Well, it's been one week since mom called to tell me that she is reverting back to a previous behavior from 1981, called "hard line shunning". This is after some ten years now, of having communication with me in a restrictive manner. (Well, as "normal" as it could be for us anyway. I'm so used to accepting the crumbs I get......I take what I can get and try to accept it and appreciate it.)
This leaves me confused, and with many questions as I ponder the past and try to come to terms with the now. All these many years she has been a very faithful JW. Yet, because of how the organization "changes", and because of how different congregations, and different elders, etc. understand the rules of the WTBTS, she has treated me differently, during different time periods.
After dad died, I went alone to Florida to visit her. This was the first part of May, 2001. Because dad was so obsessive and possessive of her, I had not been able to enjoy even brief times alone with mom in so many, many years; and that was only compounded by her total separation from me for twelve years due to her religious stand. I longed for the old closeness that we enjoyed so many, many years prior. We finally got to have that time. We enjoyed a full week together. It was almost bliss for me. We talked. We looked at old photos. I asked questions that an adult daughter needs to ask of her mother, things regarding family history and health, etc. We so enjoyed those seven days.
What is odd about all of this, is that she actually invited me to stay with her in her apartment. I could have easily gotten accomodations elsewhere. She knew that. Still, we ate together, we dined out together, we shopped together. And, she really wanted me to attend at least one meeting with her, so that "she could introduce me to all her friends". I declined the invitation, as I did not wish to give her any hope whatsoever that I would "go back". (She ended up NOT going to any meetings the whole time I was there.)
During my visit she told me how much she admired me, and that she very proud of me for all my accomplishments. She was not attacking me for my disassociation since 1981. She did not try to even discuss the bible or the doctrines with me. (Thank goodness.) Even though at one point, the day before my departure, and probably out of sheer frustration that even her kindness and love was not going to get "this sheep back into the fold", she told me that I was just blinded and would not be able to see the light of truth anymore. She indicated that she wanted me to be happy and enjoy the rest of my time, because Armageddon was nearly upon us. I ignored her statement, and so she didn't go there again during my stay. All and all, It was just a very loving time that we had together.
In fact, when summer began this year, she called me and wanted me to come down by myself again, and I told her that I just wasn't able to do it for awhile longer. (Looks like I waited too long.)
What confuses me, is if I am disassociated, and she knows I will never go back, why would she ask me to stay with her, in her home? Isn't that forbidden? Was it not also forbidden for me to sit at the same table with her to eat together--or shop together? And, how about the invitation to go to a meeting and MEET her friends. Wouldn't they have had to shun me?
Now that I think about that visit, I have to wonder about so much. Well, at least this is a very good memory--something for me to treasure and hold onto for the rest of my days.
Right now as I look at the clock on my computer, it is 6:15PM. That's when her came came last Friday. Things will never be the same again. :-(
Sentinel/Karen
