Shunned - a cycle of pain and hate

by refiners fire 21 Replies latest jw friends

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  refiners fire

  Guess what?

  Shunning isnt just a dub problem, it goes on out in the" world "too. Its used as a weapon to punish and hurt people. Right now my son, 11 years old, is being shunned by the kids in the street. This has been going on for 3 months now.

  When we first moved to this address there were 2 young girls lived in the house directly opposite, and 2 more in the house next to that. We were welcomed into the street by the two respective mothers of these girls. They did the hi neighbour introduction thing and the 5 kids became quick friends. I got to admit, to a degree, I fell for those girls myself. I would happily have had any one of the four as my own daughter, and I used to LOOK FORWARD to them coming over.And We would all play on the computer. They were happy to come here because (as the 13 year old, sophisticated one, told me) "things were pretty restrictive" at home.

  Now i soon became aware that one of the mothers, well frankly, she was a bit NUTTY.First day we moved into the house, this woman comes over and introduces herself. After about 4 sentnces she says that some of the neighbours hate her and will probly come over here "SPREADING LIES ABOUT HER". I said "what kind of lies?". She says, "Lies that I beat my two kids, and lock them in the shed type of thing". My wife and I are looking at each other like....Whoa!!

  The second time she comes to my door was because Her two daughters got head lice and she came and knocked on OUR door and insisted on inspecting my sons head to establish where the girls had got the head lice from. All the while she was profusely assuring me that she was a "headlice expert" and was looking to see if my son had them so she could "help out". Shes a "headlice expert". But this wasnt so. She was on a WITCHHUNT, looking for the perpetrator.She went to every house in the court, door knocking. So I became a bit concerned about her mental state at that time. Anyway, a couple weeks later Joshua came home from their place and said hed been sent home . The mother (so he said) had been staring at him and he asked her what she was staring at, and she yelled at him and sent him home. Thats all I knew. Next thing, all 4 girls are "Not allowed here anymore".So the two mothers obviosly got together and agreed on a blanket ban between them. God knows why. Girls arent allowed here. Hes not allowed there. This is three months ago.

  This nutty bitch, for whatever reason, has hurt my son. Shes hurt ME. It hurts me those girls cant come here any more, and my son plays by himself. When the girls are outside he goes out, and they all watch each other from across the street. Its obvious they really want to play together, but the idiot mothers say no. So thats it. This goes on for a couple of months.

  Anyway, gradually the HATE starts, my sons hurt by all this (these are the only other kids in the street) and he starts being cruel to them. His cat was out in the street and one of the girls was playing with it, he rushed out of his room into the street yelling "Get your stinking hands off my cat". Why is he doing this? Well hes in reaction, hes angry and hurt, now hes looking to hurt back. This is how the hate starts. Its gonna be a street war. Cause now IM angry. Im angry these stupid bitches have deliberately hurt my kid. Yet theres been no exchange between the parents. I just know shes gonna come over here one day for something, lookin for head lice, who knows and being the overreactive ex dub idiot that I am Im gonna say something real hurtfull. I know this will happen. I rehearse what im going to say every now and then when I see my kid , alone, shunned, and hurt playing his solitary games. I want to hurt her now . The cycle of hate has begun. Sucks doesnt it??

  Edited by - refiners fire on 9 September 2002 4:27:54
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  TheOldHippie

  It does; I do not quite know if this is a "true story", or if you are writing this as some kind of a symbolized story of what is going on within certain here-not-mentioned organizations or groups, but no matter what it is, you have my full sympathy. I don't deny that shunning in some rare instances might produce some sort of "cleansing" and fresh starts, but en masse, shunning stinks. It only produces very, very hurt feelings and very toughs attempts of starting anew.
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  refiners fire

  What you think I have to make something like this up? There are so many nuts in the real world I dont need to fabricate.

  This woman across the road, she doesnt work. In summer she lies there on the banana lounge sunning herself all day. Her husband is one of those gleepy guys, looks like woody allen. Big nose, adams apple bobbing up and down. He goes to work on his motor bike at 6am every day, 6 days a week, comes home at 7pm every night. He works his butt out in a factory. The guy rolls his motor bike out of the street every morning so he doesnt disturb anyone. One night, Im in the lounge, I hear this banging. Its pouring rain and hes on the gasrage roof in the dark, pouring rain working on the roof. His woman is stood on the porch under cover supervising. A few weeks ago Im watching the guy on Sunday afternoon. Hes got the motorbike at the bottom of his drive washing it. After hes finished he goes in the house, and comes out with his bike helmet. The guy went into the house to get his HELMET so he could drive the bike 20 feet up his driveway.
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  Gopher

  With neighbors like her, who needs an enemies?

  The world has enough decent, friendly people to go around. Unfortunately none of them seem to have manifested themselves in your new neighborhood yet. Too bad for your son Joshua, for the time being. But of course he's better off without having to put up with the insanity manifested in the household that you described. He'll probably find some friends at school to fill the void.

  As far as trying to teach the nitwit lady a lesson, you're probably just wasting your breath. Save your energy for people who'll appreciate it.
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  TheOldHippie

  You are in no need to make up something like this, my friend - I just thought that perhaps there was some other underlying story as well.

  One does not know if one is to laugh or cry, and here, at the top of the world, it is just as bad:

  When we built our house, the guy who was to become our neighbour built his, too, at the same time. Our houses are built in a slope, and I am "on top of him". In the building period, things were rather messy outside, and it was raining heavily at times, so mud from our future garden slid down to his construction site, not much, but a few buckets full. So what did he do? He went to the police and reported us for letting water and soil and mud enter his ground! I pointed out to the police - and him - that during construction periods - and also later - water was rarely running uphill, but would have to run downhill, as he was below us. No way, he filed us again. After a while, I constructed a wall to prevent this rather natural event, and as I built it, he and his wife walked beside me every minute, to make sure I did not step on his ground during the carrying of stones and cement. As I once asked his wife please to remove her foot from MY property (yep, I was getting rather tense, too .....), he again filed me with the police for violent threats againsthis wife. One night, I was awakened by strange sounds. It was raining, and as I looked out of the bedroom window at 4 in the morning, there he was, throwing the small pebbles that had fallen from my property down on his, back into my garden.

  It was the 7th place he had lived for 10 years - his daughter was in the 4th grade at school and had been at 5 schools. Next year, he moved and built a new house somewhere else.

  North or South - lunatics everywhere.
• 

  Been there

  Now you may have an idea of why the last people moved.

  Have you gone over to the saner of the two ladies and had a talk to see what the problem may be? You could let her know how disturbing it is to you that the kids are starting to act out. Who knows what stories are going around over there. Need to nip it in the bud. Let her know how you and your wife and your son enjoyed the friendship of her kids. Think of some really nice things to say about them. Her pride should start showing. The crazy lady is very good at what she does. She has probably done it in the past. The sane lady must have shown some interest in your family. Got the crazy lady jealous. Crazy lady didn't want to lose a "friend". If you don't know what caused the split and defend it and stop it then you are in for years of pain from one jealous crazy lady.
• 

  refiners fire

  All comments appreciated. Maybe i should rename this the "neighbours" thread.

  Anyway, actually living next door to us is another woman,(Irene) she told me about these other two when I first moved in. She told me that she had been friendly with the crazy lady when she first moved here and they used to sit there having afternoon coffee on a regular basis. But one afternoon she was too busy to go over and next thing she knew the two mothers had stopped the 4 girls playing with her kid. She said, they just did this because crazy lady had been offended on one occasion. And that her kid was being shunned by the other kids at the mothers behest. The kids were being used as a weapon to hurt Irene (the woman next door)Well, naturally, I thought Irene, was nuts when she told me this. But shes turned out to be the sanest of the bunch.Her words were prophetic. She seems to think its actually happening because My wife and I talk to Irene and are moderately friendly with her.

  Been there.

  With regard to the second mother, Ive never spoken to her. However, I have been over and knocked on the door on no less than three occassions about various things. Now I know theyve got 2 cars, and the cars were there, but noone answered the door. I find it all MOST PASSING STRANGE....

  Edited by - refiners fire on 9 September 2002 5:25:57
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  Been there

  Well, that's a fine mess you've gotten yourself into, RF.

  This happens all over. I once had a neighbour like that. Told all the neighbours my kids were eating food out of a dumpster, among many other things. Whaaaaaaaaat? She was a sick puppy. It was because she was friends with my neighbour, and so was I. She could not stand that, the jealousy was eating her up. I'm so sorry that kids have to suffer because of parents. There are two families on my street that I have'nt spoken to in 15 yrs. Yes, I have shunned them. I will continue to until they apoligize. Which they won't. They probably don't even remember. But I do............We just agree to avoid each other. The kids are long gone. I feel bad for your son, not having a clue what adults can be like, and using kids as pawns. Good Luck, RF.

  Edited by - Been There on 9 September 2002 6:14:23
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  mommy1

  My neighbor accross the street from me is a "born again christian" she has that I am so good attitude, when I first met her one of the first things she said was what church do you go to? I said no church and she invited me to hers. I said no thank you and two years later she still "shuns" me.

  Her little daughter used to play with my daughter and then all of the sudden she says her daughter is too old to play with my daughter. The daughter didn't say this the mom did.
• 

  ugg

  sounds to me like you are in the middle of a "fruit basket"!!! i would try and move away from there...

  it will be "hell" for years to come....your son,could be in trouble later with them...who knows,,maybe

  they would make some terrible accusations against him,,,as he get older...also,,,he is being

  harmed,,,,mentally,,,,no guarantee's that a move would be better,,,but i think it would be worth

  the try....you get one chance with your kids,,,do what ever it takes to make their life enjoyable...

  i would try real real hard to get out of that neighborhood.....(just my 2 cents worth)