by diane401 29 Replies latest social relationships
It is becoming obvious to me that you only understand the physical... you have no concept of the emotional.
You can only see the possibility of a physical rape... in your mind an emotional rape is impossible.
Edited by - Elsewhere on 24 September 2002 13:33:1
Well, I didn't want to get involved in this discussion, and I still don't, but this statement by Elsewhere
A woman's rape lasts a few minutes... mine has lasted 30 years
did get my attention.
Else, you've obviously been very hurt, but I must say that I would like to believe that such a statement is something that you (hopefully) regret making. I don't have to even say why - I think it's very obvious.
A rape has two components:
The Physical and the Emotional.
When a woman is raped, the physical aspect lasts a few minutes... but the emotional scars remain for years, if not for the rest of her life.
The only difference between what has happened to me is I am lacking the physical aspect. This in no way eliminates the more profound emotional injury.
I'm appalled that people can not see this.
Elsewhere:
It's obvious that you have been severely hurt by someone using you as an emotional crutch; however, this kind of friendship is not *real* friendship, since it is based on fraud. Someone pretending to be your friend to dry you up emotionally, and then getting what they want and leaving. I can understand how angry you could be about that. But real friendship, between two mature adults, is *not* like that. There is give *and* take. When one party realizes that they are giving way too much, then the friendship is usually that of a vampire and victim. It is our own responsibility to recognize when friendships have crossed the line over to emotional vampirism. It is up to us to own up to our part in it.
You participated in the fraud because you offered a "friendly" shoulder, hoping that the available woman would get with you when she saw how encouraging and supportive you were. You had covert intentions, not as a true friend, but as someone who hoped through emotional 24/7 availability you could win her heart over. True friends help other friends not expecting some kind of consideration in return. However, when the time comes, it can be demonstrated in a TRUE friendship that our friend will be there for us. We don't want to be emotional vampires because we value the boundaries of friendship, and don't want to step over them, but we cna still rely on this person to help us through hard times, because we would do the same with them. In other words, it's a mutual give and take.
Usually when someone is in trouble in the love department, they are eager to pour out their hearts to any that will listen. I imagine that you showed that vulnerability by being the person's friend and offering that love and encouragement. The problem is: you probably went too far and let the person trample all over your feelings! I am sorry that happened to you. How this is comparable to rape, I don't know. Rape is a violent, filthy and despicable crime committed against an individual with malicious intent, rage, and dominance. It doesn't sound like these women were being particularly malicious or violent... they just found someone that would listen to them pour their hearts out, so they did!
While I can't speak to you as an individual, because I don't know you, I can kind of generally think that you seem to hook up with these dramatic ending the relationship types. I don't know why. Maybe if you developed a healthy friendship with a woman that was *not* coming out of a relationship and just went and did fun stuff, and learn to get to know the person, I bet you'd find a very rewarding and happy relationship! Good luck, Elsewhere, I bet that perfect person is just out there waiting for you to find her!
Country Girl
Just forget the whole thing then.
Once again, everyone wants to shit on the nice guy and ignore his feelings.
Im sorry she just touched a nerve in me and I went off.
Im starting to think that people just dont understand what it is like to go through life without love. I honestly dont understand how it is less painful to go through life without love than to be forced to have sex. Maybe I am wrong but that is how I feel those women treated me... Emotionally brutalized. Maybe you can help me understand.
Elsewhere,
I understand where you're coming from. You only used the word "rape" to underscore the *intensity* of what being emotionally alone feels like *to you.* The context of your use of the word made perfect sense to me.
Edited by - megadude on 24 September 2002 20:45:14
This is a pretty sensitive topic for me.
Trust me, I do not take the word rape lightly. I actually swore to myself I would not post about anything related to rape again because I became so upset when I felt someone used the word out of context and didnt give respect to rape victims by doing so.
http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/forum/thread.aspx?id=36085&site=3
Since then, I have learned that people deal with their own misery in different ways and we should try not to judge them. I am trying harder not to get caught up in words and terms but to listen to what the person is trying to say or how they are feeling.
I know Elsewhere. I know he is hurting and would never disrespect rape victims intentionally. He knows I am married and can never be what he needs but he still remains friends with me unconditionally, without alterior motives. I think I know what he means by being emotionally used and manipulated. I think many of us can relate since we have also been manipulated by the society. Many of us have even lost our family. I believe that he honestly values his friendships with women but is speaking of hurtful relationships hes had in the past.
Edited by - heaven on 24 September 2002 21:56:9
Thank you Heaven.
((((Heaven))))
