Shunned - a cycle of pain and hate (page 2)

Granny Linda

I'm not proud of the story I'm about to relate, but there was a great learning lesson in it for me.

I used to go around telling everyone how I hated children...sad, I know. One day while driving to work this "vision" so clear and articulate (reminded me of how Newton might have looked) seen from quote, the "third eye," and spoken in a very calm, loving manner, "do not talk like that." Hey, that got my attention, but not in a scary way.

What I was forced to accept was my dislike for most parents. Or at least too many parents I'd been witness to. Their emotional and oft times physical abuse of their children sickened me. It was never the children I hated...it was the way parents poison their innocence. To this day I have little respect for most parents I encounter.

Having been one of the emotionally unstable parent myself, I'm eternally grateful that today my son and I have a good relationship. And I preach the "love the children no matter what" mantra all the time. Adults...it ain't just religious abuse that creates low self esteem, obviously. My gosh, just thinking about some of the parents I know of makes me angry. What the hell do some of these parents think their behavior will produce?

Today I'm a softy for kids. Oh, I believe in discipline for sure, but what would I do if I had unlimited wealth...? Hubby and I would buy alot of acreage and bring those unloved, often unwanted children to a place of unconditinal love and time out from neurotic, abusive parents that need too deal with their personal issues. Issues that probably arose from their childhood.

I don't care how many years my mom has spent in the wonderful company of JW's...at age 50 she told me she never felt loved by her parents....and I knew then I didn't want to get old like she had. Self esteem issues can still haunt me, but at least today I'm aware, and have "tools" that can be used when necessary.

Granny...who is so glad something got through and altered my negative thinking and speech regarding our precious children.

plmkrzy

"headlice expert".

First of all, (((((RF & Son)))))

Not only do I believe it but I got one kinda like that, it might make you laugh a bit and take the edge off for a little while.

One of my ex friends (who just happens to be a dub) but anyway she is a self professed "Crab Expert"

Yes...A "Crab Expert" She told me so. What happened was, during our friendship we were spending a lot of time in each others company. We exercised together everyday. I broke out with what I thought were bites from mosquitoes or something. It was driving me crazy. Couldn't get rid of the bites. Scratching, itching, etc. She told me she new exactly what was wrong, that in her expert opinion I had "crabs"

I say, "How the hell could I have crabs?" "I don't even have sex!"

She said, "Oh, you don't have to have sex to get them" "I gave them to my son several times"

I said, "Well, I've never seen a crab but I can conclude that I don't have them"!

She said, "Thats what I thought the first time I got them" "I'm telling you thats what you have!"

Some time passes and my skin condition is getting worse. I went to a dermatologist who gave me something for skin allergies. Said I was probably allergic to something.

The problem only worsened and I stopped going to the meetings because I was breaking out so bad and it was becoming a bit traumatic.

When she was asked at the Kingdom Hall where I was she replied "She has crabs and doesn't want to spread it to the congregation".

I got a couple of phone calls needless to say.

I finally went to another doctor who referred me to a specialist who said it was "Nerves" causing it. Was there anything or anyone in my life who was causing me to be anxious and or upset?

OH YAH! As a matter of fact there is!

LOL

She is no longer my friend and my rash cleared up.

Hope this helps brighten your day a bit I can now look back on it and LMAO! But at the time it was horrible. I know it isnt quite the same cause you still have to look across the street. I dont have to see her anymore.

I hope you soon get some better neighbors and friends for your son to play with.

And I dont blame him for not wanting his cat to associate with them and they will hopefully understand his feelings are hurt. They are getting old enough.

HUGS

plum

LovesDubs

Refiners Love...this is why God created the Play Date :) You cant pick your neighbors and you cant pick your nose...and you definitely cant pick your neighbors nose...well anyway. Im hoping you have access to other kids. Parks, recreation like baseball or soccer. Get him out get him away so he cant see them. If he is occupied with other things and kids, they will fall to meaninglessness and he wont feel like he is being punished for something he didnt do. Let him know that mom and dad cant always "fix" things, and that sometimes its just better to move on than try to manipulate a bad situation. This will only recur with this schizo..I guarantee it. She will find something else to ban him for and will rather enjoy the hurt she brings on him. Best for all of you to avoid them. I would NOT want my kids in her home where I couldnt SEE them!

Every neighborhood has this type...no point in you moving again you know?

Europe

R F:

Have you gone over to the saner of the two ladies and had a talk to see what the problem may be? You could let her know how disturbing it is to you that the kids are starting to act out.

I was just thinking the same!! And if this lady indeed turns out to be a schizo then you can at least explain to your son that it is no good in going over there any longer as the shunning will happen again and that you dont want him to get hurt by that!

Beck_Melbourne

Refiners Love <<<<< borrowed from LovesDub cos I like it......its obvious as the nose on your face that the Nutto lady has done a bit of gossiping behind yer back to the other saner lady, the one with 2 cars. So it seems to me, according the evidence before us, that the Nutto lady is using the kids (her girl and saner ladies girl) to hurt you and your son because you or yours have displeased her in some way. It is consequently hurting Joshua...I don't like this at all.

This means you must protect your son of course. You need to find him some 'new' friends. Tell him to invite friends home from school....and tell him to play OUTSIDE....that'll fix their little red wagons. The main person here is Joshua....he's hurt because his friends mothers are a bit on the wacko side....so change friends...simple! He'll be so distracted that he'll forget all about the girls....and also he'll appear to so well adjusted to the split up that the other girls will want to come back over to play....it'll be just a matter of time and they will be begging their mothers to let them come over again....I was a girl once....and I had a Nutto for a mother LOL.

Another suggestion: bring Joshua over here to play with my kids....their mother isn't a Nutto (well, sort of )

Beck

imanaliento

wow, you guys make my world look sane.

about the only thing you can do is move. I know one shouldn't have to buttttttttttttt.

or look at it this way: lots of lessons to be learned.

Xandria

From the moment the umbilical cord is cut, children begin those first steps towards independence. While most parents would agree that they want to see their children grow into well adjusted and self-sufficient adults, just as many would admit that letting go is hard to do. Barbara Burrill of Positive Parenting believes the reason for this is because it leaves parents with a sense of loss. "There's no more pleasing love than that of a preschooler who relies so much on the security of the home for his own feelings of safety. As they grow up, bit-by-bit they relinquish that and bit-by-bit parents feel a sense of loss. The whole process of growing up is kids pushing to be let go and parents struggling to determine when is it right to let them go."

If you're having a great deal of difficulty in letting your child become more independent, you may want to ask yourself if you're being over-protective. Parenting instructor Mary Gordon says "a good gauge of knowing if you're being over-protective or being fair is by asking yourself what are the other kids doing, how are they handling it, is my child like the other children or not? If my child isn't like the others, how can I help my child to be ready to do things the other children are doing? We don't do our children a favor by holding them back if they are ready. We do them a favor to make them ready."

Gordon adds "sometimes you can get a good balance of how you're assessing things by talking to the child's teacher and finding out what kinds of freedoms others have or that the teacher sees as appropriate. This will give you a range of what is typically expected behavior of that age group. Over-riding this is the child's temperament. For example a child with a nervous temperament may not be ready to do something for a year after the child's age mates are ready."

Letting go is hard to do. But helping our children find independence in an age appropriate manner will, in the long run, help them grow into independent adults just as nature intended.

Parents that control are harming their children much more than they think. There is a difference between protecting them and over protecting them. An a difference of controlling every breath they freaking take !!

My mother was a mixture of overprotective and CONTROL MONSTER!!!. The mother you described could of easily been mine. She is very mentally unstable and needs to get help. This enviroment is not the best for the children and it is abusive.

Xandria

plmkrzy

Gordon adds

Gordon's an idiot. Children are not ducks.

Beck_Melbourne

Hey Refiners...just a thought...did Joshua put his head on any of our pillows??

Just kidding of course...but you know how particular I am with my hair LOL.

Beck

refiners fire

Hey Beck, is that the same hair that you use to FLOSS!? (ewwww)

Shunned - a cycle of pain and hate

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