Burning Bridges--a Bad, bad habit.

by LDH 31 Replies latest jw friends

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  LDH

  One of the most important lesson an XJW needs to learn is HOW NOT TO BURN BRIDGES.

  What exactly does it mean to "burn a bridge" in the first place?

  Well, consider if you crossed a wide chasm suspended on a rope bridge and decided you would NEVER need to go back. Why not burn it? You'll never need it again, right?

  Consider the fact: this is what most JWs and even XJWs do with relationships. The dogmatic way that JWs have been taught to think, speak and feel causes them to isolate themselves. This is a carefully crafted technique of cults, meant to socially isolate their members.

  Think of Joanna's thread last week:

  http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/forum/thread.aspx?id=36087&site=3

  In this thread, Joanna told of a situation where someone HAD CLEARLY done something morally and ethically wrong. This particular someone had the ability to make her life a living hell. On this forum and on the other, many intelligent people advised her to let this person know in NO UNCERTAIN TERMS that they were wrong and were being held accountable.

  THIS IS THE JW WAY of dealing with things. Everything is black/white. WRONG!!!!

  The correct, 'worldy' way to deal with this situation is to try to MAKE A WIN -WIN SITUATION for both parties involved. You must allow the other party a gracious exit from the situation.

  You never know when people will come back into your life. In Joanna's thread, the wrongdoer is someone who *could* be in a situation to help her in the future. What if she had been a real ass (as she was entitled to be) to this person? Do you think in the future that person would EVER assist her???

  If you damage relationships and burn bridges, business or personal, you are screwed!!!! This is one of the hardest lessons for JW and XJW to learn. I have watched over and over as JW/XJWs have closed all doors and burnt all bridges behind them.

  You must RETHINK your actions. You WILL need to re-cross that bridge, and you never know when or where.

  Lisa

  Politically Savvy Class
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  alliwannadoislive

  hey - in line with my own philosophy - 'when you lose small mind you free your life' (system of a down) nice post LDH
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  bay64me

  I enjoyed your post and agree with you.
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  teenyuck

  Good post, Lisa...you are on a roll lately!
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  bigboi

  Lisa:

  Thou speakest the truth.

  I think JW's already attract the naturally introverted. So it's relatively easy for ppl of that sort to burn bridges, as dealing with ppl is already a bit of a chore. The mindset gives a person an excuse not to interact with folk, except on one's own terms. Which is what I think introverts look for anyway. Namely, a situation where they feel as though they have control and where they can avoid potential embarassment, discomfort or rejection.
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  xenawarrior

  The mindset gives a person an excuse not to interact with folk, except on one's own terms. Which is what I think introverts look for anyway. Namely, a situation where they feel as though they have control and where they can avoid potential embarassment, discomfort or rejection.

  Very well said BB!!! And such a sad piece of shrapnel to carry on into the rest of life after JW.

  XW
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  LDH

  TeenYuck....I am????

  (((batting eyelashes)))

  I find that most JW/XJW can win the battle, but they almost always lose the war.

  BB that's an interesting philosophy and would also explain all the irrational JWs. As I used to say, most of the elders I know love the power trip they're on at the hall because in the real world, they are NOTHINGS.

  I remember a comment from then DO Joe Scaglione. He said the JWs attract "fringe lunatics." That shoulda been my warning.

  Lisa
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  Beck_Melbourne

  Whoa!! I can't believe that happened to Joanna...I hate it when someone double crosses you and treats you like a fool, I hate it even more when they get away with it.

  I agree with the copyright practice, it will protect your work and ideas in the future...and treat the first situation as a lesson in life.

  The 'don't burn your bridges' theory I agree with 100%. We may think we don't need to go back over that bridge, but there are too many "what if's" in life, you can never be certain. Our reactions to being 'wronged' could make the difference later on down the track, we should be picky and choosey when it comes to conflicting reactions, and ask ourselves 'do I need to do business with this person again??'

  I might ask, when is it okay to burn a bridge?? After you have been 'wronged' more than once, twice, thrice?? What are your thoughts on this??

  Beck
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  DannyBear

  Lisa,

  It is so true. Especially those raised in the cult. Just the flag salute issue alone, makes a small child develop a 'crusty thick skin' to resist the torment of fellow students.

  Unfortuneately the flag is only the first of many 'attention everyone, look at me' Iam weird issues that face every jw. Sports, school dances, college, dating, blood, military service, door to door, dress codes, the list is endless. The jw find him/herself very defensive about practically everything.

  If you (jw) were fortunate enough to have a LDH personality, you coped far better than most. In other words you shined it all on.

  The reality is the majority of jw's, bark back when accosted for their anti-social behaviours. Thus it is very easy to 'burn all kinds of bridges'. It's almost an automatic response system. Cricism in any form, religious or social is almost an immediate trigger, for 'IAM RIGHT YOUR WRONG'.

  All of us ex's carry these scars of past humiliation. It is no wonder we are so touchy. It is the reason we see so many flames, burning of bridges...........exhibited here on jw.com and other ex sites.

  Danny
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  jack2

  Good points Lisa!