Thank you everyone. Posting my feelings here and reading your responses has been very good for me.
Been There, your idea of writing a long letter is a really good one.
Scully, I don't know if I can contact my brother yet, but maybe in time. I recently sent my family a letter, and it definately made the rounds, from what I can determine. In it I told my brother that I had come to the point of forgiving him for some matters that were between us and that it was in the past. I think this may have influenced him positively in his decision to let me know about this death. I also told my family that I had become aware of family business (aunts and uncles who have died) that they didn't let me know about, and this violated their rules (Kingdom Ministry insert, August 2002). This may have actually worked in my favor too, believe it or not. So I will take it slowly. I need to give them some time to grieve without bringing my issues into there lives again.
Thank you all. I have the best friends here on this board! I can talk to you and you know exactly what I am feeling. I'm just sorry that so many of us had to go through such pain to get here.
Tammy