Urgent Assistance Required by Anyone, Ladylee?

by Celtic 25 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  Celtic

  Hiya!!

  Hope you all had a super marvellous weekend just gone, spent some of my time Saturday and Sunday, just floating quietly on my boat on the quiet and serenely beautiful waters of the Helford River's creeks, stunningly beautiful it was, Wow!!

  Came into work this morning, Monday, as bright as a button, though straightaway received some bad news about a young lady from a fellow co-worker enabler at Self Direction Community Project.

  Adele is a wonderful lady who partners a business selling American autos. She has an 'adopted' daughter who is in her very late teens and is disfellowshipped. The young lady has been going through one hellishly awful time recently and Adele is offering her all the support she can give despite her own physical impairments.

  Last week, the JW parents of this young lady, burn't all of her baby and young childhood pictures right in front of her, telling her further that she was now considered completely cut off from her natural family. This obviously distruaght her very much, extremely distressed she was. So much so, that over the weekend, this individual tried to commit suicide by slashing her wrists. Found in time by her 'adoptive worldly mother', apparently she is ok, but obviously in need of a great deal of support and encouragement right now. This is where you come in.

  Please!! As a matter of some urgency, would you possibly mind posting here so that I may pass the messages on, encouragement to this young lady, so that she does not feel so left out in the cold, facing these problems thusfar all by herself? Please, Joy2bfree, Scully, Ladylee and others, please, please help!! If you do not mind sharing your email too, this would be hugely appreciated.

  Kindest regards

  Celtic (Mark Price) Cornwall, UK

  [email protected]http://www.selfdirection.org http://www.can-online.org.uk

  Edited by - Celtic on 23 September 2002 6:54:23
• 

  Vivamus

  Mark, you have mail.
• 

  Pathofthorns

  imo this is the time to ditch those not having confidence in you and embrace those that do. This is not the time to roll over and die but the time to pull yourself together and rise up to show your parents that you will go the distance with or without them.

  My parents also destroyed my baby pictures and while the sadness of that is long gone, to this day people are still shocked and horrified over such behavior of so-called respected Witnesses. My parents have shunned me as well.

  I simply have no use for that kind of behavior and have no intention of pining away for some pitiful excuse of a relationship with them. They made the decision to shun me just as your parents made it clear to you how they feel. You just have to move on and replace them with people that truly appreciate you and who care about you.

  It sounds much more difficult and colder than it really is. It is certainly better than maintaining these awkward and strained relationships where everyone is always upset, on edge and phoney.

  sincerely,

  Path
• 

  ugg

  i wish i could be there in person for you...i would give you hugs and tell you that you are not alone...

  people who do not even know you,,,are deeply concerned about you...nobody can walk in your shoes,,,,but just know,,,that if i was there i would make sure the path is cleared for you....i would help you in anyway possible....

  you are important and valuable...you are a precious gift of life...i wish i was your mom....hugs again..many many hugs and much love being sent to you...i hope you can feel the emotion behind

  this letter....because I CARE DEEPLY!!!!!
• 

  anglise

  So Sad more victims of victims

  You have mail Mark

  Anglise
• 

  Celtic

  NOT ME YAM BLINKIN BALMPOTS!!

  I really do not think this to be a time for neat packaged trite remarks, I've heard it all before, thankyou though, your somewhat 'wonky' support thusfar is appreciated, but you seem to have got the wrong end of the widget.

  I am in absolutely fine fettle, never better, thouroughly enjoying life to the max.

  This post is not for me. It is for a young lady that has never yet met any other former witnesses like herself, therefore, she is going through all of this in complete isolation, completely by herself. Trite remarks / answers are NOT going to help her. Please be more thoughtful in your replies.

  Adele is a work colleague, a wonderful lady that I have the greatest of respect for. She never was a witness. She, out of the kindness of her heart, gives love, support and encouragement to 'C' who was brought up as a witness and recently was d'fd. However, Adele, obviously, at this distressing time and in physical pain herself does all that she can, but feels understandably enough, a bit out of her league in offering the right kind of support that is nessarsary to this young lady.

  Hope this clears any misunderstanding!!!

  Mark Price - Cornwall, UK
• 

  Wolfgirl

  To the young lady with the nasty parents:

  I'm very sorry, but I do understand how you feel. My entire family has shunned me as well. They don't tell me anything, not even important things like my grandmother having a stroke.

  I know people say suicide isn't the answer, and they're right. But I planned it myself a couple of times as well. Just chickened out at the last moment. But now that I think about it, if I had gone through with it and been successful, my family would just be saying, "See? That's what happens when you leave Jehovah's organisation." Well, that's a load of bullshit. (Excuse the language if it offends you.)

  Today, I'm grateful that I'm alive and that I've left the organisation. I have never been happier. Things will get better, and if your parents don't want to be part of that and can't see how blind they are to treat their family this way, then so be it. You will find those in your life who do treat you the way you should be treated. You can even quote the scripture if you want, "There exists a friend sticking closer than a brother." It's true.
• 

  scootergirl

  (to the young lady)........

  First let me say how sorry I am for you to be going thru such a terrible ordeal. I can relate and do empathize with you.

  Next, in time, if you haven't already, you will understand that you and your family have been involved in a cult. This is a result of a coercive and destructive psychological process based on deception, dependency and dread. Cults attack and destroy a person's independence, critical thining abilitities, personal relationships, and general physical, spiritual, and psychological state of being.

  The keys to recovery are balance and moderation, qualitites of life that were most likely absent in the cult. Give yourself a program for recovery that addresses your needs and wants, changing it as necessary to adapt ot new circumstances and needs. The important thing is to do what feels right. After all that time in the cult spent squelching your gut instincts, it is now time to let your self speak to you-and this time you can listen and act. From now on, only you are responsible for setting and achieving your goals.

  Right now, you are in a world of hurt. No need to start this journey of recovery alone. Please seek some professional assistance to help sort out things right now. My email is ALWAYS open if you care to drop me a line.

  ~Christy

  Edited by - scootergirl on 23 September 2002 9:5:47
• 

  Xandria

  First of all, sending a great big hug her way. Sadly, her parents have put conditions on a love that should of be a unconditional one. You cannot force someone into being or believing in a religion or to conform by using shame. I know she probably feels more alone and helpless to change anything right now. Rejection in any form is hard to handle. Unconditional love is to be without fear of punishment.

  Only God forgives, not the WTS unfortunately. God loves you no matter what. It is man who places the conditions upon love. I want you to know we are here, we have been through that void you feel right now.

  Shame is not to be confused with Guilt. They are trying to make someone feel ashamed of themselves over a percieved guilt. That is called poisonous shame, this occurs when an individual who is being abused or mistreated in some way begins to interalize the shame he or she feels. No longer upset and ashamed( and angry) of what has been done to them by others, but they become ashamed of themselves because of what you are being subjected to. You are confounded and fusterated, confused, bewildered and feeling damned you are lashing out at yourself. For something you are being forced to feel ashamed about. News flash, it is you who should not be ashamed of yourself ! Your parents should be the ones who are the shameful ones. They are acting out like little vindictive children. I know it is easier said than done, and it will take time. But, allow yourself the time heal and to rise above what they have said. Because it is not true.

  Just by what Celtic wrote about you. You sound like a wonderful person with a lot to offer. Do not let this rob you of the chance to be happy and free of constraint that is not of God. What they are spouting is man's interpretation of what God is and they are not GOD.

  Yes, I know that you are feeling lost, hurt, and in a lot of pain right now. Those things can pass in time and heal, given the opportunity too. Right now, you have the right to feel all these emotions there is nothing wrong with that, but turning them inward to harm yourself ,then your parents win and you have not gained anything more.

  Life is the challenge ! death is easy, but it is final and you cannot change what has been, nor what will be able to change what will be in the future.If you allow death to take you away. The best thing is to turn this anger into productive activity. You have people who see the wonderful person you are and that love you, for who you are, not what you are or what someone thinks you should be.

  People who feel worthless and angry like your parents do right now. Behave in an obnoxious manner. That is not your fault, that is their decision. You did not make them act this way. Remember this you are still growing up. They are adults and yet they don't know unconditional love. In my humble opinion, you are way ahead of the game. You have found someone who loves you. Even though they are "adopted" they see you, as special which you are. It is your parents loss for now, you cannot change them nor should you have that responsiblity to try to. They are responsible for themselves. Right now,your parents are blind. Forget them right now and work on you. NOT for them or their sakes, but for yours.

  An know any time you want to vent,scream and / or just hang out and joke. You are welcome to come. Believe me, if anyone here can handle me warts and all can handle talking about anything and everything with out shock. If you want to "talk" there is always someone "here". An if not there is always email and messenger.

  Xandria

  [email protected]

  Edited by - xandria on 23 September 2002 9:11:55
• 

  patio34

  Two things come to my mind to add to the excellent suggestions on this thread. First, my sympathies and tenderness for this woman.

  The other thing that my therapist has me do and has helped me thru so many tough family decisions is journaling. Just a free place to write all my private feelings and vent. It does more good than a therapy visit often. I employ some of the techniques in The Artist's Way. It really aids to stop the ruminations the mind goes through in a turmoil. It crystallizes and marshalls thoughts.

  During this sometimes one of the best tools is to ask yourself what you would advise someone else with this same problem. So often, you know the answers or the best was to view an issue, but don't realize it until you think of what you'd advise someone else.

  All the best to her,

  Pat