To DA or not to DA, that is the question? (page 2)

berrygerry

I agree 100% with The Searcher, Scully, and Giordano.

Each well said.

rip van winkle

Haha haha! I beat you to the topic title😛😄😝 ( Sort of)

http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/topic/228346/fade-disassociate-that-question

Thanks everybody so far. You've given me a lot to think about. Seems that fading is the option of choice for most. I think there's something inside me that wants to be heard, that wants to put a bow on all of this, and to control it from my end. Waiting for possible action by the congregation or having to hide certain associates or celebrating a birthday, or knowing that if we took blood we would be DA anyway makes me just want to put a bullet in it and get it over with. I can see the possibility of being free anyway as things are, but I guess they occupy space in my mind that I'm not quite sure how to let go of just yet. I'm a bit OCD about some things and this one is hard to let go of.

FayeDunaway

Live your life without fear. Putting birthday candles in your shopping cart at the grocery store, don't try to hide them. Instead of thinking 'oh what if a witness sees me' think 'if a witness sees me, who cares. I get to do this and they don't, because they're still mentally trapped but I'm free.'

GrreatTeacher

Dubstepped, you don't have to hide anything. You don't have to talk about it even if others confront you and you can just ignore the elders if they invite you to a jc.

Just walk away.

It's a mental step and I understand that it's difficult

But, you owe them nothing. Not even a conversation.

This is not fading. This is walking away and damn the consequences.

DesirousOfChange

It's their rule. You don't have to play by their rules anymore. Live your life. Be happy. Be successful.

Yep.

The greatest revenge (substitute "message you can send") is living a happy & successful life!

Screw the DA letter.

Make them WISH they could DF/DA you.

Doc

dubstepped

Well, I'm going to see my DA'ed friend here soon and reached out and set something up with him. That feels really good. Haven't seen him in over a decade, and never met his family. I'm really excited about it. We've messaged some on Facebook and it is like old times before things got so complicated.

As for me, I think I'm being helped to see through your posts that I had one part of the fading down but lacked the other. I have effectively faded from the minds of the people I knew, but they and the organizational hold hasn't faded from MY mind. That's going to be a struggle for me because my memory is really good. Like, REALLY good, lol. There are so many things in life I wish I could forget but I just can't, but with time they eventually fade from my consciousness. I may never forget all of this and really leave it behind, but I can move on and with time those things and the worries that accompany them will fade away into the background. I look forward to that time. I appreciate you hammering home the points that I needed to put things into perspective.

FayeDunaway said:Live your life without fear. Putting birthday candles in your shopping cart at the grocery store, don't try to hide them. Instead of thinking 'oh what if a witness sees me' think 'if a witness sees me, who cares. I get to do this and they don't, because they're still mentally trapped but I'm free.'

I needed this post. It really helped make it all real and puts the focus on the freedom, on what I get to do, and the prison that they are still stuck in. Thank you for this post. It just really hit me for whatever reason.

Freesoul

I faded about 25 years ago, the only I reason I did this is because I didn't want this cult to come between me and my family. My children grew up as normal children, we celebrated birthdays and xmas, my family just stayed away at this time of year because they don't want to stop seeing me either.

It's really funny because my mum who is 82 has just joined Facebook and has become Facebook friends with me and my children so sees all the Happy birthday posts but never says anything. I know she does this because she still wants to be part of my life.

if I DA'd myself or got DF'd they would have to play by their religions rules.

Mary J Blige

I have been out 12 years and have only just contemplated sending in a DA letter. I have nothing to lose - my 'friends' have been absent all these years, I moved towns and critically, my parents have just awoken. However, I feel that a letter of DA will not have the effect I romanticize it would and for that reason, I decided that the fade would allow long lost friends (if ever I was to see them again) to ask me if I was still in and would give me a better opportunity for a "witness." If I was DA'd that would shut the door entirely.

JWdaughter

Hi. I respect your struggle an whatever you do, you are going to be alert for the calls, visits, grocery store awkwardness. Because when you write the letters, you are back on the radar of every busybody JW that you know. And you will have burned some bridges And acknowledged WT authority as mattering to you at all.that would be my sticking point now, along with burned bridges-but I have done that in a different context with people I really value in my life, so I have a different perspective at outset-I actually lost something that mattered to me.

I'm in favor of not referring to yourself as a jw, live life with no JW constraints that are not of your choice and let chips fall where they will. Any JWs curios, they can ask and you can tell them w/o them getting in trouble.

The letter might feel satisfying. You could tuck into will to be sent to congregation on your passing. All the satisfaction, no harrassment

To DA or not to DA, that is the question?

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