What are your thoughts on writing DA letters?

by mamashel 37 Replies latest jw experiences

  • Sentinel
    Sentinel

    This is an interesting question.

    I was sliding away really good and making all kinds of excuses right and left to my mother and other friends as to why I wasn't attending meetings, going in service, and not accepting any MS assignments. Their phone calls were an annoyance more than anything, but there were never any shepherding calls. What really started the whole process, is that my mother would not let it rest. She wanted me punnished for "thinking and behaving independently" of the organization. She sent me a letter with ten questions, and I knew when I answered them and mailed the letter, she would give it to the overseer. So, I decided to write two DA letters. One to the Society in NY, and one to the local congregation. I received no reply to either one of them. I was never sent a letter advising me a hearing. Absolutely nothing.

    (Months later, four elders came by to see me and tell me that I was always welcome at the meetings wholeheartedly. They felt bad about how things had gone down with me. They tried to get me to implicate my mother for acting inappropriately, but I would not.)

    Still, it made me feel good to let them know that I was the one disassociating myself from them. And, it wasn't so I could go and "sin", it was because I didn't believe they taught "the truth".

    As far as I know, there was never any announcement in the congregation. My mother spread the word around and I lost all my closest friends out of their "fear" of me. She began shunning me once I replied to her ten question letter to me. Guess she didn't like my answers. Funny, she didn't call me and ask me in person, because we only lived two miles apart.

    I have absolutely no regrets doing what I did. I left them before they could effectively try to discipline me simply for being inactive. I did not want there to be any confusion as to why I was inactive. What hurt the most was the stand that my mother took. The way she ruined my reputation among the friends in the congregation, and then everyone else just cut me off. I figured that they were just reacting that way because they lived in fear of me being an apostate. It was a great loss.

    It's a personal decision. You have been "out" so long, it is probably more of a formality than anything else. If they have left you alone, they know you are out. If you want to make certain they know why you are out, of course you can let them know.

    Even though I "left" in 1981, and wrote my letters, true closure never came for me until the very last part of 2001. I was out, and for all the right reasons, but I was still severely emotionally damaged. I carried that burden for a very long time.

    You will have to let us know what you decide. My thoughts are with you and yours.

    Sentinel

  • JT
    JT

    one of the main reason i would suggest not to da is because of where the concept of da came from

    it is the brainchild of the wt legal dept and the service dept., in fact the wt WANTS YOU TO WRITE THAT LETTER.

    Whne i was at bethel a member of the service dept his name is Robert (RP) Johnson a little short black bro who carries a big stick- he used to be a DO and was called into bethel, he is known as a SOCIETY TROUBLE SHOOTER- he will fly out to congo or circuit that are having problems and REMOVE AND INSTALL NEW ELDERS ON THE SPOT no letter is sent byack to bethel no recommendation BS , he has the authority from the Big House to act right then and there

    well he explain to a group of us young black guys some of the innner working of the org

    he was a Mentor for me and anyone who knows this former DO?CO knows that he is MR ORGANIZATION-

    anyway he explained to us that the wt was having problem is certain countries and and needed a way to remove folks from the org without the elders being involved such a judical committee

    esp in the area of a person joining the army - for the org to take direct action like forming a committte and meetng with a guy who joined the army and then kicking him out would be viewed in some countries and subversion of the country-

    so they needed a way to get the person out, let the remaining members know they were out and get the same result SHUNNING and that is were THE CONCEPT OF DAing came in

    it didn't require any action on the part of elders/co/do/bethel and yet they got you out of the org and now you are treated just like a DFed person in aFACT OFTEN TIMES WORST BY FAMILY MEMBERS

    so the wt article of 9/1/15/81 layed the ground work-

    so when you decide to write that letter it maybe providing one with a sense of closure no doubt ,b ut THAT IS EXACT WHAT THEY WANT YOU TO DO

    and the hell if they will have me doing anything else THEY WANT ME TO DO.

    in the coming years you will continue to see more things being RE-CLASSIFIED from a DFing offense to a DAing offense recently we have seen blood which for years was a DFing offense has been moved over to DAing and they get the same result without the legal implications

    the wt teaches it's members how to treat folks and as the wt continues to put additional things on the DAing list in the future it will they hope release them of legal concerns

    i firmly believe that in the future there will be less judical cases handled with the old fashion committee, instead a list of offenses that get you the classification of DAed

    but for those who just got to write that letter cool, but as i have said many times before THEY WILL HAVE TO COME AND GET MY BLACK A$$

  • PointBlank
    PointBlank

    Dear Shelley,

    Whether or not a person writes a letter of disassociation depends on their motives and their personal circumstances. If they feel that they must play by the rules because that's the way the WT does things, then they are playing right into WT hands. In that case they're still not free of the control exerted by the org.

    If their motive is to sever all ties so that they feel free to go on with their lives without having to look over their shoulder all the time, then one may be warranted. I'm not one to be a "hanger-on'er." That seems somewhat hypocritical to me.

    If the motive is to make a stand for truth and righteousness, then I think one is necessary. However, making that kind of stand can also be taken by letting them come to the person. It's just a matter of what the person wants....do they want to be disfellowshipped (JW's getting rid of you) or disassociated (You getting rid of them).

    In the end, it all depends on the message you're wanting to send. And each person's circumstances are different, so the decision will be unique to each individual.

    For me personally, I sent a DA letter because I had something to say. It might not have been the smartest move, but it worked for me. They know exactly where I stand and I no longer have to orchestrate my life according to the rules/regulations of those that may see me. I am free to be me....finally.

    Kind regards, PB

  • rwagoner
    rwagoner

    I've posted my opinion on this before and it isn't usually a popular one.

    First let me say that each person needs to make their own decision and I respect their right to do that.

    I DA'd. Why did I do it ? Because for me it was the honest, non-hypocritcal thing to do. I had enough of hiding the truth and leading a double life while I was IN the JW's.

    Do I feel like I played by their rules ? NO WAY ! I told them to stick their smug lies, contradictions and double standards.

    To me, people that DA "Step Up" and take charge for their own lives. Do we pay the price ? YOU BET. My parents are still "IN" and I'm shunned...I am getting more and more vocal against the JW's as time passes too which brings even more heat on my family and on me. But thats fine.

    I have some close friends who have "faded away" and to me it is sort of taking the easy way out. They just try to stay out of the view of the JW's...hide behind curtains and wait to get "caught" breaking the JW rules. To me THAT is far more like playing the JW game.

    I am OUT, FREE and I Fly the American Flag on my house...put the XMas tree right in the front window...I vote...I am active (Pastor) in another religion and I even ran for public office and got elected a few years back.

    I don't live my life based on what THEY think...I live my own life, openly and honestly, which is more than I did when I was in the ORG thats for sure.

    Do I sound a little angry about the issue ? I don't mean to. But society today is SOOOO much about wanting something without having to pay the price. Everyone wants rights but doesn't want to stand up for them and fight. That is just not me. I wanted the freedom to live out of hiding, no double life and there is a cost associated with that. I didn't write my family and tell them thay were no longer welcome at my house or that I would no longer speak to them. They chose to follow the ORG and shun me...that is their choice and that is the price I pay everyday for doing the "right thing".

    Just my opinion.

    RandyW

  • Dismembered
    Dismembered

    As many here have said it really depends on ones circumstances. IF there are ones who are dear to you, that after DAing oneself, would then shun you, and play the WTBS stupid ass game. It does not sound like it is worth the aggravation to deal with that. At least for me it would not be.

    Dismembered

  • Shakita
    Shakita

    My feeling on this matter is, unless you have worked out all the pro's and con's of being da'd(re: family members still in, friends who are still willing to speak with you regardless of your stance)you should just live life as you please. There is no need to "play the game" as people say. Some feel different than I. Maybe their situation is different. I personally try to avoid confrontation. I am inactive at this point. Have had a few visits by JW friends. Say they "miss" us. I don't doubt they do. Maybe in the future some will seek me out, because they can, with questions they have about the org. That will be my opportunity to use my "still being in speaking terms" to WITNESS to them.

    Still sitting on the fence,

    Mrs. Shakita

  • rwagoner
    rwagoner

    Its true that if you DA you will be shunned but if you just fade away and then break some rule that they find out about you will be DF'd and shunned anyway.

    At least when I DA'd, I left on my own terms, had my say and left without being "Accused" of wrongdoing. By there own definition when I DA's I "simply left the faith" which they claim on their own official site does NOT result in shunning. So they are breaking their own rules.

    I agree everyone is different and should make up their own minds but in the end you are either IN or OUT. If things continue to go as they have been and the JW's continue to move toward stricter isolationism I strongly suspect that they will have yet another episode of "New Light" that mandates that those who are inactive for more than a certain period of time will have in effect DA'd themselves.

    Once that happens it won't matter if you are DA'd or Fading...you'll be out....period.

    Again, just my opinion,

    RandyW

  • nutmeg
    nutmeg

    6

  • jurs
    jurs

    Rwagoner,

    I like your attitude and agree 100% !!!

    jurs

  • rwagoner
    rwagoner

    jurs,

    thanks...I know I sound bitter and I really don't mean to but I've never been real good about keeping my mouth shut. *LOL*

    RandyW

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