How Have U Changed since Leaving?

by patio34 33 Replies latest jw experiences

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  patio34

  I've been thinking about changes in my world view lately and wonder if others have had a similarly subtle, yet profound, outlook on life.

  Not being a JW nor even a believer anymore has made a subtle change that Ive observed. To begin with, I read somewhere that people tend to bring their own standards to their religion. So, basically, my morals are the same mostly.

  However, a subtle change that reflects my understanding that evolution is the probable explanation for life is my expectations and opinions of myself and others.

  For one, I no longer view myself as a failure if my grown children dont live as they should imo. From the standpoint of evolution, there are going to be unsuccessful people or beings. If one has done the best they can to rear well-equipped offspring, the rest is up to the kids.

  How I view others, especially their private lives (read: sex) is that its none of my nor anyone elses business as long as its two consenting adults. It doesnt mean I would do the same, however, as I still have my own standards, but theyre just that: mine and not to be foisted on others.

  Another new opinion is that of "tinkering with nature," (the presumption being that there's an intelligent design) specifically genetic engineering. Well, something like 98% of species that have existed are now extinct. So, I don't see that "nature" is that brilliant. Whatever works, works. Now for humans to use their intelligence to improve conditions, even genetically, just makes sense. Of course, there's a lot of potential for benefits or harm, but that shouldn't stop the research. There is nothing inherently sacred in nature.

  So, how about you? Have you had a similar or different change in your world view?

  Pat

  Edited by - Patio34 on 7 September 2002 23:16:7
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  myself

  Pat, nice thread. I have changed mostly in my tolerence and respect for others, their feelings and their beliefs. It is not my way or no way. I have sympathy for those who have to face the shunning, I have experienced it too. Funny, while I was df'd I understood it and thought it was fine that it served its purpose. I was confused when after being re-instated that I was still shunned by those I loved most. Now it doesn't matter, I don't crave conditional love. I have changed in that I no longer suffer depression. I don't jump through hoops to impress anyone anymore. I am true to I am, take it or leave it. Life has more meaning now that I don't ignore things thinking that "one day Jah will take care of it", thinking that is the answer to all my problems. Now I face the problems (which are few) and I find a way resolve it, or accept it and go on.

  Myself
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  truman

  I have changed so much since I left the WTS about a year and a half ago, that at times I don't even recognize the person I used to be. I was going to say I don't recognize who I have become, but that is not true. Now I am and am becoming more and more who I always should have been, who I would have been a long time ago if I hadn't been diverted from it for 27 years as a witness.

  As a witness, I was a miserable, sad, fat, frumpy mess, just trudging along trying to 'endure to the end'. Now, I am a much happier person, have lost the excess weight and got fit, and learned to look better and feel better about myself and my life. I am doing new things and having adventures, taking lesson in activities I always wanted to do but was waiting for the 'new system' to pursue, and trying things I never thought I would. I am having a great time doing these things.

  As far as changing my view of the world, yes, it has changed very much. I was always a very accepting person, but it was buried under my witness judgementalism. Now, I find so much satisfaction and freedom in being able to accept other people, their ideas, their lifestyles, and their ways as part of the interesting diversity of life. Some I can join with, some I cannot, but I can learn from it all.

  I can feel free to read and assimilate whatever I want to, without having to censor my intellectual curiosity to a party line of thought control.

  And as far as the question of beliefs on sexual morality as propounded by the WTBS, I have diverged widely from their viewpoint. But overall, my moral code is not too different. I strive to live in a way so as not to unnecessarily hurt other people, and help whenever I can.

  Pat, I couldn't agree more about not having to feel a failure because my children chose a different path than the one I set out for them. Because one of my sons left the witnesses while I was still in, I felt like a total failure, and it crushed me. Now, I am so happy he is out with me, and I feel sad about the one who is still in. But, he seems to be happy, and as long as that is so, then I am happy for him. If the time comes when he starts to get disillusioned with JWs, then I will be there to help him get out if possible.

  truman
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  patio34

  Wow, I just found two new concepts to add to my words to live by!

  Myself said:

  I am true to I am, take it or leave it. Life has more meaning now that I don't ignore things thinking that "one day Jah will take care of it", thinking that is the answer to all my problems. Now I face the problems (which are few) and I find a way resolve it, or accept it and go on.

  Truman said:

  I was always a very accepting person, but it was buried under my witness judgementalism. Now, I find so much satisfaction and freedom in being able to accept other people, their ideas, their lifestyles, and their ways as part of the interesting diversity of life. Some I can join with, some I cannot, but I can learn from it all.

  Those are such good philosophies. Thanks, both of you

  Pat
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  Introspection

  I have changed in that I have come to realize I am not my thoughts, feelings, world view, philosophy or any of that stuff. The good thing about this is you don't have to develop this over a long period of time, it can work in this moment, right now. Although it may sound like that would discount all the good stuff like being nice to people and love and all that, those things actually come from the recognition that you are not all those artificial constructs, and the genuine article can then appear. There are some people who consider this kind of stuff profound or extraordinary, but while it may be uncommon it is in fact very ordinary. It's just what is, no fancy interpretations, nothing added.
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  QUEENIE

  NOW THIS A TOUGH ONE TO ANSWER--lets see I am more out in the open in wearing religious jewely / out in the open in observig holidays at least the major ones / starting to understand more that I am a people too if this makes sense to anyone and that queenie counts too and my needs come first like brush my teeth, wait on me first (I am physically disabled and therefore I am a handful most of the time / MY sarcastic humor has gotten worse not better--I have tried to change this but to no avail and have desided to give it up and write a book and make millions of dollars off of the royalties...((((HUGS)))) AND HAVE A GREAT SUNDAY....QUEENIE
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  In_between_days

  Wow, great question and I can definately give you a genuine and very positive response.

  Deciding to never be baptised in this organisation and to leave was the best decision I ever made. I am without a doubt a 100% better person. I am so happy. I too have kept my moral standards that I once had, in fact I am far more sensible now than I ever was as a JW. Its hard to believe that I was ever that person I was a few years ago. I guess best described, the feeling of complete freedom and relief is overwhelming. I focus on my career now, and take steps to achieve goals I set. I enjoy my marriage to my new husband and keep reminding myself over and over how lucky I was to find such a wonderful man. I think about how glad I am that I made the decision to keep seeing him, even though he wasnt a JW. I am more respectful with my parents who are JW's - than I ever was. I think I have a better relationship with them more now than ever. I am generally a nicer person - less selfish and far more mature. I am currently looking into supporting charitys - World Vision is the first I am going to go for - I would have never done that as a JW!! I look forward to bringing up a NORMAl child and encouraging it to attend college - to give it all the things I was never allowed.

  I no longer suffer from depression, like I once did. I am far more patient and tolerant to everyone. Most importantly, my mind is now alot broader. I take care to question everything now, to look into everything. I sleep in on weekends. I have forgotten what nights the meetings are on. I vote. When someone sneezes, I say "Bless you". When I talk to clients I finish my conversation with a big smile and say "Merry Xmas"!! (if the season calls for it). Today I threw out the last of my JW propaganda material - the Knowledge book - it felt great.

  I guess theres that turning point in your life when you realise the organisation of Jehovahs Witnesses is just plain insignificant - it means nothing - and thats a damn good feeling!!
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  Dismembered

  I don't wear a tie as much anymore.

  Dismembered
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  waiting

  For one, I no longer view myself as a failure if my grown children dont live as they should imo. From the standpoint of evolution, there are going to be unsuccessful people or beings. If one has done the best they can to rear well-equipped offspring, the rest is up to the kids. - patio

  Ain't THAT the truth, sister!

  One HIGHLY intelligent mother once told me "You can raise your children, but you can't prophecy their outcome."

  Don't you think that was a good one? Of course you do!......YOU said it to me! Gawd, it's hard having such a smart sister, btw.

  I think my kids are reasonably successful (at least THIS year....as opposed to LAST year) - and I don't think I had that much to do with either year, btw. " When WE were their age".......we had families & many children, lousy husbands, lack of money, the JW indoctrination, etc., to deal with - our kids primarily have themselves to deal with.

  I'm very proud of my kids - but they did it themselves ---- lol, mostly in spite of their mother (or to spite her).

  You're one of the finest people I've the pleasure to meet - and your many fine friends in your Real Life and here attest to that fact.

  As for changes???????? Mostly mental & emotional..............I try really hard at the "live & let live" aspect - which is totally against the jw way of thinking. And sometimes "I fall short" on that standard - but I think it's a good one.

  waiting

  Edited by - waiting on 8 September 2002 9:45:47
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  Lin

  I was born and raised a JW and left the Org in '95 officially when I wrote a letter to the Elders telling them where they can go. Having been born and raised into it, I found myself feeling very much alone for awhile. I only have one brother who is also df'd that I communicate with, but he lives in Barcelona Spain, other than him I have no immediate family anymore, besides him and two neices and their mother. For awhile I was really hurt to be shunned by those who claim to love me, but I realized I don't have a need for conditional love. I have always been a very strong woman, and have survived child abuse, molestations, abuse at the hands of my now ex-husband, etc. I simply began doing alot of the things I was never allowed to do but really enjoy doing: Dancing in clubs, singing and recording, and finally found a wonderful man I'm marrying in May of next year. Being Df'd and shunned is something I just needed to adjust to, just like the other horrible things I've lived through. I'm doing great now, and have a vast amount of good friends, some that used to be jw's and participate in these discussion boards. The only "vice" I've taken up since leaving the Org is smoking. It's my rebellion I guess. But I'm so happy being out, I wish I'd seen the light much sooner.