What are your thoughts on writing DA letters?

by mamashel 37 Replies latest jw experiences

• 

  ashitaka

  One word: Don't.

  In the words of Hunter Thompson: "Make the bastard chase you. He will follow."

  ash
• 

  RedhorseWoman

  I wouldn't bother to DA myself. Not only is it playing by their rules, but it is also playing into their hands so that they can officially shun you. Why give them any more power than they already have?

  I have a friend who felt that she had to DA herself, mainly because she is very needful of a religious group, and she kept gravitating back to the group with which she was most familiar....much to her detriment. She felt that DAing was the only way that she could be sure that she wouldn't be swayed by a JW in believing that things had changed within the BOrg and that everything would be just fine "this" time.
• 

  mamashel

  Well thank you for all the advice and information. At this time i have decided not to write the letter. For a couple of reason. 1st one being, i dont want to play by their rules and still be doing what they want. 2nd reason, I want to be able to share information i have learned with others, friends and family members. If i DA myself i will not even have a chance to open my mouth to them, so for now, i have decided against it.

  Thanks to all of you for your thoughts.

  mamashel
• 

  JT

  2nd reason, I want to be able to share information i have learned with others, friends and family members. If i DA myself i will not even have a chance to open my mouth to them, so for now, i have decided against it

  ####

  excellent point- and this is why thier is no esy answer, yes or now, IT DEPENDS

  IF YOU ARE the only person in your family who is a jw, then leaving means nothing to your family

  if anything they will welcome you back- but if you have parents, kids, cousin, aunt, etc, then it is a different thing as one person told me - the wanted to only get out a couple of family members and if they got dfed it wouldn't matter cause they would not be alongand sure enough by not DAing they were able to get out 7 folks and at that point it didn't matter she said

  so each person must decide based on thier circumstances, but the bottm line is they need to be prepared for what will happend
• 

  shera

  Hi,I didn't have any close family within the organization.I choose to write a letter of DA to get rid of the hold of them that "they thought"they had on me.When I choose to leave,they were at my doors allllll the time..even at my windows!Thats one of the reason I wrote the letter.I totally agree why people donot know if they should or shouldnot.I imagine it must be a very hard experince having family shun you.
• 

  shera

  Another thing,please donot worry about what the elders..sisters and brother..etc say about you.They think they are so righteous,I feel like taking a mirror and putting it front of their face and say...judge me?They are no better than you and myself.I couldn't care less what the elders say about me...shes immoral,an apostate,unrighteous.I know what I am and so does God and God knows what the elders are and all those slandering you.
• 

  Cicatrix

  I wrote a DA letter because I was already being investigated for possible DFing offenses. I have no family in the Borg, though, or I probably would have just hung in there for their sake if I didn't.I had few friends left, due to concerned "warnings" by conscientious Christians who were in fact spreading slanderous lies, little beknownst to them.I knew I was done with it all, and I planned to celebrate holidays. A quick peek at the Elder's Manual online informed me that yes, indeedy, I could be disfellowshipped for putting decorations up.I was also tired of hearing "we miss you so much at meetings" at every public place I encountered congregation members(funny, some of them lived right down the road and never came over to visit).I wouldn't give them that kind of power over me anymore.I was going out on my own terms.

  My "meeting" with the elders was held on my porch with no prior warning that they were even coming. I refused to discuss why I was leaving with them.They wanted to know if I was attending another church(I am not).They asked me if I understood what this meant. I said that I did.They asked if they could study with my children (I thought this kind of odd, since they wouldn't give me any help at all with them when I was a pub). I told them no. That was the end of it. They announced it the next week.

  The impact on the congregation was exactly as I expected it would be. They were shocked, to say the least.I've seen several of them in public, and they find it very hard not to come and talk to me.Some disregard the WT dictates and say hello when they see me.I hear comments through the grapevine from others(amazing how even though they can't talk to you, they manage to get messages to you through mutual aquaintances that they can talk to. These aqaintances tend to filter out the bad stuff for me).

  I no longer care what kind of crap the "loving" friends want to spread about me now (they will have to stand in line behind my in-laws, who have been blasting me ever since I married into their family). Certain prominent congregation members were doing it long before I left. It hurt much more coming from supposed friends than it does from new enemies(in their view, not mine), especially since I was trying so hard then to meet up with the impossible standards that kept changing.

  Now I'm free to think and act however I want to. I'm looking at things from lots of different angles and forming my own perception of things.I'm meeting interesting people, and I don't have to constantly look over my shoulder for a Witness who will tsk tsk me for "bad associations".I've shared with my family and a few others what it is like to leave a high control group, and they have been very supportive.As has everyone on this board(which I can surf without fear of reprisal).

  I joined the Jehovah's Witnesses at my own free will. I left of my own free will. As far as I'm concerned, the DA letter was nothing but the dissolution contract of a deal gone sour.And now I can invoke it selectively against those who attempt to hurt me, or ignore it if I so choose if some choose to break the rules that They still follow.So who's in control now?:)
• 

  shera

  What gets me,they tell us we have to tell JW's if we are DF or DA at the doors or where ever.All I think is whatever...I'm not a JW any more and I will never be again.None of you no longer control me anymore,so I'll say what I want,when I want.... Like I'm going to play by their rules....