the truth"!!
Sadly, I don't think they will ever wake up but I'm just glad I AM not hypnotized by this garbage anymore!
