Humanitarian assistance

garybuss

"Discretion should be used in determining what, if any, assistance might be given on a humanitarian basis to those not having a good standing in the congregation."
("Pay Attention to Yourselves and to All the Flock" WTB&TS 1991 p. 22)

I was associated with the Watch Tower Bible And Tract Society Of New York and Pennsylvania, also known as, Jehovah's Witnesses. I was "in good standing in the congregation". My monthly field service reports were being accepted by them, as were my donations for literature and expenses. This is a story of my first hand experience with the Watchtower Society.

Back in December of 1970, my first wife, Delores, was dying from leukemia. She had been a pioneer until she became ill. She would not take blood treatment or a bone marrow transplant according to the Watchtower Society's current suggestions and guidelines. Since she would not receive blood treatment to support the drug treatments, she was not able to take the non-blood treatments either. She was so weak that she was bed ridden and needed help in getting to the bathroom, and getting food. She was virtually blind due to the blood vessels breaking in her eyes. We were living in a tiny 10' X 50' mobile home that was made for the southern climates rather than the frozen north of Dakota. I was working nights with little or no sleep in a supermarket bakery.

Delores wanted to stay at home as long as she could before she went into the hospital. She knew that this trip to the hospital would be her last.

I had been staying home from work for weeks, caring for her, but we were out of money. Her relatives came to visit on a weekend: brother and wife, sister and husband; father and wife. They were all JWs and were all pioneering. We needed help. I asked them. I told them we were out of money and I needed to go to work to earn some money to buy food and pay utilities. I asked them all, in front of Delores, if they could help her, if they could work out their schedules to come to stay with her for a few days each, or something, so I could go back to work. I didn't ask them for money, although this is what we really needed at that time. They, one by one, said, "no", that they had to get their pioneer hours in, until last to answer was Delores' step mother. She said yes she would come and stay a few days. But Delores' dad, said no she couldn't come. And that was that. None of them ever came to stay with her or to help in any way.

I was only 26. This was a desperate time.

I ended up going to my employer who was not a Jehovah's Witness and asking for an advance on my pay that I hadn't earned yet and more time off to take care of Delores. His name was Max Gerkin. He put his hand on my shoulder and told me to go take care of my wife and he'd take care of the money. I did and he did.

Delores lived till January 12, 1971. I was able to spend her last weeks with her at her bedside thanks to Sunshine Food Markets, Max Gerkin, Neil Jensen, and George Sercil who gave me the time off work and the money to pay expenses.

Delores' Witness relatives came for only one two hour visit while she was in the hospital the last two weeks before her death, even though they all came from 100 miles or less. One of her sisters, didn't even bother to come at all because she was on a winter vacation.

The actual love shown Delores in her last weeks was all from non-Witnesses. The Witnesses were too busy pioneering to help their daughter and sister. After Delores died, I was left with all the medical, funeral, and burial expenses which, thanks to my employer, Sunshine Food Markets, I was able to pay off.

There was about $300 donated at the funeral and Sunshine employees donated another $350 for a memorial. After the bills were paid and I had recovered, I offered to donate a hand built walnut bookcase to the Kingdom Hall as a memorial to her. It was refused.

gb

LDH

(((((((((((((GB)))))))))))))

Max Gerkin is a man and a half. Do you still have contact with him?

Amazingly, the only 'social assistance' a JW will ever get is by going to the 'worldly authorities.' I have heard stories similar to yours a hundred times.

Was this the last straw, did it cause you to leave the 'troof'--or did you stay a little longer?

Lisa

FreeFallin

Dear garybuss,

That is one of the most heart-wrenching stories I've ever read. What is wrong with these people!

Have to get their service hours in--what a crock of shit. What a horrible time it must have been for you.

Free

PS I'm not a very eloquent writer or very good at exprssing my emotions, but my heart goes out to you. I'm sure someone will be able to comment on the WT insensitivity.

BeautifulGarbage

Gary,

I'm truly sorry for your loss.

I am shocked speechless by the callousness of her JW family. Just when I think I can't be shocked anymore.

I'm heart warmed by the kindness and generosity of your employer so that you could be there to take care of your wife in her last days.

Andee

abbagail

This is the saddest thing I have ever heard. I am so sorry! Even though it happened long ago, I'm sure the pain resurfaces every time you think about it or write about it. I wish you could have this printed in the paper where you lived at the time, for all those pioneers who "so love their neighbors to preach 100 hours" could see this. Why not send your above post to Letters to the Editor or something? The JWs need to be "shamed" but GOOD!

And at the same time, a newspaper letter or article would give public praise to the people who helped you at the grocery story! They most certainly deserve it!

Lastly, I know in my heart what you write about the pioneers is true. I remember well the "pressure" to get the hours in, and the indoctrination that doing the preaching work was more important than ANYTHING (they never said "more important than other people," but the implication was there, big time).

Did this experience drive you out of the truth?

Take care,
Grits

garybuss

Hi Lisa, Max died years ago. This was not the end for me. I did start to leave individuals and that is how I actually did leave. I left people. One by one until the backpedaling of 1974 and the denials of 1975. I had been outraged by so many Witnesses that all that was left were those I really didn't care about anyway and those that were not interesting to me.

I tried to reconcile the behaviors or many, including Delores' relatives but I couldn't. It was too terrible.

Free, Thanks, best wishes to you.

Grits, Good idea. Thanks. The local paper did interview me in 1996 and that made the front page but the people at Sunshine are still not repaid to the heights they deserve.

Andee, thanks. I have forgiven them but I still think it was a terrible thing to do while expecting impunity.

gb

AwakenedAndFree

Dear Garybuss,

Your story is heartbreaking.

How sad that they profess to know God, his personality, but do not not act in harmony with God's principles!

1 John 4:8 : " He that does not love has not come to know God, because God is love."

Christian Love,

AwakenedAndFree

dsgal

Garybuss,

That is a sad story indeed,but I learned after a lot of heartbreak that people become cold and calloused when they become Witnesses.If your wife's family had been any other religion I strongly doubt they would have treated you and your wife like that.Soooo far off from the way Jesus taught!

patio34

Hi Gary,

Thanks for sharing that with us. It really made me sad and mad. You know, not that I'm a Bible believer any more, I thought of when Jesus used the Pharisees as an example saying they couldn't help their parents as their belongings were corban. It's just like the dubs who said their time had to be used by pioneering. So backwards.

Pat

Swan

It reminds me of the good Samaritan story the JWs are so fond of telling. Only this time Max and the Sunshine Grocery Store were the "worldly" Samaritans. The JWs played the role of Pharisees. Unfortunately I have seen this happen too often. The "worldly" people I have known since leaving the JWs were kinder and more generous than most JWs I knew. Why is that? I don't know.

I often took the time to visit those who were sick in the hospital. I was told I couldn't count the time. I knew I couldn't count the time, but I felt it was something that I needed to do for them. I just didn't understand why more JWs didn't show up!

I am so deeply sorry for your loss and for what Delores went through. My condolences.

Tammy

Humanitarian assistance

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