Honestly, what would you do?

by Tinkerbell4125 26 Replies latest social relationships

  • Tinkerbell4125
    Tinkerbell4125

    Many of you know, I have siblins that are j.w.s and some that are not. Since I disassociated myself, I am shunned by my j.w.siblins. My non-jw siblins and my j.w. siblins associate with each other, and sometimes this puts me in a awkward position. Sometimes I feel I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place.

    My question to you is......In the future would you put yourself in a situation where you would be shunned? I realize many of you will say, simple ignore them and do what you want, but it doesn't change the fact that it's very hurtful to me. I feel this is very abusive behavior. In the future, I'll be invited to many non witness family events, such as weddings, ballgames, ect, and my witness family will be there also and I'll be shunned *again*. Should I continue to put myself in a position where I would be exposed to that? Should it matter that it may hurt a non witness family if I declined to come to their childrens wedding or school event? Reason being that I might be shunned by j.w. family members? Do you think my non j.w siblins would understand? I understand that this could be a personal decision, but I'm wondering what the healthest decision would be. Wouldn't it be healthier on my part to not involve myself where I would be shunned, even though I would miss out on a wedding or something else? Like any abuse, wouldn't it be better to stay clear of it? Are the answers to these questions, quiet simple? Are any of you in a simular situation and how do you feel about it? What do you do and how do you deal with it?

    Tink =:o)

    p.s. Thank-you for all the replies on hubby's post concerning my health, but I'm fine. I'll probably be having surgury next week to have my gallblatter removed, but I'm sure things will be okay. Thank you for your love and concern.

  • nilfun
    nilfun

    Wow, the situation sounds so stressful and unfair. I wonder if your JW siblings would get a sense of satifaction that their shunning has caused you to be absent from even non-JW family events? The practice of shunning is so destructive, it seems to be about destroying the family, this abuse is so bad it has put you in the position of possibly depriving your non-JW family of your company. Maybe it is the JW family that should be excluded from family functions, not you, since THEY are the ones that are forcing this issue? Your non-JW family obviously still wants you there, maybe when you show up it will really highlight how unloving the shunning really is? But like you say, there are no simple answers to this, and you have to think about your emotional well-being above all else. Be kind to yourself and take care

  • Tinkerbell4125
    Tinkerbell4125

    Nilfun, thanks for your input, but I honestly don't see my family changing. I feel we are all at the age where we are set in our ways, we're not gonna change now! It's a matter where I decide to go to events where I'll be shunned choose not to go. What would you do? I know others here are experiencing the same thing here.

    I know there will come a time when one of my non j.w. siblins wil be planning a big wedding or something else and I'll have to make the choice, weather to go or not. My intentions are not to hurt anyones feelings, but I feel that will be the case.

    What do you and others do in this situation? Please guys, give me some advice here?

  • LyinEyes
    LyinEyes

    Tinkerbell, I couldnt even begin to tell ya what to do. I can tell ya what I am going to do. This year I plan on making the big family reunion on my daddy's side . They are are catholic and welcome everyone with open arms . My dad sometimes shows up , even thou this is usually on thanksgiving day, we always did when I was a kid. He even said the prayer. He always used the excuse that it was ok to go , since that was the only time his 10 bro and sis were all together. Which was true. But onlookers would think we were having Thanksgiving just like them. I didnt care. I loved my cousins and had a blast.

    My sister who is also D/a are the only ones in the big family , and they all know it and could care less. In fact they are glad we are happy and have even said they will love us like family no matter what. So if dad and his wife show up, with my half sister,,,,,,,,,,, they will be ignored by me, I will do the shunning that day. I am sure he will leave. Ihope he does anyway and it will make him look like the fool he is and what a hypocritical unloving father he is.

    I will not stay away in fear he will show up. I will go to the funerals and wedding too.

    But my family is not devided in this, my dad is the only JW and they think something is seriously wrong with him to forget his two daughters.

    I would not make up mind on what to do , until the situation presents itself. If it is the wedding of a niece or nephew you are especially close to , I would do what felt best for me. These are once in a life time events, most of the time. I would just keep in mind that no matter what happens, I would hold my head up high and if someone got in my face, I would just take the high road and maintain my dignity and respect of the persons special day. And never forget, we love you and don't let them take your self respect away. You are a special person, a family member and they are sinning for treating you like you are dead. Remember they will have to answer for that one day.

  • DakotaRed
    DakotaRed

    Tink, sorry for your dilemna. Fortunately, I don't have any JW family, so I don't have to deal with any of this. But if I did, I would associate freely and treat the JWs as kindly as possible. Let them leave and explain why to the non-JWs and show how loving they really are.

    It's sad that a printing corporation can take such control and precedence over ones own family.

    Lew

  • garybuss
    garybuss


    I don't go anywhere I am uncomfortable. I shun the shunners and avoid commingling with them. They are not good association. Relatives can choose them or me. It's up to them. If I experience shunning by them I tend to be confrontational and endeavor to embarrass them. I get right in their face and sit where they are trying to eat.

    I have contempt for them and I refuse to respect them or their behavior.

    gb


  • Tinkerbell4125
    Tinkerbell4125

    DekodaRed, with all due respect, I can see how you can say that you would go to events and leave it to them to explain, but until you've been on this end, I'm not really sure you know what you would do. I wish it was that easy. It hurts me deeply when they shun me. It's not even that I'd want to associate with them, it's just the power they seem to get when they do it. I simple don't want to be a part of it anymore. Now the idea of being around Jehovah's Witnesses makes me cringe.

    Surly to goodness, there is someone out there that finds themself in my situation!

  • Shutterbug
    Shutterbug

    Tink,

    I'm going to attempt to put a different slant on this than some of the others.

    1. You have done nothing wrong

    2. I am a firm believer that the rules should apply to everyone equally.

    3. If they should refuse to speak to you, so be it, don't speak to them. This will make them somewhat uncomfortable but they are the ones who started this nonsense.

    4. Go and give everyone your beautiful smile and show them how happy you are.

    5. Remember, you can't do a whole lot about their behavior, but it is their actions that will be viewed as odd and silly, not yours. Bill

    Wishing you the best on your upcoming surgery. If they poke holes in you, as they did in me, it really isn't all that bad. The worst part was when the older nurse was instructing the younger one on the proper proceedure for pulling a cathether out of a male, me. Wish they had used someone else as a training device.

  • Swan
    Swan

    Dear Tinkerbell,

    I haven't a clue what to tell you. I just didn't see any other way out at the time, and I wanted out. If I had it to do over again, it probably would have worked out the same for me. It is very hard. I've been shunned by JW and nonJW family both, since as JWs we were very separated from the nonJW family both by distance and by the "bad association" thing, so there were never any strong relationships forged there.

    As for reunions, weddings, etc., if I were you, I would just show up anyway. Be very cordial to all of your relatives, and if the JW ones shun you, that's up to them. That would give a fine witness to the nonJWs now wouldn't it? You can have some satisfaction in that at least.

    Tammy

  • Tinkerbell4125
    Tinkerbell4125

    Gary, that is how I'm beginning to feel. I use to show up with a smile on my face and act as if nothing was wrong, but it literlly makes me sick. Even when I spoke, they act as if it takes all their effort to respond back. I've tryed to kill them with kindness, only making me want to kill, just not with kindness!

    Wow, I never thought of them picking me or them. I don't see that happening. I'm sure of the response. Everyone would be invited and we would have to deal with it!

    I've really put a kink in things since I've gotten involved in the Silentlambs. Even my non jw siblins don't want to have any involvment in it. They still think it's the truth, bla bla bla. and don't want anything to do with Silentlambs. You're right Gary, why would I even want to be where j.w's are in the first place!

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