Non-JW wanting to Date a JW....some advice?

Radium

Ok here is my situation, I met this girl that is a JW....she is not that heavily into her religion but we talked for a long time face to face and she is very hesitant on attempting to start a relationship. So I have been researching for the past couple of days to undersatnd her religion and see if there is anything that I could use to dissuade her from saying no. So last night we talked about the ifs, and buts, and such stuff like that. Now her parents arent into their reputation being hurt, because of what happened to her sister. Her sis and her now husband(Both JW's) were with each other but they had sex before they got married. This of course was bad and both families were torn. Now her family doesnt really care about their reputation because of what happened in the past. Now thie girl(the one I like very much) is still living at home, but wants to move out and she wants to go to College. Does this sound like someone that is very much into her reilgion??? She told me she is but kinda shrugged her shoulders a bit. I am catholic(I know I know) but I dont believe in the catholic ways nor do I practice catholisicm(I think thats how u spell it). SO last night, I asked her to do something that hasnt happened in her household thus far. To date she had been sneaking behind her parents back to go out with this guy and that guy, but I suggested to her that she tell her parents that she is interested in dating someone that is outside of the religion and wants to get their approval to do so. Do any of you think there is hope for me at all????

I am hoping her parents can see through the religous part and maybe say this is a good kid, and since my daughter has come to me and shown me that she cares about what we think, well let her date him. Is this a plauseable situation?
She also told me that she hasnt eaten good since Saturday. We did kiss, and it was nice, but she told me that she got kinda stressed about it afterward, though she liked it and she wanted to kiss me. What does this say also?

Any help on how I can get around this would help immensly. I dont want to count myself out(though I dont feel any hope).

Thanks

outcast

Run....Run as fast as you can...there are so many girls out there.......not with the morals of a witness girl of course, stay at home, make hamburger helper for dinner...beat the kids if they even think of a birthday or <gasp> any other Holiday.....but love will see you through it all..........if you love HER enough

She wont leave the organization, you will lose your mind, and she will blame you.

144001

Succinct advice: Don't.

truthseeker1

Don't date a dub.

I Tried, got sucked in and 5 years later ended up right where I left off, only 5 years older. I loved her but she will always choose her religion over you, and they will tell her not to be with you unless you are a dub. HUGE friction. too many other people out there to get messed up in that situation.

truthseeker1

Ok, I read your post and it is exactly how my situation stared. Her older sister married a person because she got knocked up (he isn't a dub tho). My ex started to date me. Dad threw a crap-fit. Forbid us to see. I realy liked her so I looked into the religion. Didn't really count the consequences and I really wanted to be with her. so I started studying and got duped into being one, hoping I can just go through the motions and still be with her. We got married and things really started to bother me about being in the borg (JW). I was accepted by her family ONLY AFTER I WAS BAPTIZED. Her dad HATED when I wasn't a DUB, Loved me when I was, now refuses to say hi to me when I see him at the store. In the real, normal world I wouldn't say all families are like that but Dubism isn't the real world. They are TOLD what to do and how to handle situations, so this will PROBABLY happen to you if you presue it. It really isn't their choice, they are kinda brainwashed into what to think. Conditioned really. They go through scenarios on how to handle situations. Have books on what to say and when. They are trained to all do the same thing. BE CAREFUL!

mamashel

RUN, RUN, RUN LIKE THE WIND!!!!!!!! And I am not kidding. First of all, if the elders at her congregation find out, she will be shunned and possibly disfellowshipped, which means no one will even as musch as speak to or look at her. I dated a man that was a jw and we ended up getting married and I converted to that religion for almost 10 years. It was a long hard road, believe me. If you do not have the same beliefs, you better back off fast. That is the most controlling religious organization in the entire world. RUN RUN RUN.

Oh by the way, we are still married but do not go to the kingdom hall any more. But not everyone is that lucky. (by the way, she knows what she is doing is wrong in their eyes)

mamashel

City Fan

Well a worldly girl started to date me - and it was the catalyst that made me finally leave the religion. It opened the door to her friends, then friends of my own and finally not having to depend on the JW's for my social life.

A huge number of JW's stay in the religion, even though they think it's rubbish, because they have no friends or support structure outside of it.

I'd say give it a go - but it will be a lot more difficult than you think. And make sure you don't get drawn into all that JW rubbish!!

But at the first sign of her putting the religion before you then run !!

Have fun.

detective

The vast majority of these situations seem to end in disaster. However, there will always be a few exceptions. Either way, you are likely in for SUBSTANTIAL heartache even if your situation manages to be one of the rare success stories. This girl is part of a destructive cult. Now, it seems like a religion to her so you may not want to start shouting "cult member! cult member!" at her. And even though some will disagree about whether or not it is a "cult", it certainly falls under the category of high-control group at the very least. For example, it probably feels normal to her to have to answer to irrelevent people for things like who she befriends, what she reads, what she wears or what medical procedures she can or cannot have. But, for those of us who have not been raised in a highly structured, overly-regulated lifestyle, it's incredibly foreign.
I'd suggest you go to your local library and look for books by Steven Hassan like "combatting Mind Control" and Releasing the Bonds: empowering people to think for themselves". While you will get a substantial amount of information here about policies and doctrines, it will be of little use to you if you cannot find a way to foster good communication.
It's impossible to tell if your situation will turn out well or not. If it's early enough for you to break away, you might want to consider that a sad but necessary option. Otherwise, be prepared for quite alot of difficulties in your relationship. Know that it will not be an easy road and weigh whether or not you, at a young age, are prepared to put so much effort into a situation that WILL drain you even if the outcome is positive.

Good luck.

Radium

Well I hear what you are all saying....the only that gets me is that I honestly have a way of doing things just out of spite and not really concentrating on what is really going on. IF that makes sense...which to me it kinda doesnt...but whatever...basically what I am saying is that I would liek to be with this girl. Period. And I know that when there is a choice to be made...most likely she will choose her family over me...which I respect.

Do any of you think that there parents might think a bit different if they were to meet em and talk to me???

Radium

Another question, what kinds of things are JW's forbid to do??? Such as smoking and stuff like that?? Tattoos???Piercings other than the ear??

Can someone shed a little light onto me.

She is wanting to get a belly button ring very soon....does this shed any light on how deep she is in the religion???

If you can shed some light.that would be great.

Thanks

Non-JW wanting to Date a JW....some advice?

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