by diane401 29 Replies latest social relationships
Becoming emotionally attached and dependent on a person... Sharing your hearts... but then not sharing with the person a loving physical relationship is cruel.
Just as a woman needs emotion... a man needs to be touched. For a woman to demand the emotion, but not give the man the loving touch of a woman is cruel and selfish. If a woman has no intentions of fulfilling a man's needs, she has no business demanding that he fulfill her needs. That is greedy and selfish.
Another thing that women have done to me all my life is come to me wanting to cry on my shoulder because of the way some jerk asshole guy treated her. They come to me because they see me as such a "nice guy" who is "safe".
After I use a great deal of my time and energy giving them the comfort and support they need, what do they do? They go right back the same asshole who upset them and do it allll over again.
I'm sorry, but I have gotten SICK of that.
I get pissed off just thinking about it.
Women who are available want nothing to do with me romantically. They just see me as a "nice guy" who can make them feel better so they can go back to the jerks and assholes who treat them like shit... Leaving me alone with no one.
THAT is emotional rape.
-Elsewhere (of the "madder than a hosed hornet" class)
Edited by - Elsewhere on 24 September 2002 1:41:35
I'm sorry Elsewhere, but what you describe is NOT rape in any way, shape or form.
What you describe is feeling used, manipulated and tossed off. That is NOT rape.
People who feel used often do so because they know that they, in some way, participated in the situation that allowed them to feel used. I'm not saying they deserved to be used, but rather, they offered up something- usually trust or vulnerability- that allowed their manipulator to "use" them. It isn't their fault that they were taken advantage of, it's just that the lingering feeling of being manipulated is often linked to a shame reaction as well. Participants know that they, even in a small way probably facilitated an unfortunate event. They aren't necessarily bad or wrong because of it, but they willingly participate to some degree. I don't doubt that what you feel is very powerful. However, what you feel is not related to rape and using such terminology ends up being highly insulting and unintentionally insensitive.
You had something a rape victim does not have- choice. And that is a very significant difference.
I sat here wondering if I should even bother writing back to you. I've actually heard similiar sentiments expressed before and I always find it extremely disturbing. I realize that you are lucky enough to NOT understand the difference. I don't doubt that you have pain. However, I'd appreciate it more if you would not bandy about words that indicate an experience you know little about- especially after reading your definition of "emotional rape". And I find it particularly infuriating- so maintaining some semblence of self control has been hard here. There many additional things I'd love to say, but I am trying to use a little restraint myself...
People who feel used often do so because they know that they, in some way, participated in the situation that allowed them to feel used. I'm not saying they deserved to be used, but rather, they offered up something- usually trust or vulnerability- that allowed their manipulator to "use" them. It isn't their fault that they were taken advantage of, it's just that the lingering feeling of being manipulated is often linked to a shame reaction as well. Participants know that they, even in a small way probably facilitated an unfortunate event. They aren't necessarily bad or wrong because of it, but they willingly participate to some degree. I don't doubt that what you feel is very powerful. However, what you feel is not related to rape and using such terminology ends up being highly insulting and unintentionally insensitive.
Translation:
"Come on babe, you know you wanted it. Look how you dressed."
Edited by - Elsewhere on 24 September 2002 12:9:4
You have REALLY struck a nerve in me.
You have NO idea of the EMOTIONAL pain I have experienced in my life.
Do not mock my pain.
I was emotionally raped.
Edited by - Elsewhere on 24 September 2002 12:6:1
Incorrect, elsewhere. Mock your pain??? Because throwing around the word "rape" when you mean something else doesn't make a mockery of victims everywhere?
I've tried to do everything but mock your pain! But why hold back at this point? You are so deeply immersed in your pain that you can't see the difference in your experience and the traumatic victimization that goes along with ACTUAL rape.
I will be honest with you. I read your story and I tried to feel your pain. I tried. Unfortunately, I find it very hard to listen to someone who clearly is attempting to play on an emotionally charged word. But you are doing so unfairly, and I think it's an insult to the survivors who really have been raped.
I tried not to doubt your pain. But, now, I feel like you have no regard for the seriousness of your words. And the fact that you are attempting to twist something around so that you can play every angle of "rape" victim is downright revolting.
I didn't say you didn't have bad experiences. Nor did I say that your bad experiences are something you deserved, only that you undoubtedly played a part in the scenario. Unless you'd like to deny that you couldn't tell these women to go away or to excuse yourself- you obviously had some degree of control over the scenario. You had CHOICES. Something which rape victims do not have.
Its almost be comical of you to try twisting that "she deserved it" sh-t around with me as you did above. That's a handy way to play on emotions. It's just not at all relevent to you or your situation. How dare you liken yourself to a rape victim? I didn't deny your freaking pain, but now I sure will.
You cared for somebody. You let them cry on your shoulder. Well, good for you! That's a nice quality. Except... you expected something in return. You expected sex. And you didn't get it. And now you have the audacity to call that rape? Well, if it's any comfort, I know lots of people who have similiarly been raped- as per your definition listed above.
My opinion...it's not even in the same neighborhood as rape. But that aside, perhaps you can explain to any women you meet from now on that you expect sex if they want to cry on your shoulder! Tell them that up front. I suspect it will greatly reduce how often you get "raped" by these women. And with the free time that you will undoubtedly have after you explain the sex to problem-listening ratio, you can spend a little time with researching what actual rape victims experience. Perhaps then it might be a little clearer why someone might take exception with your incredibly poor use of terminology.
Edited by - detective on 24 September 2002 13:14:39
You cared for somebody. You let them cry on your shoulder. Well, good for you! That's a nice quality. Except... you expected something in return. You expected sex. And you didn't get it. And now you have the audacity to call that rape? Well, if it's any comfort, I know lots of people who have similiarly been raped- as per your definition listed above.
You think that is what this is all about??????????????
SEX???????????????
All my life I have given. I always give without asking, or expecting anything in return. I constantly give. All my life. But never ONCE has an avaliable woman really wanted me. Never. Sure, I've had sex... but I have never had a woman make love to me... truely make love to me.
I'm sorry for being so selfish as to need and want love without being used and tossed to the side. I see now how it was a terrible thing for me to want uncondional love from a woman. You have opened my eyes. It was a mistake for me to think that this is something everyone is entitled to have. I'm obviously not one of those people who deserve such love.
A woman's rape lasts a few minutes... mine has lasted 30 years.
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Elsewhere)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
I am sorry you have been hurt.
XW
All my life I have given. I always give without asking, or expecting anything in return. I constantly give. All my life. But never ONCE has an avaliable woman really wanted me. Never. Sure, I've had sex... but I have never had a woman make love to me... truely make love to me.I'm sorry for being so selfish as to need and want love without being used and tossed to the side. I see now how it was a terrible thing for me to want uncondional love from a woman. You have opened my eyes. It was a mistake for me to think that this is something everyone is entitled to have. I'm obviously not one of those people who deserve such love.
This is sad. It is, however, not rape.
A woman's rape lasts a few minutes... mine has lasted 30 years.
Then I read shit like this and any ounce of compassion I feel for you disappears. That statement makes me ill.
Edited by - detective on 24 September 2002 13:19:23
