by bay64me 38 Replies latest jw friends
Mimilly,
I told the police it was a case of domestic violence and I said they took the guy to jail.I just didn't want it to be on record that I was the one who called because the crazy nuts would have seen them coming over to my place for information.
Bay64me, will you let us know
how the situation turns out,
or what your thoughts are on
the responses to your post?
A concerned nilfun.........
You got to call, every single time it happens. You very well may save her life in spite of herself. Personally, I would love to kick the crap of someone doing that to their spouse. But, it is best to call the police.
OK. Thanks for all your replies, I've taken on board a lot of your comments and made a few phonecalls to Womens Aid and also the Domestic Violence Unit connected to the Police.
I now have a couple of numbers that I can call and the Officer from the D.V.U. said that I can ask to be treated annonymously and they will respect that, if I fear any repercusions. I am now prepared to do that next time I need to.
That man is victimising me too. I know I am playing into his game by doing nothing and thats why I asked for sound advice, i.e. who do I ask for help, what is the best form of help I can give (that is assuming she wants it) how do I protect myself and my family without us feeling more vunerable?
For me, it is a tricky situation as I am living it! I put up with abuse for years and no matter what 'advice' I was given at that time, it was not until the time was right, when I found the guts, courage, call it what you like, to actually leave and change my situation.
I might just add, I mentioned in my origional post that I only suspect that he is 'knocking' her about.I hear his raised voice and thuds and bangs, but never hers until last week in the garden. For all I know he may be throwing furniture, ornaments! OK, he still has a problem but maby a different one.
Anyway,I am now armed with all the information I need. Thanks again and i'll let you know of any future happenings.
bay64me.
Being that I was abused by my ex-wife, yes guys it happens, women do hit also, I never once laid a hand on her however, but I did call the police, and she was arrested, in my state it's automatic on a DV call, at least one person goes to jail. And from a guys perspective, it was a real blessing to have a witness, even though I was the one that called, the cops automatically assumed I was the one doing the battering. Thank god for my neighbors. My suggestion is to call the police, ask questions later. It's they're job.
Edited by - Trauma_Hound on 3 September 2002 4:54:58
Sorry Mimilly - I didn't mean it like that. I meant that tape recording it (so there is some presentable evidence) and callnig the police were the right thing to do.
Saying that it was up to her was a bit cold in retrospect but I was trying to take some of the worry and responsibility off the person posting. Of course it isn't as simple as that in real life.
Apologies if I offended you.
bay64 - I'm glad you called the authorities and was reassured that you would remain anonymous. I 'lived' my reality too, as a kid. What bothers me is that you said you have no 'proof' that he is knocking her around. Why do YOU need proof to call? You yourself said that the woman came out into the night and screamed for help!
dsgal - just because 911 calls are traced does not mean that you cannot remain anonymous. You tell them you fear so and so and why.
Simon - It is up to the police to gather the evidence. Just like it is 'our' responsiblity to protect children, it is also our responsibility to protect those who are unable to stand up for themselves in domestic violence cases. If the poster had suspected a child was being beaten - that the child had run out into the night screaming for help - would you suggest taping so there would be 'evidence'?
You never did answer the questions about 'what if it was Ang being beaten'. What would YOU want someone who heard to do? It's always easier when it's in somebody else's home. That way we can put up some kind of barrier and convince ourselves that it's their problem. It is society's problem, and we are ALL responsible to help those who need protection. The reason I asked you about what if Ang were being beaten - it breaks those barriers down. The rules and responsiblities are no different for those we do not personally know. It comes down to the golden rule.
It's always frightening being the one to report it. BUT - how does the victim feel? How scared is the victim? That puts it into perspective.
Mimilly
bay,
I'm glad the Domestic Violence Unit gave you a number where you can call anonymously.You wouldn't want to put yourself in danger.This is indeed a tricky situation and I hope all goes well for you.Keep us posted.
Bay64me, you wrote:
"I now have a couple of numbers that I can call...
I am now prepared to do that next time I need to."
You are prepared to step outside
your fear.
I applaud your decision
If this fellow hits his wife about, you can be certain of one thing: He will never stop. He probably convinces her that it's her fault, and they probably also have some other business too.
Erin Pizzey, a UK authority on battered women, notes in her book that some women get so used to the adrenaline-causing tension, that they find it difficult to enjoy a relationship with a kindly guy once the baddy has been removed from the scene.
Englishman.
